I think it would be far better to hold your tongue adn discuss it later in private, that way DS thinks you are together on parenting issues, instead of trying to play you against each ohter.
HOWEVER, I seem always to be jumping to DS defence in the moment....
im happy to discuss things infront of the kids. it shows them we communicate about how we parent, and it shows ways of negotiating.
we then come to agreement together and that is what is inforced..
we also will comment to each other after the fact if we believe it was necassarily the right way to go about it or if one of us thinks it only happened because one of us were a bit grumpier then usual.
I've decided that if I disagreed with something that my little man's father was doing I'd not say something in front of our son, only because I remember what it was like when I was younger and my parents would disagree.
If Dad was telling me off for something, and all of a sudden Mum was telling Dad off for telling me off, it kind of made me feel a little too powerful, if that makes sense? And then it would be too easy to play Mum & Dad off one another.
Even now my parents like to complain to me about one another (totally different, I know) and I hate it. I really don't want to get involved or take sides.
I think well.. have a fear lol of if you argue in front of little children they tend to let their little brains work out which parent is going to be the easiest to manipulate kwim? If mummy is always sticking up for me then i'll go to her when I want something .. well that's what I reckon Ava will be like she's a smart little cookie except she won't be coming to mummy, she's a daddy's girl. Plus as a child who came from an abusive home I don't want to see me and dp arguing i'd much rather wait until him and I are alone.
Ditto what others said about disagreeing in front of small kids. But I suspect that once kids are older it might be useful to have "staged" disagreements about things in front of them (ie: one parent can "convince" the other about why child should not be allowed out past 10, drink alcohol, go to a sleepover, whatever)
Hmmm, maybe in theory it sounds good - I would love to see if it works though LOL!
It depends on the circumstance - there are times when DH may jump the gun and disicpline one of the girls for something they haven't done. If I have proof of it - I will calmly act in defense of them in front of the kids. Dh will then apologise to whichever dd - and back down. I think in this instance it's good to hear their Dad say sorry to them for misunderstanding.
On the weekend though - we handled a situation very poorly - in front of our eldest - who is 7. We reflected afterwards though, which I think is very healthy for all of us.
I have in the past slipped up and disagreed in front of the kids, and as my psych said to me its important to do so. Children do need to see conflict as often children who do not do not know handle it well as adults... HOWEVER this is a biggy... don't have conflict without resolution. We make it very clear in front of our children that we are resolving it and when their is resolution (which always ends with us both apologising, acknowledging each others feelings and showing intimacy through cuddles etc) we include them in it if they have been there. One thing I will never forget is my psych said to me its important for children to see all aspects of our relationship, but it is important for us to show respect in doing so to each other and our children.
But if there was a parenting thing, if I couldn't subtly show an alternative without coming across as putting him down or undermining his parenting I'll do it later. And DH does it with me. And if either of us have acted inappropriately its our responsibility to explain that to our children and resolve that as well. And in most cases then the other parent will praise the other parent in front of the child to show support and consolidation. It is important to show a unified front as a parent but its also important (IMO) to teach a child how to speak up in a respectful way if something isn't ok.
BellyBelly Member
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks