how do you know......

[crumpet]

So im basically wondering how will i know if having number 2 is what i really want or not....

we have a lot of factors to consider and ive got some pro and con lists but id like to hear some other peoples stories/thoughts and how you decided....

PRO's:
DD will have a sibling
DD wont grow up lonely
I will get the chance to (hopefully) birth not induced and possibly drug free
Can re-use all of the big buys

CON's:
Best Rest for 90% of my pregnancy
Wont be able to travel as much due to the extra stretch in finances
Wont be able to give DD the best of everything
Risk of PND again


Basically i want to have another one to go into labour myself and try to birth unassisted because i now regret insisting on being induced with DD, but i also dont want DD to be a only child, yet DH and I want to travel and live a comfortable life without finacial stress, well as much as possible.

im in 2 minds a lot, some days im all for it, others im totally against it....

i know i dont need to make up my mind right now, but id like to atleast have some direction in my thoughts....

i should also mention DH has only ever wanted one child, but has said im desperate for another he will agree to it

[LionsandBears]

My personal opinion is that I want to have a child to love and raise and see grow into a wonderful human being.

Do you want another child for themselves? For the unique individual they'll be, without any guarantee you'll get along together, that the siblings may not get along? Just for themselves?

You can work on your birth issues. You cant guarantee you'll have the birth you want anyway, though obviously it's a nice to have. Your child will survive without a sibling. They wont know any different.

[glenny_c]

Ah Crumpet, Such a huge decision for you hon!! I know you have been back and forth on this. Not sure I can help much since DH and I always knew we wanted a bigger family. It's only our ages that is making us decide to stop at 3. (If we are lucky enough to have a third.)
As L&B said, S has a lovely life and lots of friends. It's not like without a sibling she will be all alone.

As I said, not much help but I'm here for you to chat whenever you like hon.
xx

[sloane]

i'm not sure what it's like for other people but for me i just knew. i had an overwhelming drive to have more than one. as nice as a sibling may be for DS, that didn't really enter my head. i am an only child & have never had a problem with it so the concept of a sibling isn't so important to me. i was never lonely or missed having a sibling to play with - i had friends who filled that gap & most of the time was horrified to go to friends houses where the kids were all fighting, i hated that!

we're not in the best place financially but we figured if we waited for a 'right' time it may never happen or we may miss our chance. i know that i will need to work at some point to help us get by & figure that in the future i will be able to work more & that will hopefully allow us to enjoy those extra things such as travel.

i agree with L&B - for me this is about the unique person this child will be and i feel that i have so much love to give my child/ren. there are moments of frustration but the pride & joy i feel with my DS is the best feeling in the world.

at the moment i'm nervous about how i will cope with 2 little people but i'm also excited to meet this unique human being who i will (hopefully) have the opportunity to watch grow & learn & develop.

[crumpet]

My personal opinion is that I want to have a child to love and raise and see grow into a wonderful human being.

Do you want another child for themselves? For the unique individual they'll be, without any guarantee you'll get along together, that the siblings may not get along? Just for themselves?

You can work on your birth issues. You cant guarantee you'll have the birth you want anyway, though obviously it's a nice to have. Your child will survive without a sibling. They wont know any different.

Hey ya hun. Ummm honestly theres no right or wrong and i dont think theres ever a perfect time to have more, it tends to just work out. But being DH and i are talking about another the one thing i have said to him is i think we should wait untill we both want another 100% I dont think there should be any doubts. I have found that with the money thing....you always tend to just adjust to it, well we do anyway. And for me my main fear is can i cope with another yes this answer tends to change depending on if we are having a good or bad day.....but we tend to have more good than bad and the rewards are outweighing the cons.

Ah Crumpet, Such a huge decision for you hon!! I know you have been back and forth on this. Not sure I can help much since DH and I always knew we wanted a bigger family. It's only our ages that is making us decide to stop at 3. (If we are lucky enough to have a third.)
As L&B said, S has a lovely life and lots of friends. It's not like without a sibling she will be all alone.

As I said, not much help but I'm here for you to chat whenever you like hon.
xx

i'm not sure what it's like for other people but for me i just knew. i had an overwhelming drive to have more than one. as nice as a sibling may be for DS, that didn't really enter my head. i am an only child & have never had a problem with it so the concept of a sibling isn't so important to me. i was never lonely or missed having a sibling to play with - i had friends who filled that gap & most of the time was horrified to go to friends houses where the kids were all fighting, i hated that!

we're not in the best place financially but we figured if we waited for a 'right' time it may never happen or we may miss our chance. i know that i will need to work at some point to help us get by & figure that in the future i will be able to work more & that will hopefully allow us to enjoy those extra things such as travel.

i agree with L&B - for me this is about the unique person this child will be and i feel that i have so much love to give my child/ren. there are moments of frustration but the pride & joy i feel with my DS is the best feeling in the world.

at the moment i'm nervous about how i will cope with 2 little people but i'm also excited to meet this unique human being who i will (hopefully) have the opportunity to watch grow & learn & develop.

thank you all for ur input!


i always wanted 2 kids, but then when we found out about my dodgie cervix and then loosing DS it seemed that 1 would be our blessing and that was that....
but seeing DD play with my nephew makes me feel like its unfair on her to grow up alone, even though she will be close to her cousin and have friends.
i was a only child until 10.5yrs and while i know no better i always wonder what it would have been like to have a sibling close in age, and i dont want DD to go through that....

[Arimeh]

I always have a "cons" list and if they are easily argued out into a positive, there is your answer.

You never regret them, I can promise you that.

[forshelby]

I can't tell you what you should decide, of course. But it seems to me that your list of cons seems fairly manageable. Knowing what you're getting into will result in a much smoother transition, I imagine. You've been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Follow your gut instinct.

[~*familyof3*~]

Hey ya hun. Ummm honestly theres no right or wrong and i dont think theres ever a perfect time to have more, it tends to just work out. But being DH and i are talking about another the one thing i have said to him is i think we should wait untill we both want another 100% I dont think there should be any doubts. I have found that with the money thing....you always tend to just adjust to it, well we do anyway. And for me my main fear is can i cope with another yes this answer tends to change depending on if we are having a good or bad day.....but we tend to have more good than bad and the rewards are outweighing the cons.