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Hi mums,
Me again. I'm writing a feature for an australian glossy parenting mag about age-gaps!
I would love to hear your stories - the goods and bads of having the gaps that you did between kids. What you'd change, what you love. Even tips on coping with the down-sides would be really good.
Please give me your name, where you're from, your kids names - obviously the age gaps between them! If you are unhappy with revealing private info, I can change names.
I look forward to hearing from you!
Rachel x
Last edited by Trillian; January 4th, 2009 at 05:30 PM.
we kelly 23 and alex 37 currently have 2 kids TTC # 3. our age gap is 7 years we live in teh southern highlands in nsw.
i am a registere nurse work 2 jobs and do shift work and hubby works fro integral energy, so 5 days a week
cody was 7 when little taylah was born. its good and abd.
good because he is a great help and loves playing but abd because you cant go to teh once place for entertainment, taylah wont sit through a movie or play fotty or ride bikes so we cant take her or we haev to not go or i go and she stays with dad.
and likewise cody is over playing in ball pits and going to baby play groups and staying in teh wadding pool. its tough sometimes and a strain as cody loves being crafty but tay destroys it as she just has to get into it and try it ehrself.
its getting easier now as she is into drawing and painting but she doesnt quite get the this is my page that is codys to her its all her pages lol and can make for some funny times when cody gets cranky lol
Since i only have one I thought Id post my mothers instead if thats ok.
My mum is 38 with 5 kids.
Im 19
Nicola is 14
Tealah is 11
Kacey is 8
And Keisha is 4
The issue for my mum is that as i have moved out of home and have my own son she has no help (shes a single mum). My mum works fulltime and with Keisha just starting prep next year it has been hard for her. My brother Kacey has special needs so his appointments keep her very busy and as such Nicola, Tealah and I tend to be left out.
My name is Anna, I live in Townsville (my husband is military) and I have 2 boys Jett (2 born Sept 2006) and Ripley (1 born January 2008) with one on the way in early April (another boy - River) - all a 15mth age gap! I never saw myself as one of those mothers rushing around a shopping centre with a gaggle of toddlers in tow but I love it lol
We had originally planned on 3 or more year age gaps between kids but after a 2yr battle with infertility and 2 miscarriages we finally had our first, and after some discussion decided it would be beneficial to aim for a close gap due to our issues.
To be honest I was terrified because everyone only ever publicises or talks about the difficulties of very close age gaps but Ive found it to be quite the opposite! My only problem was that my second pregnancy was very difficult (pre term labour scares, long hospital stays and such) which put added pressure on myself with a under-12mth old to deal with as well as my husbands job requiring us to be away from family help but we managed with support of friends and some delegating. Its the only real issue Ive found with the closeness, the elder child/ren being too young to understand difficult situations like sickness, pregnancy etc Some days with my pregnancy issues or being ill it was a barely-managed day of just aiming to feed my little one and myself.
But I wouldnt change our decision for anything, the boys are now 2 and 1, and things have gotten a whole lot easier, its a beautiful thing to see them spend time together and be into similar stages as a twosome. We've managed to avoid the jealousy and clinginess that comes with a new sibling because our eldest was too young to remember a time of being a one-and-only. We really look forward to being able to take them places together and not have a division of age/interests, once their all over 3 there is nothing we wont be able to do as a group. Its also partly a selfish decision so to speak, I feel that its important for mothers and parents as a couple to be able to get some time back for themselves AFTER kids like they had pre-kids and I feel that big age gaps would make that hard for us. You get one child independent and some semblence of an adult life back only to have to backtrack through the newborn/teething/toilet training/terrible toddlerhood stage again. With our age gap, my life wont be in a holding pattern for years as the 'little kid' stage is done and dusted in literally a few years, the boys will be manageable and independent as a group and all follow on to school one year after the other so I can still go ahead with my plans to study midwifery at University and some travel. This time round its so much easier pregnancy wise so two toddlers and a big belly has been a breeze! I have moments of panic at the thought of dealing with two toddlers and a newborn as thats probably what I found the most daunting stage; coordinating feeds, naps and outings on very little sleep. Time flies though and the bad days that every parent has regardless of age gap become a distant memory. In the end, different age gaps work for different people, its all about looking at what you aim to get out of your life as a parent and having 3 under 3 suits our plans
I am Melanie from Brisbane with Jack who will be 4 in Feb, and Thomas who is 2. There is a 19 month age gap (would have been 20 months but Tom was in a rush to meet us!).
I had planned a small gap, as there is 6 1/2 years between oldest to youngest in my family growing up, and I didn't have a lot in common with my youngest sister until we were adults. I knew that having two within 2 years was going to be a lot of work. And in some ways it was harder than I thought, and in other ways easier.
The biggest issue for us was that after a very easy first baby, the second had colic and screamed for 12 weeks solid. That put a lot of stress on all of us. Most of what I remember from that time is a blur. But after coming out the other side of that, things have been busy but good (although of course there are always "some of those days". You might like this blog entry - https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...6-my-life.html - as an example of "one of those days.). The boys are very close which I love, and it actually makes life easier as they will happily play by themselves (and really have done so for a long time now). Also I know Tom learns so much from Jack.
Some tips for coping in the early days:
- Accept that you will out of action for at least 3 months so don't plan anything
- Have frozen meals prepared beforehand
- Get a cleaner
- If you don't already have one from the first child, buy a sling. It is the greatest way to soothe the baby while doing other things, and easier to get around than using a pram when out
- Talk to the older child lots about what is going to happen, how he can help and why mummy will have less time for him. This helped our DS so much he had no jealousy at all
- Get the older child to "help" as much as he can to feel involved
- A playpen can be a good idea to keep baby and toddler apart if the toddler is too rough
I also second Anna's comment - one of the hardest things of having two close is being pg with a toddler.
