To have, or not to have an only child

[~mamaspice~]

Hi, I always wanted 3 or 4 kids, and to have had them before I turned 30
Well I'm 31 and have a precious 10 month old DD. I would dearly love another but part of me wonders will we be able to give more to Charli if she is an only child. Am I being selfish by wanting another one, especially when we are not exactly financially independant right now? or will she be disadvantaged socially and emotionally by being an only child?
My half brother and I are nearly 6 years apart and not close at all so I always wanted my babies to be born close together and have a great sibling relationship - but even if they are born close I know there are no guarantees that they will be best buddies.
I am so confused.
Would love to hear the thoughts of those who are or who have had or comtemplated having an only child.

[Phteven]

When you say you want to give more to Charli are you talking in an emotional sense or material? Or both? If you're concerned that you can't love a second child as much or a second child will reduce the love you have for Charli I don't think that you need to be concerned - love isn't like a cake that you have to divide. When a new baby arrives you get a whole new cake.
From a material POV it might be true that you will be able to buy less for each child but they will be able to share many of their possesions so maybe it needn't be a concern.
I see my 2 playing together and I think that having a sibling is a fantastic gift even though they sometimes squabble. Yasin hasn't missed out on anything because he has a little brother, on the contrary his life has been enriched.

I don't think that children are disadvantaged socially by being only children, many parents of only children offer them a rich, socially fulfilled life.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Personally, even though I wasn't an only child, there is 5 & 10 years (well, and 20 years for the twins) between me and siblings, and it's lonely enough with just that difference

I know some people will only have one child because financially speaking they want the best for their child / their child to have the best of everything. Personally, I disagree with this, but this is MY experience from growing up. My mum was a single mum and yes, we struggled... and often we didn't have enough money to put a good food on the table, and often we wore our school uniforms until they had holes and could be replaced with more second hand ones. We at times had to live in refuges (thanks to an abusive partner).

From this I think I have learnt to appreciate things so much more. Okay, so the situation is a little different, but we always had the best Christmas' and when we could do something 'extravagant' it was always a wonderful experience. I also think it taught me to appreciate the value of money, maybe too much as I'm an absolute stingy b!tch when buying clothes, shoes, etc.

I don't think it's a social disadvantage either. I have known only children, who like Dachloster mentioned, lead socially fulfilling lives.

Being able to give more to one child (materialistically) would be great, but having the nicest shoes or being the only kid in the class who has been overseas doesn't shine a light to as being able to chat about the lego castle you built with your little brother on the weekend... but maybe thats just me.

[Aimz]

Being able to give more to one child would be great, but having the nicest shoes or being the only kid in the class who has been overseas doesn't shine a light to as being able to chat about the lego castle you built with your little brother on the weekend... but maybe thats just me.

That is so well put Ash

[Antheia]

This is just my experience, but i'm an only child and i found it boring as hell. I don't have very good social skills at all and i hated always having to play by myself. Even now i wish i had a sibling(especially a sister) to share things with etc, especially when my mum passed away 2 years ago, i felt so alone.

Me and DH would like 5 or 6 kids. One reason of that is because DH is also an only child, so our kids won't have uncles, aunts or even cousins, just each other.

With each child i have had, i seem to have more love to share. I don't feel they miss out on anything, be it socially, material or emotional.

But again this is jsut my experience. I believe each family is different and you have to evaluate what is in your life to make these kinds of choices and i also believe that whatever choice you make is the right one for you, whatever that may be.

[~mamaspice~]

Hi ladies,

thankyou so much for your replies. It all points in one direction - the direction that in my heart I know I want for my family and myself. Charli just loves other kids and I know she'd love a sibling. Right now is when I'd really like to be trying for another one but I've got this silly thyroidectomy that I'm on a waiting list for.

[Lucy]

Spice,

I am one of 5 so I have no idea what being an only child would be like.

As a Mum, I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I had stopped at Olivia.

But one thing sticks in my head.......out of all the people who I have discussed this subject with, a mixtrure with siblings and others who were only childs: all "only children" WISHED they had siblings, and those with siblings NEVER wished to be an only child..........