The role of Godparents?

[BellyBelly]

My belief/understanding of them is that they are role models, someone for the children to look up to, and people who would look after them as if they were their own if something were to happen. Thats just me though.

Marisa's godfather wasn't at her Christening and has disappeared off the face of the earth! My sister is her godmother as I didn't have many trusted friends when she was born, we'd just moved into a new area after having our first baby and it was very isolating. My sister was always very loving and caring towards Marisa so it was the logical choice. It's hard!

[Shanti]

Does everybody have godparents for their babies when they are born? We wouldn't have a clue who we would trust enough to ask!! it's hard finding people these days who won't let you down.... I think you're being very fair Sarah, and I would probably feel the same way as you.

[~breeze~]

I feel the same with it should be someone who will be a part of their lives.

DH was raised to believe it has to be a practising Catholic (we were both raised RC but Godparent was obviously different in his family as to mine). He said the role is for if/when we die the child needs someone to raise them as we would as being a practising Catholic, not just mention God now & then IYKWIM. I do understand what he's saying but how many Catholics attend church every week? We do (unless I stay home with DD if she's too unsettled etc) but I think most people don't anymore... I could be wrong though. Because of this we are finding it hard to choose for our next baby. I've suggested his brother (My BIL) & his wife but he said they aren't practising Catholics & SIL isn't even Catholic at all.

I think it's more important to have someone who will be a part of the childs life, that way if something did happen to the parents the Godparents would be "family" for them, not strangers who turn up once the parents are gone IYKWIM. That was prob described badly but I'm sure you know what I mean...

We were lucky with choosing DD's Godparents as they attend church every week with us, they even sit in front of us each week haha. We got to know them & became very close. They see Brianna all the time, every birthday etc aswell & ontop of that we also have the Practising Catholic part aswell. Too bad this time round is so much harder!!

[Naomi]

Sarah, we have the same problem with all of the godparents for our boys.
We took forever choosing the right ones for each of them and we never see them, they never call to see how they are, when we get together it's because we ring them, we've just given up unfortunately.

[feeb]

My parents have to have the worst tracke record for picking dudd god parents!!!

I am one of 3 and none of us have anything to do with our god parents!!

Mine is dads brother and his wife and we havent heard for them in like 21 years!

[Rouge]

I see godparents in a similar light to you.

We actually have "godparents day" on Sundays (when we are all free) and Paris & Seth's godparents come over spend some time with the kids, share a meal (they are vegetarian so we all enjoy a vegetarian meal) then they go to bed and we spend some adult time together before they go home.

I really couldn't ask for better godparents they are awesome. They have been a big part of their lives always, they spoil them rotten (not that that is a pre-requisit) and they have special rituals they take part in with the kids (like a special "unbirthday" present for the other child who is not celebrating a birthday). They have attended birthdays, holidays (we always have a special christmas gathering regardless of other commitments), concerts and all sorts of things. They are actually spending the night at Easter so they can take part in the easter morning celebrations (I think they are big kids at heart and get a big kick out of that stuff). Yes they are also there as spiritual guides but mostly I see them as "life guides". Paris' godfather takes a great interest in Paris' guitar playing and when Seth has his own interests I'm sure they will share in that too. I am lucky in that they don't have kids so they have their entire attention to give to mine, but they have said even if they did have kids they would still act the same way. The biggest thing for me is they are consistant, there isn't hot & cold with attention, they follow through with our parenting boundaries and they shower them with love and affection. Recently they asked when Paris could have her first sleep over as they have a room set up for such an occasion.

But I did have problems with godparents (others we had chosen as well as the aforementioned) in the past, and we had a mutual resignation with one, and pretty much abandonment of another because this person was jealous of the attention given by the aforementioned godparents. So when we made it official they didn't attend.

As my kids were baptised in a Catholic church we needed Catholic godparents (as well as our chosen non Catholic godparents) and we chose family mothers (Marc's siblings as the Catholic godparents). But the aforementioned godparents (non relatives) are the ones they have most to do with (not that the others don't care its more to do with distance and I think they see themselves as primarily aunts/uncles).

So I guess I would be upset too (as I was with 2 others we had chosen) but you know what there is always going to be people in his life that love him, and he already has surrogate godparents by proxy But it still doesn't take away the hurt and expectations.

[Astrid]

Just wondering does anyone ever discuss their views on what a godparent means to them before asking them to be one? I just remember my SIL using is as a power play eg "you were going to be a godparent, but now you not because you did something to annoy me", so for her it was just a bargaining chip, an honorary title to be bestowed on whoever was in her favour at that moment. For me though I was thankful to not be a godparent, as I always thought that being a godparent was something important and not something as the age of 20 I was willing to commit to. I was coping it enough from my brother for not being a good enough aunt, he had expectations of what an aunt should be which were different to mine. May those who agree to be godparents are just seeing it as an honorary title?

[Naomi]

We discussed it all with them when we asked them, in my view it is an important role and should not be taken lightly.
We discussed it a couple of more times before each christening too, just to make sure.

[{sarah}]

Good point Astrid, we didn't really discuss it, so maybe I am expecting too much. It's just we have lots of friends that go out of their way to visit Zander each week & it seems like something his Godparents should be doing. There are others interstate that he loves to death even though he only ever talks to them on the phone occassionally (and they will be bubby's godparents).

[smiles4u]

Hi SARAH,

... If it makes you feel any better, my 22mth old daughter has NOT had a single relative (grandparents, uncles, aunties, etc ... from both sides of the family) come visit her since her 1st birthday party back in May last year

*** Both my sisters have NOT visited her in our home since she was 4weeks old ... And my daughter's middle name is after my younger sister whom has chosen to have NOTHING to do with my gorgeous daughter ... Heartbreaking seeing she could possibly be my only child

So sad , ... She is such a beautiful & loving little girl

AND to think they all live in the same state as us, as you probably wouldn't think so

Only advise I can give you SARAH ironically my younger sister once told me years ago is that " PEOPLE CAN DISAPPOINT YOU "