Hi
we are Kathryne (31) Anthony (35) From Sydney.
i have 2 children from a previous marriage
Ashlee (9) and Ricky (7) 23 months difference between these two. I have since remarried and now have a 12 week old boy, Jack (12 weeks old)
I found having the first 2 close it was NOT hard at all. BUT now nearly 10 years later having another, i am finding it HARD this time round, i feel like i am a new mother who has NEVER had children.
Things i would change if we have another bub...ask for MORE help, hire a cleaner (if $$ permit) and not be soo hard on myself
I'm Melanie from Brisbane. I'm 28 and my husband Michael is 47. I am expecting baby #4 in May. I fell pregnant with my daughter, Georgia, now 11.5, when I was 15. I knew she'd be an only child for a few years, even before I became a single mother before she turned 1. I knew I had to get back to school and studies etc. I often felt guilty having to study and work full time over the next few years as it meant her in care long days and when I was doing shift work I was often collecting her from my sister's bed at 11 pm, or dropping her off there at 5 am. I knew I had to do it though. I met my husband when she was 5. We had William, now 2 when Georgia was a month shy of 9, so nearly 9 year age gap. It was great as Georgia helped so much and loved finally having a sibling, I'd go change his nappy and she'd call out.. I've already done it (all the time). I enjoyed having a husband with a steady income enabling me to just be a mum for a while. Luke arrived 16.5 months after William, and that's when everything seemed to get sooo much harder. Luke doesn't sleep (still) and with trying to do the school run in the morning and afternoons for my daughter, it made/makes it difficult to establish a decent nap routine for the boys. My daughter definitely lost a bit of interest in being so hands on with helping, although she still does help alot. I found it difficult in the first few months having a 1 yr old and newborn as they had such different needs. I kept thinking how much easier it would be with twins! (not that I would know) But trying to breastfeed at home or shops/public and having a 1 yr old running off (he's an escape artist) or needing something etc. It has definitely made a difference since Luke has gotten older and recently turned 1. I make them the same things for breakfast/lunch/dinner.. ie not having to make different meals for everyone. They can play with the same toys etc.
I finally started my UNI degree when Luke was only 4 months old, thinking there will definitely be no more children until I finish uni. I'm so excited about it after having my daughter so young. Anyhow.. very unexpectedly found we were expecting again and there will be a 18 month gap between Luke and the baby - so just scrapes in with 3 under 3, plus a nearly 12 yr old by then.
Although I felt the difficulty having children close in age and having such different needs in the early days, I now really feel the strain having these young babies/toddlers, and a pubescent daughter. She just got her first period after Christmas, and has been so hormonal. She misses out on alot of special time with me too as I am so busy/tired with the younger children. It makes me feel guilty.
I am usually/still am a very positive person, but the last year with my little Luke being such a difficult baby sleep wise has definitely taken it's toll on the whole family. I'm crabbier more often, my husband and I are constantly sleep deprived zombies.
In saying all this, I wouldn't have anything any other way though. I'm so lucky to have the family I have. Having my daughter so young instilled in me such determination to achieve and I know no limits to what I can accomplish. Things are definitely getting easier with Luke, and it's so beautiful to see the boys playing and so close in age.
I will be back at Uni (externally) when this next little baby is only 1 month old so have a few very busy years ahead.
My approach when things feel overwhelming or difficult is to constantly remind yourself it isn't like this forever, and focus on all the wonderful things you have in your life to be appreciative of, count your blessings and be grateful. And when you get those few minutes of peace and quiet each night - try and savour and enjoy them to recharge your mind and soul.
Gosh I can ramble on!!
HTH!
My children's birth dates are below if you require them
Hi
I'm from Tassie I am 39yrs
My little ones are Liam (17) Isabelle (15) -21/2 year gap
then Lewis 1year - yes 14 year gap
Soon to be another with 18month gap.
I agree with the comment that having such a big gap is like starting all over again. But I found the older kids lavish attention on the youngest one, help to get nappies changed and get bottles too!!! It has been brilliant for me.
Jaidan and Chase are 14 months apart. I love the small age gap, while it was hard being pregnant and looking after a bub, and the first few months after I had Chase were a blur, I wouldn't change it for the world. They are close, good mates, keep eachother amused which is handy for mum, and are just a breeze to look after. On the other hand they are also cheeky and get up to mischief together!
Then when Chase was 3.5 along came Ashton. I love love love having a big gap and only one 'baby' to look after! It's wonderful spending time with him without the other 2 boys fighting for my attention. They appreciate that mummy needs to feed/bath/change/play with their brother and they are great little helpers! They just adore him (and I have a million photos to prove it lol) and are fantastic when it comes to 'helping' mummy by playing with him, talking to him, and just keeping him amused while I do some housework or something of the sort. THey are so protective of their brother too, it's very cute! They go to their dads house once a fortnight and the first thing they do when they walk in the door isn't saying "hello" to mummy, it's running to their baby brother and calling him a cheeky boy, telling him how much they missed him, kissing him and giving him HUGE hugs. It's so sweet.
So while I love the gap with the older 2, I also appreciate the gap of 3.5 years and the time I get to spend with Ashton, which I feel I missed out on with Jaidan and Chase.
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