Cool, good move :) As I said earlier, I am happy to offer my services as an only child expert :) (bows graciously and exits stage left :) )
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Cool, good move :) As I said earlier, I am happy to offer my services as an only child expert :) (bows graciously and exits stage left :) )
I can totally understand your frustraitions with people (like me) posting about not being sure if we're only having 1 or not, especially when you've come to the decision to have an only. I applaud those of you who have made that decision.
I guess I came here initially to find out how you came to the decision to only have 1 child and see the good and bad points of having an only child so I could try to make a decision for myself.
I'm still not sure if my thoughts about wanting another one are truely from me or just because it's "expected" but will refrain from posting here unless DH & I come to a final decision to not have anymore kids. I respect what this thread is meant to be and apologise for my own threads that have not really been on the issue.
Rory sounds like you and me shared a similar childhood ;)
Rouge did you have hungry hippos too? My left hand was always slower than my right ;)
This thread helped me answer a question that I've been really, really agonising over for the last year or so, so I'm not going to apologise for that. What I will say is that I misunderstood the intention of this thread, and will, from now on refrain from posting in it.
... Danniellabella wow can i say how incredibly kind & thoughtfully said your post is. And please do know i understand that took a really lovely person to write what you did :hug::
For DP & i our DD was never an only or one child she was our 1st child in thinking we will hopefully have another at some point. It wasn't until we knew the chance of it happening was diminishing that we then referred to our DD as an only child ... although it's not like we call her that as we call her as she is our DAUGHTER !!!
For my & DP's personal situation, it's a little hard to explain but for our decision it came sort of in two parts, firstly one being my body taking over the good part of the decision in not having another child (our DD took us 2.5years to conceive and our TTC#2 journey was about 3years) as i will be 44.5yrs old this mid July to be exact and DP & i both started to become more & more concerned as i got older (he is younger than i at 34) then ever of the problems that would arise if i was ever to fall pregnant, not just for the baby but also for my own health.
To be honest i don't know if you ever stop wishing to hear you are pregnant again, for me i so loved being pregnant.
For us we could see & feel the weight of concern was weighing us down on top of the whole TTC emotional journey spanning 3years. I really don't think we were ever ready with a decision it was more like lets see how we feel if we start to ease up a little and just add more as we go along in ' not ' putting so much of ourselves in TTC ... and then from there the weight became lighter but to be honest our hearts still feel incredibly heavy. It's still a journey and emotions do go through different transitions ... for example one week i'm better than the next but having said that i can feel it getting lighter, i truly don't know if maybe it's an accepting feeling that is helping more or what as for me it's still all very new in not TTC anymore.
So i hope DannilellaBella ... my story and that's what it is just mine can maybe/possibly shed a little light on how we came to a decision. I don't know whether everyone's decision is ever set in concrete i think as i woman wanting another child your heart still does have that yearning feeling, but that's just me ;)
Rory ... i often wonder if the feeling of being an only child feels probably not the right word but i will say 'worse' than what a parent can feel of not experiencing having another child, or give their only child the gift of a sibling ... not to mention at times i have felt less of a woman because i couldn't have another child (so that's a whole other struggle for me personally) ... i just hope it is ' worse ' for me in having to deal with it all then to think it could be 'worse' for my DD as an only child, i truly hope not as i'd find that incredibly hard to think about. But thanks for your humorous spin on being an only child as i know you meant it in good humour :hug: ... i just wish i could find the same humour in my having to be in this chat thread when i would have given anything to be in a thread talking about being pregnant.
Rouge :hug: ... what can i say but THANK YOU from the bottom of heart as i feel i finally now have a corner of the world on BB to feel i can go to and i guess feel normal :D
:heartbeat: May i add (yes i will be the first to admit i talk alot, blame my Mum for that, LOL :lol:) ... for my view on anyone on this chat thread for those that either can't have another child or plan to not have another child it would be no crime if anyone here was to deliver the wonderful news that they were " unexpectedly " pregnant because it's possible it could very well happen and i don't think there would be many women here that wouldn't think it was just that WONDERFUL, how can life into this world not be !!!!
