We've had a lot of very trying times with Jacob lately and I have really felt the need to vent or that I will totally lose my marbles, yet like you, I feel guilty that I find myself getting upset, angry, frustrated or impatient.
Every day I say the same things "I can't believe he's really here" and tell him how much I love him. Having said that, I still get upset like every other parent as I mentioned.....it's hard as a it's a real conflict of emotions for me. I feel desperately need in tools to help me through the tough times, yet guilty that I should need them at all - as his Mummy, I should always know what the problem is and how to fix it, and I should never lose my patience with him because he's such a special little bean........
I've been thinking about this since I posted the other night Angel, and you know, I think we're all harder on ourselves than we need to be! I think it goes without saying how very, very grateful we are to have our children with us and how much we cherish them, but I think it is possible to get frustrated every now and then and still be grateful at the same time IYKWIM? For example, when my son cries, I am grateful that he is able to because I didn't get to experience it with my daughter...it doesn't mean I have to enjoy it though! (Especially at 3.30 in the morning!) I don't think that feeling frustration makes us ungrateful or shows dishonour to the journey that we have travelled to get here, it just makes us human! We're not saints, after all.
That is what my head says anyway if I think rationally about it...but we all know that the head and the heart don't always feel the same way. Our feelings are what they are and it's not like we can just turn them off. I don't know what the answer is, or how to *not* feel like we don't have the right - like you said, our losses do affect what we do and feel - we do probably need to go a bit easier on ourselves though!
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