Serious libido issues

[amberj]

Hi all- its been a really long time since I've been here, but I am in need of some female community. Hugs to anyone I used to know from here!

I am having lots of trouble with my libido. As in, it is hardly ever there. Oh, maybe for a few days in the month it will come roaring back (which is lots of fun!), but then when its gone, it is GONE. I mean, gone to the extent where I want to flinch away when my hubby touches me in anything even remotely resembling a sexual way or hinting at sex at all. I am ridiculously touchy about it. Many times I have to force myself not to slap his hand away, but be gentle.

I think it has wider emotional implications too. I resist and resent any kind of approach by my husband which feels like "one more person who wants to take from me". I suspect there are deeper emotional issues here, undealt with childhood stuff or something. This can't be normal! I feel so mean.

There is also this other difficult dynamic. A long time ago, DH and I decided that we would only seek our sexual needs to be met from one another- ie- no self pleasuring. This was a very nice decision at the time- well before LO. It was our way of keeping our sex pure- no going off in your own head somewhere else. But now, I am pretty much solely responsible for meeting DH's needs in this area and I just feel pressure all the time. Like another thing I have to monitor and take care of.

I just don't know what to do. Affecting all of this are probably some built up emotional issues in our marriage. Nothing major, but after 10 years of being together, I feel like we could do with a honest "clean out". But DH has this kind of rosy view of our marriage and seems to get threatened everytime I mention that things may not be perfect with us.

Argh, sorry, this has turned into a total emotional vent, but I am just sick of carrying this and really don't know what to do. I would love to get some counselling, but I don't really think we can afford it at the moment.

Does anyone else feel like this? Any other help?

Thanks for reading!

[Calluna]

I don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know, you are not alone. I am exactly the same- a couple of days a month I'm up for it the restof the time I feel like slapping him away for thinking about, thinking about touching me.

[LieseSP]

Sounds like you really need to have a deep and honest talk with DH, as hard as it may be for both of you. You should try and come up with a resolution together. Ignoring it or pretending it is not there will only make it worse. That would be the place to start, and if you feel you need counselling you should talk about that too. Another thing, are you on any medications which could be affecting your libido? Sex is an important part of marriage, and if it feels like it is taken from you that is not a good thing. Sex is about mutual self giving and deepening of your commitment of love for each other. I see in your signature you have written "daughter of God". Don't be afraid to take this issue to God and pray about it. I really hope this is resolved for you soon. xo

[<3 Mumofthreetobe <3]

You are definitely not alone. I never feel like it. I never initiate it and 99.9% of the time I just tell DH 'no'. This has caused many arguments between us and some very hurtful things being said. I have childhood issues too that I think definitely play a huge part in how I feel. I wish we could just have a normal private life... but we don't. Just wanted to let you know I don't have any answers, but you're not alone

[Rach83]

How old is your LO?
I know personally I didn't fully get my libido back until I stopped breast feeding. We had sex again from 4 weeks post birth but it was never a "have to have you right now!" kind of thing.
Some women I know haven't even had any sexual contact with their husband for over a year post birth. Everyone is different - have a chat with either your husband or your doctor :-)


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[Calluna]

How old is your LO?
I know personally I didn't fully get my libido back until I stopped breast feeding. We had sex again from 4 weeks post birth but it was never a "have to have you right now!" kind of thing.
Some women I know haven't even had any sexual contact with their husband for over a year post birth. Everyone is different - have a chat with either your husband or your doctor :-)


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I second this. In the 2 years after having DS we would have DTD less than 10 times and every time I forced myself because I felt guilty not because I "felt" like it.

[MumtoA]

I agree that a good honest talk could def help. It's not about blame or finding holes in your relationship or not being 'perfect' but marriage can be hard and this is another hurdle in it...after 10 years it's fair that things may need to be addressed as we can't all be bonking all the time especially with bubs around!!! Anyways I know it's not much help but their is nothing wrong with a libido that goes up and down and to ot be in sink all the time - been there as well as I reckon a lot of others have To. In regards to the pact you made ages ago and now you feel your doing all the work - may i suggest that uou consider removing it if your confortable with this...sometimes it helps if both you and him can get a little 'me' time and then the other person doesn't feel bad(if that makes sense, if ot ignore this!!!) - hope that doesn't offend! for me personally I find that it helps kick start my libido when in a bit of a slump!!!! Good luck

[Enchanted]

Can I ask if you're on birth control & if so, what one?

I was very much the same as you when I had Implanon. Just throwing it out there