So on that note thank you BellyBelly for starting this thread and i'm sure it will be here for many women in the future who will now have somewhere freely to go and not feel lost :grouphug: xox
My apologies for not posting before this, when I was one of the people who asked for this thread.
Our DD is 7 almost 8 and we tried for 5 years to have another child but I am 48 now so that ain't going to happen. Choosing to only have one child is different to having that decision made for you through external circumstances. I would never have chosen to have one child but that is what I have and we make the best of it.
smiles re this
I believe that only children know what they know, they don't know what it is like to have siblings. I desperately wanted another child so that DD would have more of a childhood like the one I had. But that was my issue. I think that there will be lots more only child families in this generation due to older mums and relationship breakup and through financial necessity so I don't think only children will be as unusual as they were in our day. I guess that doesn't necessarily make it easier for them but I am hoping that there will be more only children as both children and adults for her to have relationships with. IYKWIM.:
i just hope it is ' worse ' for me in having to deal with it all then to think it could be 'worse' for my DD as an only child, i truly hope not as i'd find that incredibly hard to think about.
When DD was around 4 and we would come home from people's houses that had more than one child and she had been having a great time playing, she would say on the way home in the car "I wish I lived at their house". It would make me really sad.
But DD is really great as she plays very well on her own. She rarely needs me to entertain her. she is happy to play with her dolls or lines up her teddies to play snakes and ladders with her. (makes me sad sometime when I see that)
aww she sounds just like my DD, and i think to my lucky stars my DD is incredibly out going and loves to be around people of all ages, one of her favourite people in the whole world was her 91year old Great-Great Uncle Leo whom lived around the corner from us until this Feb when he sadly passed away. It taught me she can find friendship in any age even at her age, just simply beautiful.:
... and at the same token she happily plays alone but never without noise or sound around her she loves to chatter away. And i understand ' that' feeling Anney will you without really working on the thought think " ohhhh she's on her own playing ".
She has always said to me " Mummy you are my best friend ", although something i haven't encouraged as i friend i'm her Mummy more than anyone, and that's a whole lot rolled in one ;) But yesterday she came up to me and said " Mummy i be thinking you can be my best friend so we can play together ALLLLL the time ". For the first time i think she's realising she is on her own as a child in the house, cause i'm a big kid at heart and jokes lots with her & play as any Mum would i think she never saw that she was an only child in the house until yesterday (she just turned 4 last Thurs).
I get her out lots to visit her little friends so she has that play too and of course she has kids activity programs, and Kinder she goes to and loves. I've done beyond all i could to make sure she has established relationships with her relatives too. She is no longer the 1st grandchild on her Daddy's side she now has two boy cousins (they are brothers) 2years old and a newborn ... so i feel odd but nice to say it's wonderful she has them to play with as they are part of her being relo's but never the same as siblings but that's fine, i'm just so happy she has them in her life too :D
Thanks so much for sharing how you came to the decision to have 1 child. I think I might stay subscribed to this thread but maybe not post. I'll be a reader.
Smiles: as for the age thing and the difficulty conceiving, I can totally understand your decision and I guess that was good for me to see. I'm only 27 so still have time.
Rory & Rouge - I have started a thread for us only-child adults https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ss-adults.html
Smiles - as an only child growing up in Ballarat I can honestly say it was a blast :D Like you, my mum never planned on me being an only child but my father left when I was 2 and she never found someone else to continue our family with.
... thanks Nai for starting that great thread for yourselves i will most likely pop in and maybe get some ideas at some point ;):
(and thanks Nai i know your intentions are kind one's from your generous heart, your just so lovely :D)
To anyone that might be curious my being on this thread is not all about how my DD is going to be as an only child and that would be hard for someone to understand that who doesn't have an only child ... this thread for me personally is somewhere i can talk to others who may feel some of the pain i do in not being able to have another child FOR MYSELF too and my DP, i still struggle with it every day to the point i can border in feeling depressed at times, the only way i can describe it to people with more than one child is like going through grieving, well that's how it feels for me. It would be so lovely to have one or more children myself and find the humour in that but that's no me.
I guess it would be a selfish relief to know i am not the only one that struggles with those emotions :( ... how awful of me to say i would feel better to know i am not the only feeling this way, but i will be honest in saying it would make me feel better not knowing someone is suffering BUT to know i am normal after all IYKWIM !!
