Parents in law driving me up the wall!!

[Jennifer13]

Oh boy, this sounds soooo familiar to me. Why is it always the ILs????!!!

My MIL tried to take over during the pg (first grandchild both sides, but my Mum was the best!), I spent most of the time 'managing' her expectations and they still came crashing down after DD was born. She threw a big tantrum, had a huge argument with DP (thankfully, not me) and didn't speak to us for 6 mths! Bliss! Didn't last, but she is better since. Our boundaries are VERY CLEAR. She causes grief, but it's contained and controlled and has minimal impact on DD, who loves her Grandma. DP's brother is finally having a baby with his fiancee and this may or may not take the pressure off us! (MIL says she doesn't care what this baby is, as she already has her much-wanted beautiful granddaughter...).

Your DH needs to stand by you and respect your feelings, in spite of his family. You and DS are his family now, the extended family needs to respect this and take the backseat supportive role they are meant to. They've raised their children, it's time to wait and be asked for what you need, not do it for you. DP always did this for me and despite the problems his family caused in our relationship, it would have been MUCH worse had he not been so clear and supportive with me.

[thepixie]

peachy just wanted to say i feel for ya babe! I thought my ILs would be exactly like this when we had our DD (who was eleven days overdue and also born on 9/08/08! snap!). But they haven't been a problem at all. I have a sneaky suspicion the Bear might have given them a bit of a talking to... As far as the birth, I made it clear even beforehand that I would not tell anyone I was in labour until after the baby was born... the way I see it, labour and birth is intensely private and you are already under enough pressure without MIL or anyone else waiting around outside! I don't know that they liked it but tough. I have to say since she was born they have been great. They are around a lot but they always call, they don't get thingy if we cancel, and although FIL comes up with some rather-too-elaborate schemes for things to do with her at times, I have found that MIL helps me divert him (rather like you would a toddler!). All you can do is be very upfront and say no a lot. In the end he's your baby. Besides, if they aggravate him enough he will start to cry and nothing gets a baby handed back to mum quicker than a good cry!
Anyway you should pop into our baby buddies thread sometime if you like!

[BeautifulMadness]

U poor thing u. its not you, its them and they need to learn to back off and let u have time with you're son. Also its a bit disrepesctful of urDH not see it from you're point of view either and he should be telling them to back off.

Tell them to back off

[Glamourcide]

You and DS are his family now, the extended family needs to respect this and take the backseat supportive role they are meant to.

Ah, that's what I forgot to say in my post!! I totally agree - my FiL was always harping on and on and on about how 'you two are your own family now, and when bub arrives it'll be just the three of you - we'll stay out of your business but we still want to be involved'...
and then when she was born it suddenly became 'WE WANNA SEE HER, WE NEVER GET TO SEE HER, YOU TWO ARE SO SELFISH AND YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT FAMILY, WHERE'S YOUR LOYALTY BLAH BLAH BLAH' and I just got sick to the gills of it...
Where was his loyalty to his family when he kicked my DH out at 16 years of age and didn't speak to him for three years?
Honestly I think his little tirades about how we were our own family and didn't need anybody interfering were just his way of having a dig at my mother, who yes can have her moments of being a royal pain but at least she has never been such a complete asshat as my FiL.
(He was just on the phone a minute ago demanding to know whether we'd completed his latest 'to do' list... Umm, DH is at work for ten hours a day and I'm at home with a baby - your stuff cna just wait, you're not going anywhere.) Ugh.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

MIL says she doesn't care what this baby is, as she already has her much-wanted beautiful granddaughter...

Jennifer, MiL still adores her granddaughter, her much longed for little girl in the family. Her grandson is, to all intents and purposes, ignored as completely as she can do so. She'll babysit Niece, but not Liebling. She loves Niece but can't even name Liebling's favourite toy (books, not Thomas/Brio/Duplo... although Thomas books are enjoyed).

Won't take anything off you! They'll still visit you and not their other grandchild because your daughter is the one they want and they don't give a stuff about any other grandchild now.

Oooh, sorry, am I appearing a little bit bitter now? Hope your MiL is better to her other DiL than mine is to me.

[SophieRose]

I'm freaking out a bit because DP is an only child, and although he has a little girl from a previous relationship, the in-laws never get to see her because of DP's ex. So now i'm worried because i think that because this bub is going to be there all the time for them to see. eek!!
When Paige (DP's little girl) comes over every second weekend his parents keep calling and insisting that they take her out to do something or other. Even when she was really sick, they still insisted on taking her to the work christmas party at a pool!!! DP caves in with Paige, but let me tell you, if there is any random "show-ups" or they over step their boundaries and won't leave us the hell alone, i'm going to have to have the talk with them.

My mum is pretty good, and i know she won't be overbearing. So i'm not worried about my parents. But i'm definatly worried about the in-laws

[Rivlas]

Renee,
Am writing this from a grandparent view (I have two and they are the only ones on both sides).
When you have children they are yours not your parents so set boundaries especially at bedtime as that is a very special time to have together (it also helps your child to settle quicker). Sure they may feel hurt (or insulted) but you are the one who will have to deal with an unsettled child, no matter how good he is now, so a routine is helpful.
You also need time together as a family and not just a week night.
We have boundaries with the boys for which I am glad as we all know where we stand. Sure, we sometimes break them but it easy for the parents to tell us when we have due to these.
As for when you have your next, yes give them the later date. I never wanted to know the exact date as I wanted the GKs to be a surprise.
All the best as you deal with in-laws but remember this is now your family.

[1MOREPLZ]

thought i might join your little thread....
DH is an only child, we have just had Jack (1st grandchild for his parents 4th for my parents)
My MIL is the MIL from hel!!!!
It is Jacks baptism next Sunday..well it was his baptism..now it is NOT on because of said MIL...she really rubs me the wrong way...EVERYTHING is about her....
as soon as we get there (to visit) she rips Jack from my arms..no matter how he is etc...always has an opinion on what we do, is ALWAYS interfearing, never has a nice thing to say about me..says i am 'not fit to be her DIL has called my older 2 children (previous marriage) dirty black little b$%#$^&s(part aboriginal)
So now to top it all off, the baptism has to be cancelled because she has kicked up a stink because i haven't bought my son any new clothes to wear (he has really nice denim shorts and a nice polo shirt from christmas he hasn't worn yet) her & her sister decided upon themselves to go and buy my daughter a new outfit for the baptism (which i don't like..looks too ****ty fort a 9yr old)
MIL (biatch) her sister/brother in law are Jacks god parents ..well they were but now i have to cancel everything due to them....
coz if they don't go we don't have god parents for Jack....
sorry for the long rant....

[HotI]

ps next time i have a little one i'm making a sign for the front door each time i don't want anyone visiting... as simple and rude as that!!

I went to drop some photos off to someones place, and on the door was a note that her older kids had made up. "

SSShhhh! Jasmine (baby s name) and Mum are having a nap. Please come back to play later"

It was gorgeous, and i was happy to leave and come back later. I would have felt bad if there was no sign, and i had knocked and woken them up. I made a mental note to make myself a sign when bub comes along.