Maybe if youenjoy your child free time together then just focus on that. Have girl's days out together but try to avoid situations where you will have your children together.
I think that differant parenting styles can often be a bit of an issue in cross-cultural friendships/relationships. In realtion to bedtime, in Spain it's not uncommon to see kids running around long after they would be in bed in most English and Australian households. Alot of my Arab friends also send thier kids to bed very late. That's thier culture so I figure that its worked for generations so although it's not my way there's nothing wrong with it.
I have a friend who's husband is really rough with thier children and I have really cut back on the mount of time I spend with them as a couple because I can't cope with watching a man screaming at a little girl until she cries. These days I try and arrange it so that I see her and her children sans the husband.