*** Thanks to anyone that is listening ...
... i so deeply appreciate it but i do struggle taking advice from women who have not experienced this journey and have what i strive so hard and long for " another child + " :heartbeat::heartbeat:
Big hugs from me to anyone here that might need one :hug:
:hug: smiles - you are just the best!
aww your the bestest lovely lady ;)
I'm 80% sure that my DS will be an only child. My DH will have the final say in whether or not we have any more children (as he is the stay-at-home-Dad) and he's not keen on any more.
So I hope you don't mind if I stay :redface: as I'm still processing this likelihood and could use the support in here that the decision is ok. I'm 36 and took a while to conceive Liam, so even if we wanted to, I probably couldn't :cry:
I promise to keep my posts on going forward with Liam as an only child and not about the possibility of more. :)
Nettie, I think it is very appropriate for you to hang around to learn from our experience, some of the pros and cons of having an only the child. But don't write off age as a reason not to have a child as I was 40 when I had DD. You don't know until you try. ;-).
You are in a position that someone else is sort of making the decision for you so different to some of us but difficult nonetheless (is that one word or three??? LOL)
smiles, you are correct it is difficult coming to terms with only having one child when you and DP both want more and you both feel it is what DD needs. I felt like I was letting them both down more than I was letting myself down. And also, and I don't like to post this around forums where people are having problems TTC number 1, but a psychologist told me that it is actually more difficult emotionally not being able to TTC number 2 as you really have experienced in real life all the joys of having a child whereas for people TTC number 1, it is more theoretically. Yes they feel awful but they don't really know what they are missing out on. I don't like comparing people's pain as it is impossible but I just wanted to tell you that so that you don't think you are too abnormal. (sorry perhpas not the right word but it is getting late and I am trying to be quick to put dd to bed.)
Oh wow, I dont really know where to start....
Mods, do you think it possible that a new thread could be started in this section titled something like "should we have another baby". That way people can enter the thread and discuss pros and cons of small and large families. The can discuss regretting having an only child somewhere other than a place with parents who dont have the option of another child for whatever reason and would rather not discuss regrets about it, know hwat i mean?
I totally understand the need for a place to discuss and mull over whether to add to the family or not. I have had that inner turmoil for 4 years now, not fun and a thread such as the one suggested above would serve a greap purpose I believe.
starfish - totally agree that there needs to be a place where such descussions can take place :) As for your only issue, DS was exactly like that til he got to about 3.5 years old, now he happily entertains himself, though I think gettinga puppy has helped that greatly, he refers to her as his sister LOL.
danniellabella - I really hope you are not feeling badly about posting in here, I completely understand the need to discuss whther or not to have another child, which is why I have suggested the new thread :)
Janine - :) no apology needed hun, I hope the new thread is started so you can have a place to further discuss these issues
Anney - DH is an only and when I have asked him if he felt bad as an only he always says, he loved his only childhood as he didnt know any different.
Lorelle - you know I think you are the best xxx It is great that we can have a place other than pms to console each other about our only child families, and celebrate the great things about it too.
I have always dreaded the day that DS would be old enough to ask for a sibling. Well that day came a couple of months ago. For some reason he is head over heels in love with my 16 motnh old cousin, Mia. He has doted on her since she was just a couple of months old, snuggling her, feeding her, dressing her etc. Funnily he has little interest in his 2 12 month old cousins....ANyway last time we were staying with my aunt and uncle and my little cousins, DS was playing with Mia, all besottd with her and he turned to me and said "I wish I could get a baby sister Mum". My heart broke in two :( All I've ever wanted is a daughter. "Can we buy a sister Mum?" "No, you cant just buy sisters honey" "well, can we just take Mia home with us Mum? I love her" Bless him. So I did the whole, "eeew babies stink, they cry ALL the time, Mum has to cuddle them ALL day which means I would have no time to play with you and cuddle you, it would be awful. Its much more fun having one favourite boy" well he ran off and played and didnt mention it for a while, but every now and again out of nowhere he will ask for a little sister and I just remind him of the downsides to babies. But it is hard to hear.
