Hi all- its been a really long time since I've been here, but I am in need of some female community. Hugs to anyone I used to know from here!

I am having lots of trouble with my libido. As in, it is hardly ever there. Oh, maybe for a few days in the month it will come roaring back (which is lots of fun!), but then when its gone, it is GONE. I mean, gone to the extent where I want to flinch away when my hubby touches me in anything even remotely resembling a sexual way or hinting at sex at all. I am ridiculously touchy about it. Many times I have to force myself not to slap his hand away, but be gentle.

I think it has wider emotional implications too. I resist and resent any kind of approach by my husband which feels like "one more person who wants to take from me". I suspect there are deeper emotional issues here, undealt with childhood stuff or something. This can't be normal! I feel so mean.

There is also this other difficult dynamic. A long time ago, DH and I decided that we would only seek our sexual needs to be met from one another- ie- no self pleasuring. This was a very nice decision at the time- well before LO. It was our way of keeping our sex pure- no going off in your own head somewhere else. But now, I am pretty much solely responsible for meeting DH's needs in this area and I just feel pressure all the time. Like another thing I have to monitor and take care of.

I just don't know what to do. Affecting all of this are probably some built up emotional issues in our marriage. Nothing major, but after 10 years of being together, I feel like we could do with a honest "clean out". But DH has this kind of rosy view of our marriage and seems to get threatened everytime I mention that things may not be perfect with us.

Argh, sorry, this has turned into a total emotional vent, but I am just sick of carrying this and really don't know what to do. I would love to get some counselling, but I don't really think we can afford it at the moment.

Does anyone else feel like this? Any other help?

Thanks for reading!