Need help.. normal 4 yr old behaviour?

[Papillon]

You're MIL is probably right. Have a think about what she has seen and been through since you and your DH have separated. She has seen you be stressed and upset, possibly even angry, she is seeing all the upheaval that comes when a family breaks up and going back and forth between the two of you for visitation etc and now she is dealing with a Mum who from her perspective does nothing but tell her off and not give her enough time and attention. Now I know that you can't give her your undivided attention every time she wants it, but she cannot understand that.

Children often act out when there is a family break up and it can take some time for them to get used to it - if they ever do. Some kids will cope just fine, but others don't and they need a helping hand to deal with it. I know that its hard when you have enough of your own issues to sort through in a break up, let alone the childrens, but it has to be done. You really need to sit down with her and just talk to her about it. Don't yell - it will only make things worse and make her feel like you aren't listening to her. Children don't have the emotional coping tools to help them through on their own when this happens, so you need to really be there for her and just listen to her. Maybe you could make an arrangement so the two little girls go with their Dad one week and she stay with you to give you some mother daughter time where she can have you all to yourself and try to reconnect with her again. Then the next time it's visitation, do the opposite, only Teleah goes to her Dad.

Having come from a 'broken' home I know only too well the pressure that is placed on the eldest child when a family breaks up and it doesn't matter that she's only the age she is, she is old enough to pick up on things and her behaviour is the only way she knows how to deal with it.

What Trillian has said, was what i was going to say. So i wont add to it... except just to say you are doing a fantastic job, so please do not feel like you have done anything wrong or failed her by any means. I know, your possibly having some of those feeling's through this seperation. The fact you reaching out to find out if she is 'normal' shows you are a wonderful mum, who just like the rest of us, doesnt have a manual for our gorgeous little bundles of joy. And so this means when things go pear shape, and we loose our way slightly, its a great idea to reach out to those around us, for help.

My DD is 4, however, just turned. (march)...

On the days when i am in a bad mood, or stressed, she is very similar to your DD. Although not quite as bad, but then she is only JUST 4 so, maybe thats to come .... not sure... but i know when i am not quite right, she is far from it. So i reckon tril is quite on the money with her thoughts/experience/advice!

you will be able to do what she needs... and she will be fine!! You all will be

[Nai]

Now this is a VERY long time ago but my parents split up when I was 2 and even though I was an only child I distinctly remember having tantrums and meltdowns whenever my mother even remotely showed affection or gave compliments to someone else. I recall I was around 5 or 6 when the feelings peaked. I did grow out of it without any help but that was 30+ years ago and help fo rthings like that probably weren't around.

So I think that it is very understandable given what she has been through and I would encourage some counselling for her to help her get through this and help her manage her feelings. However, I also think that she will get better as she matures.