Nettie - welcome aboard :) Look forward to getting to know you
Oh Widdly, He is starting to ask young. I don't think DD asked for a brother or sister until she was nearly 6. It is very sad when they ask as you just want to give them everything. But it was lucky she was that age as I could explain to her why we couldnot have another child. She remembers our Fertility Specialist as I used to drag her to all our appointments and DD would get under the desk and inspect our (female) FS's gorgeous shoes!
I am glad your DH didn't know any different and was happy. I am fairly sure DD will feel the same.
I don't have much time to post at the moment but wanted to briefly pop in and say hi. I also remember saying I would like a thread like this.
I have felt for a while that there are no threads that allow you discuss 'only' child issues (and I have a tonne). Which is more an issue of mine than for my child at the moment.
Although I haven't given up hope of a #2, I still feel like this is the place for me. Without intervention I cannot have anymore children and so after 3 years of trying I need to begin to deal with 'only' child issues. I keep waiting for the day to come when DS asks 'Why don't I have any brothers and sisters?'
Well that's me for now but I would love to come back and chat more soon.
SB
LOL at your DD admiring the FS shoes :)
Yeah, I was hoping he wouldnt start asking til he started school, never mind.
I thought I would post about why I have an only child, how I came to this 'decision'.
When DH and I got married and started TTC we wanted 5 kids. TTC took a while due to my fertility issues, due to the stress of TTC we then thought 3 kids would be enough. At the end of pregnancy (overdue) i thought doing it just one more time would be enough for me. A few hours after I pushed DS out into the world I was gushing to my sisters at how beautiful birth was and I couldnt wait to do it again. THen DS at 3 weeks had to have surgery. THis of course was so stressful, DH went ot water so I had to be the strong one. Whilst DS was in surgery DH nad I looked at each other, more stressed than i ever thought possible, and said at the same time to each other "we are not doing this to ourselves again, no more babies".
After his surgery D suffered severe reflus til her was 2 years old. It was a long wakeful 2 years, full of vomits every 5 mins and mountains of washing each day. Due to DS difficulties, DH started spending increasing amounts of time with his mates, leaving me home with DS on my own. Due to this I became depressed and anxious. I blame DH for cheating me out of my wondeful motherhood experience whilst my DS was a toddler. I left DH when DS was 2.5 years old. DH and I have been on again off again ever since, for the time being we are off and both getting counselling which is really helping.
Children have always been at the centre of my life and always will be. I am starting my Diploma of Childrens Services next year and will work with children for the rest of my life in some way or another. I pains me that I only have one child. I am the cluckiest person on the planet and I regularly struggle with the idea of never getting to experience the miraculousness that is birth, or the perfect moment when my toddler says "I love you".
For me, it seems the responsible thing to have an only, as I can only see another baby bringing DH and I a lot of stress. Plus there is long term ttc which just makes me want to lock myself in a padded cell when I think about it. So many people tell me "oh the next baby wont be as hard", no one could ever guarrantee that. Or they say "well they are only hard for 2 years, and 2 years goes really quickly" it isnt quick when you are right there in the thick of it, and my idea of having a baby is not to just pump one out and put up with it for a couple of years before it gets easier, my idea of having a baby is to enjoy every second of every year of that baby's life. Or they say "it may take years of TTC but it will be worth it in the end" it wont be worth it if i end up depressed and so anxiety ridden that i cant leave the house.
People look at me and say you chose to have an only child, so deal with it". Well yeah, I did choose to have an only child but only cause I want whats best for DS, and that is a mentally healthy mother. Or they say "you havent even tried TTC, you might get preggers quicker this time" I have tried TTC several times over the last few years and i always panic so much about it in the first 2 months that I cant go through with it.
So you see, there are many things involved in 'deciding' to have an only child, and just cause a family 'decides' to have an only child does not mean that they dont enjoy parenting or didnt like pregnancy/babies/toddlers.
