Im a complete and utter failure.

[Freya]

Ive hit rock bottom I think.

Im a complete failure. My whole life is falling apart and I know its my fault but I cant stop it. Im so lonely its ridiculous and I hate myself. I am so sick of dealing with all of life's bullcrap on my own. I knew what I was getting into when I married Dh, heck Ive been raised military my entire life so I am conditioned to deal with having no family around and being jerked around by the Army. I didnt count on having no friends though and no matter what I do I just cant seem to make any decent ones wherever we end up being posted. Just once I would LOVE to be able to call my sister or my inlaws and tell them to come get my very naughty, frustrating 2yo before I tie him to the clothesline. So I can nap or be able to spend atleast a few hours not yelling or cleaning or crying. Dh just doesnt understand because they are oh so good little angels when he is home of a night and weekend but I get them when their at their devilsh worst. Ive already yelled twice today and its not even lunchtime yet. Ive had to put my 2yo to bed with a very stinky pooey nappy because he flatly refused to let me change him and I just dont have the energy to sit on 14kg of wriggling toddler while copping kicks to the stomach. I have had to do EVERYTHING major in my life with no support, every pregnancy, baby, miscarriage, surgeries, sick kids, the list goes on and on.

Im sick of my mother and her guilt tripping whinging crap too. Its a never ending cycle of cutting off contact with her because I cant stand it anymore and then after weeks of not talking I feel guilty and give her another chance just to have her be "me, me, me" and criticise everything I say or do, or give me guilt trips. Ive been doing ok the past few weeks I havent spoken to her emotionally but I made a courtesy call to her 2 days ago and now she's back to harrassing and bullying me and I feel like ****

I feel like I should never have had the boys some days and yearn for my old life that was uncomplicated and minimal responsibility. How disgusting is that!? They dont deserve me thinking like that about them

[aussienic]

I wish I could say something..

If it is any consolation I have yelled more then twice today

[LadyRaven]

Twice? You're doing well! I seem to be constantly yelling around here (mostly at the cats). Are there any parent groups or anything near where you are? Is there a community womans health centre you can talk to they may be able to put you in touch with some people near you?

[BellyBelly]

I hear you hon and I don't think you're abnormal or a bad mummy at all, alot of what you have said is familiar to me. We're all results of modern life, lack of community and support. If you can get out the house, even with some BB members for a cuppa, anything, it will help. Its hard to even think about getting anywhere when you feel like this, but see if you can get out or invite someone over, makes a world of difference having someone there with you who can empathise. The only person who can help is you unfortunately Make sure you talk to someone in person at least, not your direct family, so there is no bias or baggage...

[tiggerlinda]

Oh Anna this is tough sweetie I an empathise DH used to travel lots and we used to move every 6-12 months for his new contracts. I am here if you want a chat would offer to take the boys but can't get to Townsville I will PM you my mobile

PS: You are doing a great job and twice yelling not so bad hun

[Kazmar]

Anna- I sent you a PM.

Dont think like that! You a wonderful mummy!!! We all get like that, its normal and you're allowed to get down.
Makig good strong friendships will really help and will make the world of difference. My PM may be able to help you, I hope it does :hugs: take care

[lilima]

AnnaT - J is acting exactly the same as Jett. Today he smooshed fruit all into my jeans, and because I am just so tired, I basically just let him get away with it. They really push boundaries don't theny?

You probably have already, but have you though about joining a playgroup?

If you were close, I would have you over here in a flash.

[JAXsmummy]

maybe when your boy refuses to let you change his nappy you could put him in the shower

not only to avoid him getting a sore bum but also to avoid you having to clean up poo if it goes everywhere while he's in bed