Raising a one and only child chat thread.

[anney]

My apologies for not posting before this, when I was one of the people who asked for this thread.
Our DD is 7 almost 8 and we tried for 5 years to have another child but I am 48 now so that ain't going to happen. Choosing to only have one child is different to having that decision made for you through external circumstances. I would never have chosen to have one child but that is what I have and we make the best of it.
smiles re this

i just hope it is ' worse ' for me in having to deal with it all then to think it could be 'worse' for my DD as an only child, i truly hope not as i'd find that incredibly hard to think about.

I believe that only children know what they know, they don't know what it is like to have siblings. I desperately wanted another child so that DD would have more of a childhood like the one I had. But that was my issue. I think that there will be lots more only child families in this generation due to older mums and relationship breakup and through financial necessity so I don't think only children will be as unusual as they were in our day. I guess that doesn't necessarily make it easier for them but I am hoping that there will be more only children as both children and adults for her to have relationships with. IYKWIM.
When DD was around 4 and we would come home from people's houses that had more than one child and she had been having a great time playing, she would say on the way home in the car "I wish I lived at their house". It would make me really sad.
But DD is really great as she plays very well on her own. She rarely needs me to entertain her. she is happy to play with her dolls or lines up her teddies to play snakes and ladders with her. (makes me sad sometime when I see that)

[smiles4u]

But DD is really great as she plays very well on her own. She rarely needs me to entertain her. she is happy to play with her dolls or lines up her teddies to play snakes and ladders with her. (makes me sad sometime when I see that)

aww she sounds just like my DD, and i think to my lucky stars my DD is incredibly out going and loves to be around people of all ages, one of her favourite people in the whole world was her 91year old Great-Great Uncle Leo whom lived around the corner from us until this Feb when he sadly passed away. It taught me she can find friendship in any age even at her age, just simply beautiful.

... and at the same token she happily plays alone but never without noise or sound around her she loves to chatter away. And i understand ' that' feeling Anney will you without really working on the thought think " ohhhh she's on her own playing ".

She has always said to me " Mummy you are my best friend ", although something i haven't encouraged as i friend i'm her Mummy more than anyone, and that's a whole lot rolled in one But yesterday she came up to me and said " Mummy i be thinking you can be my best friend so we can play together ALLLLL the time ". For the first time i think she's realising she is on her own as a child in the house, cause i'm a big kid at heart and jokes lots with her & play as any Mum would i think she never saw that she was an only child in the house until yesterday (she just turned 4 last Thurs).

I get her out lots to visit her little friends so she has that play too and of course she has kids activity programs, and Kinder she goes to and loves. I've done beyond all i could to make sure she has established relationships with her relatives too. She is no longer the 1st grandchild on her Daddy's side she now has two boy cousins (they are brothers) 2years old and a newborn ... so i feel odd but nice to say it's wonderful she has them to play with as they are part of her being relo's but never the same as siblings but that's fine, i'm just so happy she has them in her life too

[danniellabella]

Thanks so much for sharing how you came to the decision to have 1 child. I think I might stay subscribed to this thread but maybe not post. I'll be a reader.


Smiles: as for the age thing and the difficulty conceiving, I can totally understand your decision and I guess that was good for me to see. I'm only 27 so still have time.

[Nai]

Rory & Rouge - I have started a thread for us only-child adults https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ss-adults.html

Smiles - as an only child growing up in Ballarat I can honestly say it was a blast Like you, my mum never planned on me being an only child but my father left when I was 2 and she never found someone else to continue our family with.

[smiles4u]

Rory & Rouge - I have started a thread for us only-child adults https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ss-adults.html

... thanks Nai for starting that great thread for yourselves i will most likely pop in and maybe get some ideas at some point
(and thanks Nai i know your intentions are kind one's from your generous heart, your just so lovely )

To anyone that might be curious my being on this thread is not all about how my DD is going to be as an only child and that would be hard for someone to understand that who doesn't have an only child ... this thread for me personally is somewhere i can talk to others who may feel some of the pain i do in not being able to have another child FOR MYSELF too and my DP, i still struggle with it every day to the point i can border in feeling depressed at times, the only way i can describe it to people with more than one child is like going through grieving, well that's how it feels for me. It would be so lovely to have one or more children myself and find the humour in that but that's no me.

I guess it would be a selfish relief to know i am not the only one that struggles with those emotions ... how awful of me to say i would feel better to know i am not the only feeling this way, but i will be honest in saying it would make me feel better not knowing someone is suffering BUT to know i am normal after all IYKWIM !!

*** Thanks to anyone that is listening ...
... i so deeply appreciate it but i do struggle taking advice from women who have not experienced this journey and have what i strive so hard and long for " another child + "

Big hugs from me to anyone here that might need one

[Nai]

smiles - you are just the best!

[smiles4u]

aww your the bestest lovely lady

[Nettie]

I'm 80% sure that my DS will be an only child. My DH will have the final say in whether or not we have any more children (as he is the stay-at-home-Dad) and he's not keen on any more.

So I hope you don't mind if I stay as I'm still processing this likelihood and could use the support in here that the decision is ok. I'm 36 and took a while to conceive Liam, so even if we wanted to, I probably couldn't

I promise to keep my posts on going forward with Liam as an only child and not about the possibility of more.

[widdly]

Oh wow, I dont really know where to start....

Mods, do you think it possible that a new thread could be started in this section titled something like "should we have another baby". That way people can enter the thread and discuss pros and cons of small and large families. The can discuss regretting having an only child somewhere other than a place with parents who dont have the option of another child for whatever reason and would rather not discuss regrets about it, know hwat i mean?

I totally understand the need for a place to discuss and mull over whether to add to the family or not. I have had that inner turmoil for 4 years now, not fun and a thread such as the one suggested above would serve a greap purpose I believe.

starfish - totally agree that there needs to be a place where such descussions can take place As for your only issue, DS was exactly like that til he got to about 3.5 years old, now he happily entertains himself, though I think gettinga puppy has helped that greatly, he refers to her as his sister LOL.

danniellabella - I really hope you are not feeling badly about posting in here, I completely understand the need to discuss whther or not to have another child, which is why I have suggested the new thread

Janine - no apology needed hun, I hope the new thread is started so you can have a place to further discuss these issues

Anney - DH is an only and when I have asked him if he felt bad as an only he always says, he loved his only childhood as he didnt know any different.

Lorelle - you know I think you are the best xxx It is great that we can have a place other than pms to console each other about our only child families, and celebrate the great things about it too.

I have always dreaded the day that DS would be old enough to ask for a sibling. Well that day came a couple of months ago. For some reason he is head over heels in love with my 16 motnh old cousin, Mia. He has doted on her since she was just a couple of months old, snuggling her, feeding her, dressing her etc. Funnily he has little interest in his 2 12 month old cousins....ANyway last time we were staying with my aunt and uncle and my little cousins, DS was playing with Mia, all besottd with her and he turned to me and said "I wish I could get a baby sister Mum". My heart broke in two All I've ever wanted is a daughter. "Can we buy a sister Mum?" "No, you cant just buy sisters honey" "well, can we just take Mia home with us Mum? I love her" Bless him. So I did the whole, "eeew babies stink, they cry ALL the time, Mum has to cuddle them ALL day which means I would have no time to play with you and cuddle you, it would be awful. Its much more fun having one favourite boy" well he ran off and played and didnt mention it for a while, but every now and again out of nowhere he will ask for a little sister and I just remind him of the downsides to babies. But it is hard to hear.

Nettie - welcome aboard Look forward to getting to know you