Love love love to all of you only families xxx
i don't know how often i'll post but just wanted to pop my head in here because, unless a miracle happens, we have decided that DD is going to be an only child. yes, we would love for her to have a sibling - but the reality is that we simply can't go through a similar journey to what we went through to get her - physically, emotionally and (sad to admit it) financially, we just can't do it. my head is trying to reconcile what i know, while my heart is in serious denial. any other addition to our family would most definitely be unplanned and unexpected. i think the toughest thing for me at the moment is trying to get DH on the same page - he is fixating on the idea of a natural miracle happening (and soon). i want him to stop thinking of any family dynamic other than what we have now. i feel guilty enough about the journey we've had to go through to get our beautiful girl - i can't deal with feeling guilty everytime he gets his hopes up cos i haven't had a visit from AF in ages (one day he WILL learn a bit more about AF)
BG, welcome hun, and much love to you xxx
hey gorgeous BG ... i remember something of your story before :hug: Such a weight will be lifted when your DH comes around to your way of thinking.
Anney you have described what i have felt but not as strong as before which is good to know it's changing ... about feeling guilty when i look at my DP & DD and not so much myself as i'm am the one to fall pregnant out of all 3 of us to have another child, such a heavy weight to carry but thankfully for me it's getting lighter with the help of DP wonderful, loving comments.
Widdly it's certainly been a journey for you & i on BB since i first came on back in Jan 2008 and you were one of the very first i spoke with. It's amazing our bubs are were only born hours apart. Aww YOU know how i feel about you :hug:
i find many i know IRL have the answer for me (well mostly those that haven't had infertility probs and always seem younger) that IVF is the answer ... like DP & i must be made of money to go through how many rounds of IVF at my age. And that IVF must work for all and especially older women like me, but i find it ticks me off somewhat as it makes me feel like i haven't tried had enough then i find the only way to explain myself is to open wounds i'm trying to heal and then i'm left to feel worse after i conversation i never started. I did go to a consultation with an IVF clinic, and instead of coming out with the little hope DP & i left he actually crushed anything we had left.
We had a terrible experience as i didn't go to him for IVF info but about cysts i had show on an u/s ... the IVF specialist felt the need to tell me in the consultation that he was the same as me at the time at that he had not one but TWO children ... My DP & i were gobsmacked and the next 12mths were an emotional hell after that one appt. My lovely GP had tears in her eyes when i told her as she knew this was an emotional set back and that i had to work harder to get myself back to mind set that i had before the appt. I have unexplained infertility have since i started TTC with my 1st baby. But now it's just that my age is mature and nothing else.
We tried the whole herbal formula again as we did to fall preg with our DD but i had far too many personal heartbreaks happening whilst doing it that interfered with my way of thinking to a very deep level even though i tried to stay above it. Then i had health issues since mid last year that started to set me back too and that's about the time that DP & i had to rethink of whether our decision now needed to change ... which it slowly did, and in a strange way we felt better for it as we did it up to date feel we were taking many risks considering my age and health issues.
So that's a little part of my story ... not something easy to open up about as i am actually a private person but i feel i have no where else to turn to to talk to anyone that remotely gets what i mean or where i'm coming from.
*** I want to also be here as a support to all those here that i can, if i can offer any usable advice, geez i've gotta laugh about that, unusual comment coming from me, lol ;)
This is just me but i think for anyone that feels this is the thread for them and they feel it will help them i can't see why not.
For me it was more a concern it was going to start to talk about TTC which i just couldn't personally wrap my head around with what i'm trying to talk about with others here. TTC is a subject i am no longer associated with, and simply a hard topic to even talk about with my own IRL friends but i do my best to support them IRL ... YKWIM !!
For my DD she has started to ask why i don't have a baby in my tummy, and even looking & expecting my belly ... and she has asked who are her sisters (funny brothers don't exist in her converstation, ha !!) and she answers herself at times that her best friend she has known since 4mths old is her sister until i explain she is not ... but it's lovely that she understands the close feeling of that :heartbeat:
Wow this is an awesome thread! Thanks for suggesting it Anney & starting it mods.
Over the last 7 months of this pg I have decided to raise our Phoenix as an only child. We were going to have a stack of kids (well maybe 3!) but after 5.5 yrs to get to this point I just can't live my life wishing for more than what I will soon have.
