Hey mummy's, I'm so unsure on how to do this without hurting or breaking dp's heart.. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Before having our little girl we always spoke about how many babies we wanted, and we both agreed that we would have two (dp already has 2 little girls to a previous relationship) but since having our little girl, my thoughts have changed, I don't know if I want another baby, and since having our bub dp's thoughts have changed too.. Except he wants more, he is hopeful for at least two more bubba's.. I'm so happy with how our life is with him and the 3 girls, but in saying that, what right do I have to just shatter his hopes for another baby? Has anybody else felt like this at some point? And has their feelings towards this eventually changed?
No advice Ellie but a big hug. I often think the same and am trying to not worry about it too much at the mo while I concentrate on getting well and managing what's already on my plate.
Such a tricky situation. It's easier for the other half to want more babies when its not their bodies and lives that are completely turned upside down for 9 months plus then the breastfeeding/newborn stage.
I think you should be honest with him about how you feel... but perhaps say that you might rethink it in a year or two because who knows, you may change your thinking once your youngest gets older... talk about the positives of how your family is now rather than the negatives of expanding your family...
How old is your DD Ellie? You might find you change your mind as she gets older. With DD1 I wanted another one when she was 1yr, with DD2 I wasn't ready for the next one until she was over 2 and started worrying I would never feel like having another baby! It changed though and that feeling came back. Maybe just be honest and tell him how you're feeling at the moment and that it might change in a couple of years but you're not sure right now
I personally wasn't ready for another until DS was 3 1/2, but he's now a bit over 4 and we are only just trying for another. I knew I wasn't ready for another so avoided it as much as possible. I always said I wanted 2, then I thought maybe 1 was enough, now that we are trying I want 3, but realistically I can only have 1 more.
So what I'm trying to say is, enjoy what you have now, but don't rule more out because you may very well change your mind AND remember, you may end up with only what you have anyway which is not a bad thing :-)
Thank you ladies it's all very good advice, and makes me feel less like a monster! Heaven my dd Is only almost 6 months old, but since she was about 2 months old he was already planning another :-/ he just loves our family so much that he just wants more of us to love, when I ask him why he wants more babies so badly he replies with "how could you not want more of her, we make amazing babies" and I can't argue lol we do, and having him say things like that just makes me adore him more, but on the weekends that we have his other girls, our house is a crazy house, a good kind of crazy, but still crazy.. Add another baby and I think it would be mayhem lol.. I just think we are so lucky with what we have, buying our house, 3 beautiful girls and an amazing relationship that part of me just wants to be selfish and focus on all of that.. At least for the next few years
When DS1 was born I was 100 percent sure I didn't want any more. I didn't have a traumatic birth, nor a difficult pregnancy, I took to motherhood really well, so there was no reason behind my choice, it was just how I felt. I was lucky that my DH didn't feel strongly either way and was happy to go with whatever.
When DS1 was 2.5 I started to rethink my decision, and a couple of months later we decided together that we did in fact want another, and a month and a half later I was pregnant with DS2.
Whilst you may feel this way now, you may not always feel like this. Give it time, you don't need to make any permanent decisions now.
As the others have said - you may change your mind.
For now, when your DP brings up having another baby, maybe do talk up about how awesome this one is and want to give her all the attention that she deserves, so perhaps you can both revisit the topic when (if) you are in a place where you feel like you could give both your DD and a new baby all the attention that they both deserve.
For the record, DD was 4 before I felt ready for another one. The age gap between my 2 is 5 1/2 years and it works great because DD is now old enough to have different needs to her little brother, so DH and I can accommodate both, itms.
I agree with BlackRose 100%. You need to talk about it, but both of you need to try to keep an open mind as well. Your little girl is still so tiny and yes, you may change your mind down the track and want another. Its also possible though that as your daughter grows you become more determined to stop at one.
FWIW, I was absolutely done after my second. No way I was ever going to contemplate a third child. It took almost three years from DD2's birth for me to change my mind (and I changed my mind myself, not as a result of my DH pushing ITMS), but when I did change my mind it was absolute and I would have done anything to have that third baby. Now that she's here, were it not for mine and DH's age I would love to have another (and no, none of the desire for a third - or fourth - child was a desire for a boy). If you'd told me I'd feel that way after DD2 was born I would have thought you were nuts.
At 6 months pp, there was no way i wanted another. I think you need to give yourself a break, but i think he needs to give you break too. You need to be allowed to enjoy your little one, and perhaps process your birth and start to motherhood without any pressure of when the next one is coming.
Thank you so much for your support ladies, I'm working up the courage to speak to him tonight! I don't know why I'm so nervous, he is the most easy going person I have ever met, I think I just know how much this means to him. I will let you know how it all goes
It was the same with us, except it was DP who was adamant he didn't want another. I felt ready when DD1 was 4 yrs old. It took him about a year to change his mind and in the end, it wasn't me who changed it. He decided himself. He is absolutely besotted with DD2 and was completely unfazed when I found out we were expecting a surprise number three.
Now he would be happy to have half a dozen.
Give it time. You may change your mind, or you may not. Either way, it sounds like you have a lovely family. I'm sure if you told your DP you weren't ready atm he'd understand.
So we had a talk and I told him exactly how I felt and he told me the same, we are going to talk again in 2 years time after our wedding and see how we both feel, he understands what I'm saying and sees where I'm coming from, which is a giant relief.. Honestly, I think In a few years time I may want another.. But I want that to be a whole hearted decision that I make.. Not a forced one, and now that I have explained myself to dp he wants it that way too
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How do I break the news to him?
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