To have, or not to have an only child

[~mamaspice~]

Hi ladies,

thankyou so much for your replies. It all points in one direction - the direction that in my heart I know I want for my family and myself. Charli just loves other kids and I know she'd love a sibling. Right now is when I'd really like to be trying for another one but I've got this silly thyroidectomy that I'm on a waiting list for.

[Lucy]

Spice,

I am one of 5 so I have no idea what being an only child would be like.

As a Mum, I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I had stopped at Olivia.

But one thing sticks in my head.......out of all the people who I have discussed this subject with, a mixtrure with siblings and others who were only childs: all "only children" WISHED they had siblings, and those with siblings NEVER wished to be an only child..........

[New Dawn]

But one thing sticks in my head.......out of all the people who I have discussed this subject with, a mixtrure with siblings and others who were only childs: all "only children" WISHED they had siblings, and those with siblings NEVER wished to be an only child..........

Well said Lucy I too am from a large family one 7 and wouldnt change that for all the shoes holidays in the world.... Ww many have never been taken on a holiday to another state or OS but we did have each other in the summer holidays we rode bikes we swam at the beach we did thing together that I wouldnt ever trade....

As a mum with one you do feel like you couldnt possibly love another child as much as you do the child you have.... But please believe that you can and will I dont know any family who has ever looked back and said " we so should have had only one " another child would bring on new challanges and spice to life... You dont have any guaratees That you children will get alone and lets face it ALL kids fight but almost all when they are grown stick together and help each other out... There is nothing else like knowing with one phone call all of my sibs would drop everything to help me out if I needed them too...

[Nai]

I'm an only child and really never wished for siblings, however it was never my mother's choice that I was the only one. My dad left when I was 2 and she never had an opportunity to provide me with a sibling (so it's not always for financial reasons that people only have 1 child).

I am extremely social and have a close group of friends and never felt that I missed out by not having siblings, however I still wanted DD to have a sibling. We will have 3 years between our 2 and I don't think that it is a big gap. My mum and her sister are 7 years apart and are incredibly close.

Spice, Charli is still very young and so are you so you do have a few years up your sleeve with giving her a sibling (yeah check out my age ).

[curl]

There is one month short of 21 years between myself and my little brother. I was raised an only child an I ALWAYS wanted a little brother or sister, it took mum 3 major relationships before she was ready to have another child. I didn't like being raised an only child even though I had loads of toys etc. My mum & stepdad (not her current husband) raised me in a very loving environment but I felt there was something missing. This is probably why I have always had it in my head that I'd like 3 or 4 children of my own. Funnily enough my brother is always asking for a younger sibling too but with mum's reproductive days now well over with its not going to happen.

[Bathsheba]

I've had experience having an only child for 9 years... then being a mother of two more in quicker succession... so now I have 3. We always knew that we'd have more than just a single child but I needed to do a few more things like return to study before i was ready to have more. Now having said that I can say that whether you wait or have them close will bring their own list of pros and cons in about an equal ratio. At the end of the day you do what you intuitively feel is right. Logic really doesn't play that much of a role when it comes to having children i've found. I know that my eldest child has certainly benefited from having her younger brothers around. She might not always think so... but it's teaching her great lessons in tolerance that you just don't get if you just 'socialise' an only child. At 3am my now teenage DD is learning that whether she likes it or not if her brothers are sick then her sleep will most likely be disturbed as they cry in the room next door. She knows that try as you might she has no other choice than to tolerate her little brothers noise as they hoon around on their toy cars when she is trying to watch the TV. On the other side of the coin it's one of the best things for me to see, as their mum, them all getting along and making family movies (this is my DD's speciality... she's made so many movies of the boys that Dh and I just never would have gotten around to) and watching her showing the boys and hearing them all laughing hysterically! I know the age gaps are big now (13yo, 4yo, 2yo) but my DH has a 10/12/15year age gap with his older brothers but these days you wouldn't know it... they all get along great mates. Ages gaps do have a way of growing smaller as the people involved get older... just speaking from experience.

[~Raven~]

I can share a different, but sad perspective on this.

My MIL has has an partner (at 70 is it really a BF ) who sadly lost his only son in a car crash when he was 19. His wife didn't want anymore children. He told me she did express regret that she didn't have another child but it was too late to do anything about it by then.

Now he is a part of our life as MIL's partner (his wife passed a couple of years ago) and he told me that while he is loving it he is also sad too that he has no grandchildren of "his own".

[tsgirl]

Spice I don't have any experience to offer you, but at this stage DP are planning on an only child. We are both one of two and extremely close to our siblings, but our feeling is that with our lifestyle and age planning for more wouldn't be in the child's best interests.

Like a PP said, you have plenty of time to make these decisions. Enjoying your precious little Charli now doesn't mean you can't add to the family later. We were just looking at old pictures of our nieces recently and commenting on what a baby the elder was when the little one was born. At the time we thought Miss 2 was so grown up (and indeed, she had changed and matured incredibly quickly) but when we look at those photos she is only a baby herself. There are 3 1/2 and 4 1/2 years between myself and sister and DP and sister and being that extra distance apart didn't mean that we weren't close. Goodluck with what you decide, and in the meantime enjoy your darling little girl