I guess the hardest thing to get your head around is, each mother has a different style of parenting. Whilst i agree with everything u have said....thats her way of bringing up her son. I sure as hell wouldnt be like that with DD. I have had comments on how i raise my child....but this is my style. Every amily is different, have different beliefs, diff cultures. Also depends on how they were raised as a kid as well.
Id find it extremely hard not to speak up. and say something....but theres a line you cant cross i feel. Thats her way...and u have to respect that?
What would i do.....im not sure.. i guess id stop seeing her.....i feel for the child...and hate her mothering ways.
You will always find people like this. They are everywhere - but difference is what makes the world an interesting place.
Personally, I would work slowly, making very small steps. When the next baby comes along, she will find the whole 9pm thing very hard, and that would be the perfect time to help.
The best way I have found to help people like that, is to wait until they are in crisis (I know - it's nasty to wait that long - but often they will not listen until then) - and then say - "Well, I have that exact problem, and I found that *this* (insert suggestion) really helped" - then they might reach out for your help.
My friend has a terrible time with her 4 children and they are awefully difficult, and she really loses it sometimes. Sometimes I call her and say "Oh - I really lost it with the kids today" - and that starts her 'confessional' - and then I can make helpful suggestions about behaviour modification/routine management.
Good luck!
Rather than taking the high road, try coming in from a position of "wow - I really know how that feels". You could be surprised at the response.
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