I've seen too many people continue to be heartbroken even after having a child after LTTTC (I agree Anney that 2ndary IF may be even harder than primary) & I want to live every day happy & secure in the knowledge that we love our child & know how lucky we are to have the one & that 3 people is a family for us. I will probably even use birth control, an alien concept to me but one that will help I think. We will probably transfer our frozen embryos at some stage in the future to give them a chance of life but we will do it knowing that if they don't work it will be a shame but fine IYKWIM as we already have a family.
I know that I want Phoenix to grow up secure that doing it as a solo kid is fine & mummy & daddy couldn't be happier.
There's been some chat in here about how we can project our wishes & concerns onto the only child. I think knowing I can avoid this by accepting and rejoicing in being a 3 person family will help us all be a happy unit.
I'm lucky that most people we know have knowledge of our journey & accept that Phoenix is an amazing gift & don't question my "s/he will most likely be an only child". I'm grateful TBH as I want the conversation to move on from trying to have kids (or more kids) to the realities of actually having a kid in our life.
I feel liberated & happy & excited to move ahead with our soon to be journey as a family of 3.
I look forward to learning more from you all about the joys and challenges of being a one kid family :)
Xx
Is everyone familiar with the movie 'Regarding Henry' with Harrison Ford and Annette Benning?
If so, you'll understand when I say that we want our family to be as together as theirs (at the end!). We'll just get a puppy instead of a 2nd baby! ;)
If you haven't seen it - I highly recommend it. Especially if you look at it from the 'only child' angle. I look forward to hearing your reports by Friday... :rofl: ha ha ha ha..
... i will promise to get my homework done by Friday teach, ROFL :lol: ...yeh i don't think i've seen it if i had it would have been before DD's days for me not to remember it IYKWIM ;) ... i will check it out :thumbsup::
Once again my sincere thanks to the Mods in starting this thread which is quite sometime after i requested it but it sure as heck was worth the wait, i'm so thrilled :D
Wrong place to post
Smiles - don't forget the tissues... ;) And I wanna hear what you thought - particularly about the 'only child' aspect.
Regarding Henry now that's going back in time LOL. I do remember it, a 20 year younger Harrison. Didn't he also do a spy trilogy where he had a wife & only daughter?
Good on you too Smiles for suggesting this space :) I've followed your journey the last few years & have a sense of the place you find yourself now in :hug:
Xx
Dusty, I think I'm in a similar situation to you. I have Sam, and I feel amazingly blessed by having him... I think I could be happy with just Sam as well. But... there's two frozen embryos waiting that will get a chance at life. But I really suspect that Sam will be an only child. Over our time with IVF - only 4 from 11 embryos have ever thawed. From 4 pregnancies, 3 miscarried. I don't think our chances of having another are all that great, but I'm still not prepared to let go of those chances, no matter how slim. We are currently raising Sam as though he will be an only child... I probably won't frequent this area very much until those last couple of chances have evaporated completely, though.
BW
... i have to say Dusty this might seem surprising to you to hear but out of every pregnancy announcement on BB that i have read or heard about in my time being here on BB Dusty YOUR pregnancy announcement with ' rising phoenix ' was honestly the only pregnancy announcement that absolutely blew me away and i was just thrilled beyond any feeling i could express to you right now :D ... as i too have read parts of your journey along the way on BB for quite sometime, it was certainly one heck of a journey and by far not a boring one at all, just AMAZING Dusty and so precious too :heartbeat::
hey those movies ring a bell, i've gotta check 'em out ... good thing DP is big into burning DVD's these days, LOL :lol:
Lorelle - THanks for sharing your journey to becoming an only child family xx Isn't it funny that Cendrine and Archie both ask for sisters never brothers
dusty - it is so awesome to hear you so happy with the thought of being a family of 3, you are right, it is liberating when you start thinking of all the wonderful things about being a small family and concentrate on your future with one child.
Nettie - I shall head down to the movie store and look for Regarding Henry, though I dont usually watch movies that tug on the heart strings...wonder if I'll be brave enough to watch
BW - we shall be here to wrap our arms around you should the time come. I wish you all the best xx
My Dad is coming to pick DS up this arvo and take him to his house for the night, I feel a little sad cause I know i will miss him, but DS and my Dad just adore spending time together so it will be great for them :)
Lorelle thank you sweets, you are such a generous person and your words mean a lot to me :hug:
BW, its a strange position to be in but one that was decided for us LTers in a way. Good luck navigating the next steps.
