We discussed this whilst pregnant with DS1. It's a tough call. For me, the most important thing is that our values are aligned and that the kids will feel loved and cherished. That doesnt have to be family. It's about what is best for the child. Assuming they are orphaned, who is the best person you know to care for traumatised, grieving kids and who will nurture them through school into a productive, independent life?

No one can replace you. Who is the next best alternative and would they be willing and able to raise your babies?