Should a 5 year old know better??? (May distress)

[Je$$_84]

I have a DS who is very uncontrollable. I know the frustration of teaching right from wrong but them not following. My DS is almost 4 he has tried putting a blanket on DD but i just dont leave them unsupervised EVER... If i need to go to the loo i put DD in her cot or somwhere where DS cant get into too much mishcief with her. I would never forgive myself if something happened. I would be concerned if it wasnt a once off. Some kids minds dont always see sense sometimes. I think setting boundaries is important but i have found when kids play there sense of what is right and wrong can be affected.

Also with a child who is (what some may call hyperactive) very overactive and easily excitable you really need to set boundaries and constantly tll them what is unacceptable. Discipline doesnt always work but a nice chat about what can happen and so on can be a good help. I think that mum and Dad need to sit down and find out why she would want to hurt baby... (she may not FULLY understand the consequenses and if she does then they need to discuss it and make her feel like she's loved and not replaced. I think alot of kids when other siblings come along feel REPLACED...

I don't think this incident should affect something as large as a move for your family

totally agree

[curl]

I was horrified when I read your post.

Your niece is clearly very jealous of her little sister and is acting out against her. At 5 she would know that she's doing something wrong but perhaps not the full extent of the damage she could have done.

Unfortunately, sibling jealousy is a very common issue when a new bub comes along and again I find a 'but'. The 'but' being, she should have gotten over most of these issues by now as her little sister has been around for a while. I agree with some of the other posts that she hasn't been getting heard and this is probably the reason she's behaving this way. I found that each time in our home that a new baby came along that if DH and I make time to spend with each of our girls one on one it reduced the jealousy a notch. Story time is a fantastic way of spending time with the older child as usually the younger child is already asleep in bed and during naps I've found that craft activities help cement the bonds with my older child (now children).

I wouldn't stop these issues from influencing your move, however, I would be keeping a very eagle eye on your niece whenever she is near your son. Have you spoken with your sister about your concerns or is it too confronting for you?

Curl

[paradise lost]

I was not horrified. I thought "we have to be careful with the baby" "the baby is precious" and then i could quite easily see why a 5 year old sibling, having seen an adult wrapping precious or delicate things in bubble wrap, would do the same to a baby she has in the past hurt and been told constantly is delicate and must be treated with care. At EIGHT i had the urge to put my hand over the mouth of a crying baby when i was told to "go stop the baby crying" - i didn't know what to do and literally-speaking covering the baby's mouth seemed to be the initial way to stop the crying. I was not in ANY WAY trying to hurt the baby, if i'd been told "rock the baby" i would have, but "stop the baby crying" is a not very good guidance for a child...

It is entirely possible she went to wrap the baby's head to make it "safe" as no doubt she's been told many times how careful she should be with the baby. And when baby began to cry she tried to wrap tighter to stop the crying.

Does a 5 year old understand suffocation? No. Does a 5 year old understand DEATH? No. Even 5 year olds who have SEEN a parent or sibling die in front of them will ask for them for several weeks, even if it's not their first enoucounter with the concept of death. Death is forever, forever is as long as you can remember and for most 5 year olds that's about a month.

Jealousy is a major problem, especially for older kids getting their first younger sibling. It's something i will no doubt face myself. For that little girl her mum and dad were her WHOLE world and now they have another baby. How would any of us feel if our DH's/DW's got another wife/husband to come live with us!? That's the level of betrayal she is feeling right now. Of course the baby needs to be protected from harm, but her poor little heart is pretty bruised too. A little understanding goes a LONG way.

I would make your move closer and when you have her over use the time to highlight all the good things you see in her, tell her how great she CAN be. If she is naughty she will likely only hear so from her (no doubt exhausted) mum and dad, and ANY attention is good at that age. If being naughty gets her more of the attention she desperately needs, why would she try being good? SHe sounds like a very high needs kid, i have one myself and they are HARD HARD work, but they can be so much fun if they are kept connected and with their needs met.

Bx

[Mum0809]

I think that mum and Dad need to sit down and find out why she would want to hurt baby... (she may not FULLY understand the consequenses and if she does then they need to discuss it and make her feel like she's loved and not replaced. I think alot of kids when other siblings come along feel REPLACED...

totally agree

I think thats a great idea. thanks Jess

Curl - too confronting. I think she would take it the wrong way.

Hoobley - thanks for your reply & lots of things to think about.