Widdly, it just feels right to look at it this way. I'm actually excited at the prospect of a one child family. There are lots of pros my friends and family don't have that I can see.
I was at a birth course on the weekend and I told one pg woman that Phoenix will likely be our only child. She questioned whether I was worried about all the attention being given to him/her but I said no, I didn't think it would matter at all and that we planned to have a furry playmate within a year and that was as far as our planning on having another sibling was ;)
i agree with you Dusty - had we not been down the long term TTC path (or the losses we've suffered) i probably wouldn't be comfortable contemplating an only child. but as it is, i am content with one. she is a miracle girl - she came about when we thought it would never happen - i am ok with her being an only child. and really, who else needs to comment on it?? why would you be worried about your only child getting all the attention - doesn't that happen to ALL first children? i think as long as you make sure your child is socialised with children and adults from all age groups and walks of life, you'll be able to raise a well adjusted child!
DD is growing into a happy, well adjusted little girl - she is such a pleasure to be around - she talks to people, she socialises, loves her cousins. she is a little wary of "strangers" - but really, i WANT her to be cautious without being scared. i don't think NOT having a sibling will be detrimental to her.
it's funny - i honestly thought i'd be clucky again by now - she's almost one, she's walking, talking, getting into everything. i miss her "baby" days, but i'm not craving another child. i believe i am content. looking forward to her party this weekend though - could of little bubbas coming - i get snuggles without the responsibility!
.... it's so interesting BG that you made that comment as that's exactly how i truly thought i would feel also having TTC for years and losses before DD arriving in our world & lives but since she is getting closer to starting 4year old Kinder (next year) as will be 3days per week then school the year after i have since about a year ago really struggled with accepting ... it's not the having another child anymore that bothers me so much but more the fact that i am getting further away from her being a baby, then toddler, little girl and now what i call her little big girl (IYKWIM) ... i would say the past year it has felt like i am acutally going through grieving, it sounds odd to describe it that way but it's the best way i can describe it as it does actualy feel just like that grieving. Like a ball of heavy sadness sitting right in the middle of my chest ... if that feeling would go away i can tell you i would be so glad for it to be gone as i have only about a month ago admitted to DP have bad the ' feeling ' has gotten and he seems to think it's depression (as he doesn't really have any idea of depression) ... i said to him it can feel border line of depression but i feel most of the time it's managable but ' just ' ... Infact i mentioned to my GP last visit i haven't felt right for sometime and that i thought it was going through a bulk of grieving as i've lost a few close people to me during the past two years and then unexpected health issues one after the other since Xmas ... GP said anyone else probably just with that to deal with would feel down but i didn't have time to mention to her about the struggles with i guess i don't know what to call it, maybe TTC days over and the acceptance of it all. Anyway GP looked concerned and asked i come back to see her which i have an appt next week with her for a routine checkup and she said we will talk about ' things ' then. Good thing is she is i don't think much older than i and as far as i know she has one child (a girl) so be interesting to see/hear what she says.:
If your interested i will let you know what her comments are !!
Weirdly enough i have found when the cold bitter weather hits here in Ballarat my mood does feel a bit down anyway ... no one seems to pick up on it but DP as with him i can't hide it.
I don't know whether i have mentioned to all you gals that my older sister had my nephew at 38 (she had 3 losses before him and 2 after him, she TTC until about 43) .. sadly i can't talk to her as she has the approach of you just gotta toughen up with emotions and if you appear to look emotionally soft in any way she look at you in disgust, yes well i learned that years ago from her and nothing has changed she just older now (53) ... well that explains why she's so moody and speaks like crap to people that aint a school teacher like her (me rolling eyes here) cause she won't allow herself to open up and talk, cause to her it's a weakness (so sad, as i worry about my nephew with my sisters mind set). He is nearly 15 and he is just the most gorgeous teenager ever so my sis has done some good with him, LOL !! ... But i will have to tell you all another time some stories she has actually told me in regards to being a Mother of an only child.
