Registered User
what is it with men who wont stand up to their mums??
i would just say to her that you appreciate that she's trying to help, but you are following dr's instructions on how to feed olive and they need to be stuck to. maybe mention that if she can't do that, you'll have to find someone to look after her who will.
good luck!
Life Subscriber
I know how you feel - I have similar issues with my MIL. Your DH is right, that she does THINK she's doing the right thing, but that's not the point. It's fine for her to think you are doing the wrong thing - I think most MILS do think that about their DILs, and part of it comes from the difference in recommendations and medical advice from when they were mums. I understand that. But it's NOT ok to act on it and do things against your wishes. My MIL feeds my boys things I'd prefer she didn't, and mostly I let it go as it's minor (but I do pull her up for spoon feeding my 4yo who is quite capable of feeding himself but knows that nanny will cave, and then expect all of us to feed him at the next meal!!). But I would not have let it go if she was feeding a baby those things. I would be livid in fact.
I know how hard it is and your DH probably feels like he can't win. But you do need to make it clear to both of them that there are things that are acceptable (such as grandma giving a toddler or pre-school kid a chocolate or similar treat), and some that are not (introducing a new food to a baby without your permission). Grandparents will be grandparents, which is why I pick my battles and let some things slide. But with most things, every member of the family knows where the line is that they are not to cross. I hope that makes sense.
GL hun. It's not an easy one.
Registered User
it's the sneakyness that annoys me the most.she is deliberately undermining your parenting.
your dh really needs to speak to her about it or it will keep going on with all types of issues about olive over the next few years (not just with regards to food) and will reach boiling point.
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
I would just ask her why she insists on doing it when she knows it upsets you...
Registered User
:yeahthat:
My DF takes his mothers side too and i believe shes had her babies and she raised them how she wanted to this is your baby and you will feed her what you want to. DH needs to help you. Goodluck
Registered User
Hmm, it makes me mad when I read posts about parents butting in like this.
Rather then getting DH to say something, i think its high time YOU had the conversation with her.
Be nice but firm " MIL, thank you for helping me so much with Olive, I know you have quite a bit of experience with babies so it is reassuring to know that she is in capable hands. Can I please ask you to not feed her anything that I don't know about. She gets plenty of nutrition and is perfectly healthy. We will decide when we want to introduce different solids into her diet."
If she comes back with any excuses you can always add the threat " I have asked you nicely not to feed DD food we have not introduced her to, if you cannot respect our/my wishes, we simply will not leave her in your care."
She needs putting back in her box and as Olives mother, you need to be the one to do it obviously your Dh isn't strong enough to stand up to his mum.
Nae x
Registered User
My MIL would be scraping herself off the floor if she did this to me!
I think it is the height of disrespect to you as a mother to feed YOUR child food that you haven't approved.
If you DF wont say anything, I think you have to, being calm but firm.
Good Luck!!
Registered User
geez, next she will be shoving peanut butter down your dd throat! I know exactly how you feel. when my MIL came to visit, i came downstairs only to find her trying to teach ds how to give the finger!!! I LOST IT completely with her, i mean wtf?? why would you teach a then 15 month old that??
I think you need to put her in her place, and you need to do it now. I think if you are polite about it to her, she just won't listen, so you really need to be firm. Do what NaeNae said and refuse to let her look after your dd if she continues to disobey your rules.
GL with it, i know how frustrating and annoying it can be, ESPECIALLY when your dh won't stand up to her!
Registered User
thats a bit of a tough spot to be in. I dont have any issues with my MIL. My mum on the other hand i guess is just trying to help (as far as she can see) but when she visits now (both living in seperate states now) she will say something in a tone that's a bit harsh or doesn't need to be said e.g "you might want to change her bib now? shouldn't she have a bib on? etc)
I would suggest talking to your MIL. After all if this continues the whole sneak, guilty, comments to hubby it could get worse as years go bye.. by then your DH will be oblivious to it happening, thinks its the normal... you teach people how they are to treat you. Potentially what later down the track with MIL will she sneak and lie about? I know this is just over food, nutrition.. and she i feel does have the best of heart for whats best for Olive (In her eyes) Thats lovely, but she needn't go around youre back like this. If you could put it to her nicely and throw in a "doctor said shes allergic to...", "nurses say Olive has put on weight nicely...". "We both appreciate how much youve been helping with Olive and would love that you keep coming around."
After all, Olive is your child. Dh should support you in your mothering/nuturing role to Olive. As should MIL!
You also don't want this to blow up and have a cranky MIL! Have to agree with Mantaray on picking youre battles! (i grew up with my mum and her MIL (so my nan) always at each others throats. i dont remember them ever saying anything nice, sometimes not even speaking! My dad would always defend his mum(MIL) and it infuriated & saddened my Mum. Kids are very cluely on what's going on!)
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
When the GK's were smaller and had to feed them I just bought jars and fed them that. DD started getting them for me so I then just bought some when I did the shopping.
Maybe this is the way to go, send enough food for the time she is with your MIL and say you are trying these foods in case you need them when out.
As for anything acidic, definitely put a stop to it. I cannot have anything like pineapple, orange etc. because of the acid content and if she reacts then you have a very upset child.
As a grandmother I say tell her where you stand. She is your child so grandparents should respect you in the way you bring up your child/ren. Sure, things are different to when we had small children but in alot of cases the changes are for the better as we are better informed.
All the best as you deal with these issues.
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