A question for those who are done having kids but didn't have as many as they planned

[toomanyshoes]

If your done with having kids but didn't end up with as many as you planned/hoped/dream how did you get over wanting more? What was the reason for not having as many as planned? Do you regret it? Would you consider more in 5-10 years time?

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I've not gotten over it yet, I just learn to live with being constantly miserable, incomplete and longing for the family that I always wanted. Although we're currently planning to TTC #2 at the end of the year, I can see that being postponed until I've finished the menopause (DH is putting postponement noises out already, has been for a few months). Yes, I'd consider more in 5-10 years' time. I'd always consider more. Age gaps aren't as important as actually having children for me to love and screw up.

DH is also against adoption, fostering or me donating eggs.

[blessedatlast]

I'm done having kids.. Not by choice though.. I think I am going to have to work very hard to accept it. I have felt so incomplete my whole life but now I have one baby, I'm still a Mother, it's time to be happy. If I don't work on that I will be miserable for the rest of my life and I don't think that's fair on the son I do have..

If I ever got the opportunity to have more (meaning I could afford a surrogate) Then Yes I would definitely have more kids.. Even if I was much older, I don't think I'd say no..

[kateo]

I'm a mother to my gorgeous Angel Ellen and my happy smiley little DS. I am going to be 44 in a couple of months and since our first pregnancy took 8 years of trying I imagine my DS will be my only earthside bubba.
In DH's words another pregnancy "would be way too stressful". I agree it would be but I'd do it for another chance at a bubba.
I have to accept I am very lucky to have my 7month old little fellow and my darling angel girl. I also accept that it's not just me but the affect another bubba would have on our family might be tough.
I guess I'm done but I'd love another one to fill my arms to overflowing.
I think like wishing my angel was here I think I'll go to my grave wishing I had more beautiful babies.

[anney]

I wanted more but had to accept only one because of my age. I do feel lucky to even have her as I have many friends that would love to have a child. I am not sure that accept is the right word actually but I agree with BAL that you have to be happy for what you have, not miserable for what you don't have. I struggle with it more for dd's sake as now she is older, she misses having a sibling but when she was young it did not bother her.

[Miss.B]

I have had 3 pg, but have only one DS here earth side. We will try again for a sibling for DS, but if we don't succeed (I'm getting on at almost 42) then yes, I will feel incomplete as I always imagined myself with at least 2, but preferably with 3 kids here on earth. I do feel very blessed to have my beautiful DS, but the craving to have more is very strong. I didn't meet my partner till I was 35, so time was never on my side.

[PinkPalace]

We originally wanted 4.
after no.1 we decided that 2 will be best for our situation and financial reasons,

we do not regret it at all , we have said if we wanted more children downt he track we would adopt (as we cant have any more now)

[Dustmite]

Toomanyshoes: my wife had many plans, ideas and rules about having children back when we got married. One of those silly rules was she would be done by 30. She gave birth to our 3rd child at 31 and suddenly turned into a baby machine.

The thing is she realized the 30 rule was an arbitrary number that wasn't nearly important at 30+ than it was at 20+. Although PG's in 30's are not the same as in 20's, your body should handle just fine. Outside of special circumstances there is no reason to assume pregnancy issues through your thirties.

What I am trying to say is don't hamper your family's happiness over an arbitrary number. If you are struggling with this, maybe wait a little longer. If you have next baby at 36 who cares so long as you and family are excited and happy. My wife and I are gearing up to actively try for our sixth and I can honestly say we are very excited and hopeful. She is 37 right now and obviously nearing the end of reasonably fertile expectations. But if her body is still functioning well enough we will take advantage of it and enjoy the opportunity to make our family better, more complete.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Gigi]

i had one child and she arrived when i was 39. Lucky to even have her. Every reason you can think of, is why i don't have another, to give her a sibling.

financially, physically, no partner or liklihood of that happening, and i've realised, with my health, there is no way i could cope with more than one child. So it was meant to be. Doesn't stop me dreaming and wanting, another. I see babies in public and sometimes tear up.

[Amity]

I've been single for six years. It's hard to have more kids without a bloke

I always wanted five kids. In fact, with the right man, and in the right circumstances, I'd love to have another three. It is possible, given my age, to have another three - but the whole partner thing is an issue.

[black_rose]

We wanted 4 or 5, both of us even we still had two kids. Then reality hit in a big way, my body doesn't like carrying babies to term everyday after 34 weeks is a struggle. Having two little girls to look after and having dh trying to run a business and look after all of after was difficult then the fast labour on top of that I knew I was done before ds was even born. Dh supported me and came to the same decision and was thinking about a vasectomy which he had once ds was 1. It took us a while to settle into a routine with three kids and further confirmed that three kids was enough for us. I still look at babies wistfully but I know we aren't having anymore.

[fionas]

After getting married young and separating at 31, I was single for most of my thirties. I hadn't really thought about children or how many I wanted in my twenties but realised time was running out when I was in my mid-thirties and single.

After having DD1 at 38, I wanted heaps more but it took me a long time to recover from that pregnancy/birth. I was virtually housebound for six months after her birth because I couldn't walk very well and am still feeling the effects five years later.

My second pregnancy was even worse physically - was in a wheelchair and had gestational diabetes to boot.

The only way I could have another baby is to wait until DD2 is around three years old. Physically, I can't lift or carry DD2 for very long which is troublesome when there are definitely times when I need to lift/carry her.

If it wasn't for the physical issues, I think I would have had three by now. Despite my age, I got pregnant both times within a couple of months of trying.

How do I reconcile myself to this? I just think back of the lonely and worrying times in my thirties when I didn't think I would have ANY children and that makes me feel incredibly blessed to have two.