Luckily for me my sis does have a great humour ... so i will share with you all later some funny stories she has told me over the years, you will seriously crack up laughing cause i was in tears when she told me :rofl: (reckon we mighty need some laughs here on this thread once in awhile ;))
Oh BG can't believe Miss E is already turn the big 1 WOW that's gone quick for me too ... still remember this time last year when she was born ...
... BG you must tell us all about her birthday party later on :birthday2:
Yes please! :leap::
Dusty, people dont know where to look when they ask when DS is getting a sibling and I reply with "we got him a sister for xmas" referring to the puppy :)
BG, snuggles without the responsibility are the best! Its wonderful that you feel so content with your one beautiful perfect DD
Lorelle, It is great that you have an app with your GP to talk things ove rnad even better that you can relate to her, it is beyond wonderful to be able to relate to another 'only' parent. I definately want to hear what your GP has to say. AND I also want you to share some sister stories about her journey with one child. So get your butt back in here girl and give us the low down!!
I am sitting here going through box after box of tissues, I have just come down with a cold/flu thingy, not nice, Arch was quite sooky tonight so it wont surprise me f he wakes up with it in the morning. Gonna be a long week in this house I reckon. One time when I am absolutely happy I only have 1 child is when we are sick!!!
Neighbours came over for a visit last week with their tiny 3 week old son, DS was besotted. I was telling him about all the bad bits about having a baby in the house were, and he just looked up at me and said "but look at his tiny little cute fingers and toes, and his little ears", couldn't argue with that! LOL
Great thread!!
I am an only child and DS may be the same..sometimes it worries me when we are gone or if something did happen to him (shudder the thought) but I guess we all have these feelings.
Having done IVF DH does not want to go on this path again, and if it was up to me I would give it another shot only for DS and not really for my own mothering needs.
No women should be left childless and I feel so blessed that we have us one little treasure and some couples are still fighting to have what we have.
I would gladly give up my place in the line (if there was one) so that another childless couple can be a family.
Nothing wrong with a family of 3 or as I say to DH ‘we are the 3 Musketeers’!!
Smiles - i didn't see your response re depression/sadness earlier - so sorry hun! i can see where you're coming from - you've had a lot of sadness lately, and i'm sure having to accept the end of your TTC journey would be extremely hard at any time, but moreso under those circumstances
doh, cant keep typing - E awake and unhappy
... well sorry gals no update from the GP today as i promised you all cause DD recently got sick so i needed for her to see the GP with my appt today instead of me ... sadly there is a massive Doctor shortage in Ballarat and it can take anything from 2-4weeks to get into my GP ... and after my forking out $64 up front for me to see a GP only last Friday cause i was ill with virus (managed to get into another Doc at the clinic i go to but didn't really like her) so i wont be able to afford to see my own GP again for awhile BUT will let you know when i do (feel like i've lost the nerve to go now too IYKWIM) ... anyhow see how i go ;)
Hi Nicole :hello: ... i know just what you mean, i myself have said if i was in a room with another woman who hasn't had the baby she so wants i too would gladly give her my chance if i ever could have had another. I have also been known to say to friends pregnant with their second child to not feel bad around me cause if anything same thing if they were in a room with me and i can't have another child well they better as hell have a second child if i can't, i often get a good laugh from then with that cause i get fired up, LOL ;)
BG ... ah no worries all's good, i just have my up & down days then i have my days where there are up & down minutes, after saying all that i think i just confused myself, ROFL (ah it's a good thing i'm still lucky enough to laugh :D) !!
nicole,. welcome! Sometimes we forget to remind ourselves of how blessed we are to have our one helathy gorgeous child when so many other couples cant even have that. Go the 3 musketeers!
Lorelle we have a huge shortage of GPs in our toen too, makes me so mad! It takes 6 weeks to wait for an appointment here, ridiculous!
I have been loving my only. Today my bestie and I went shopping for the arvo without our boys (she has an only DS 6 months younger than mine). When we were walking through the carpark there were 2 women each with a pram loaded up with kids and shopping, they were trying to converse over screaming kids, my friend and I looked at each other and laughed at how grateful we are to not have to go back to prams and babies again, we were lucky to be shopping while our big boys were in kindy.