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Thread: HELP! Suggestions please

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    Default HELP! Suggestions please

    Matilda is almost 10 months and has been having what I think are tantrums.

    Every time we try to stap her into anything, pram/highchair/car seat, she arches her back & screams and if she's tired then she was start flailing her whole body, go stiff and purple and she'll do this what feels like forever, but is probably 5 minutes at most. When we are getting in the car, I usually hold her body and let her go with my head outside the car breathing to stay calm.

    At home in the high chair I have tried the same but I can't do it... I then hold her in my arms and try to reason with her..telling her that its time to eat. Most of the time that works and I can put her back in. For the last few days I have tried holding her first and telling her its food time and making it sound exciting but the same thing happens, I get frustrated and sometimes I just say "ok then, you missed that food time, we'll have another one at xxx time" And she misses out on eating solids. She doesn't seem to miss it at all and doesn't act hungry.

    With the pram, she does the same but instead of getting stiff she does a crocodile death roll... and a lot of the time this is after getting in/out of the car so we've already gone through the same thing minutes before...

    So... my responses to her are usually:
    1. Getting in/out of the car seat isn't a discussion, she must go in, I have to just be patient for a few minutes and then she goes in nicely.
    2. The high chair depends on how our day has been, is going.



    I don't want to battle all the time with her, and I just don't know if I'm going okay or there are better ways of handling this...

    Thanks for reading my epic post

  2. #2
    Chi-Chi Guest

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    I remember experiencing this with my DD.

    After trying talking & ...yelling 8-[ & reasoning & bribing & anything else I could think of...I tried completely ignoring it.
    Being a lot stronger than the little one, I would just try my best not to let it show how frustrated I was & would make sure I appeared calm & not frazzled. And just not acknowledging that she was doing anything, I'd just gently but firmly IYKWIM put her in the carseat or pusher & go about doing what I needed to do. When she eventually calmed down, sometime later I would praise her for sitting so nicely, being a good girl etc. And I would offer her a treat sometimes, but not while she was mid-tanty, I'd wait til 5 minutes after & say, "seeing as though you're sitting so quietly being such a good girl for mum, would you like a ...?" So that the reward is for the good behaviour & she was not getting any attention at all for acting up.

    HTH

  3. #3

    Join Date
    May 2003
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    Christy.......

    Olivia is OK with the high chair & the stroller, but has tendancies to be a shocker with the car seat.

    I agree with Chi Chi.......show no reaction.......I always put on my "Mummy is bored" face and hope for the best.

    Also, distraction, as always.....with the car seat, I now start singing as soon as I unlock the car (usually something stupid like "We're all going on a summer holiday" or something corny like that, and I can usually get her in without her actually realising what has happened.............

    Thinking about it, she was worse from about 11 months till recently, at the moment she is not having a fit. So maybe it is a "testing" stage they go through?

  4. #4

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    What Chi-Chi said, and PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE! I know it sounds ridiculous but this has been the most effective way to get a certain behaviour. Its worked with manners, dinner time fights, listening you name it. When she was little and unable to reason with I would just wait it out, and then when she calmed down I would praise her LOTS. I would tell Paris that I knew she was upset and that she needed to calm down. And then when she did I would cuddle and praise and kiss her and tell her she was a good girl for calming down. It worked, consistance is the key. And notice when she does listen to you and praise her for it that way she will strive for a new sort of attention. I believe in talking to your kids no matter what age they are, I never baby talked to paris and I would say quite clearly what I wanted even when I knew she might not understand. I think not only is it important because you'd be suprised how quickly they pick things up but also it allows you to say how you are feeling too which also prevents the melt downs When it came to full blown tantrums say in the house...I would put her in a safe spot where she couldn't hurt herself ie not near sharp edges of furniture or a hard floor and tell her that she needed to calm down and that mummy would come back when she had calmed down. Then I would walk away, if she followed I wouldn't give her attention I would let her get it out of her system. I found it I tried to calm her in the midst of a tantrum, or hold her down or even talk to her it would cause her to get more frazzled and then the uncontrollable sobbing would start which isn't nice. Once she had calmed down I would give her a big cuddle, ask her if she felt better and tell her she was a good girl for calming down. Paris only ever had a few tantrums and I think this is as a result of our technique. This might not work for everyone but it certainly worked for us.

    Goodluck! And if you want to know anything else you know where I am

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  5. #5

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    I hadn't thought of the praise thing, isn't that weird? I mean thats only of my first responses to training dogs #-o ... definately will try that!

    Cailin, I felt like I was being silly explaining to her everything that I was doing, but hearing how you do that with Paris, thats a relief

  6. #6

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    Ashlea did exactly the same thing, not in the car seat, but the pram and the high chair.
    I got Ashlea a little pusher which she liked better than the pram, but i never really put her in them anyway.
    The trick with Ashlea and the highchair was to buy her a little table and chair set. Ashlea started using hers at 8 months old. I would say, you either sit at the high chair or your table and she would happily sit at hers.
    I would put it against the wall, and then sit next to her so she couldnt fall off.
    Of course it takes alot of constant "sit down to eat" but Ashlea loved being a big girl at the little table and chairs.

  7. #7

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    OOOO good ones! I'm going to get a little table and chair!!!

    Agree big time on the praise - I remember one time DS was about 4 and she packed up her toys without being asked. I gave her big smiles and praise and she nudged her little friend and said "see I TOLD you she would be proud of us"!

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