Siblings / half siblings

[RainbowRiver]

I have 3 kids already to an ex. My partner and I are now expecting our first. I know that my kids will have some form of 'rejection' or 'dislike' of this new person in their lives.

How do I help them to understand and accept a new baby into their lives? They know about the baby, that the baby is coming next year, that the baby will always stay with me even when they go back to dads house, that I will still love them just as much and want them involved.

I just don't want them to feel left out or replaced, or it to turn negative when they go to their dads house and the baby stays with me 24/7.

Is there a way to help them understand the bigger picture? Books? Counseling?

I know it's still early days, but I want to get onto it sooner rather then later just in case we hit problems.

My eldest is 6 and youngest is 3... So still little themselves. My ex and I have 50/50 shared care.

[BellyBelly]

Im in this situation but with a 10 and 8 year old. They are besotted with her, even now while they are at their dads. Dont expect the worst Could be the best. My partners kids are having more of a hard time, his step daughter hasnt met our bub, but its complex and he's more recently seperated (my fifth year for me).

[Cass72]

Yep! exactly that...

My DS1 adores his little brother and is just so wonderful with him (he was 15 when DS2 was born). It is my step-kids on the other hand seem to have aquired all the jealousy/rejection issues. They were 11 (DSD) and 15 (DSS) when DS2 was born and referred to him as their "step brother" they couldn't seem to comprehend that he was related by blood!

Congratulations by the way!

[~ Mylitta ~]

My step sons were 7 and 9 when our first baby was born. They were both really excited and adored him. I'm not sure they are quite so excited now that there are three young babies in the house, lol. We found things went fairly well, but my step sons are a bit older than your kids are...

[Starfish]

I'm with the others. I had a friend in school whose mother had remarried, and the girl and her brother both loved their half sister when she was born. GL.

[nothing2lose]

I think a good way to start is by not using the term 'half sibling'. The baby will be their brother or sister, there is no half about it.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I have half brothers 2 to my mum and 2 to my dad.
I was about 12 when the first was born (so quite a bit older) but it's a BABY, no matter what there is always a little excitement and love there.

I agree though it is their brother or sister NOT half anything... i wouldn't expect the worst at all.

[RainbowRiver]

Thanks everyone for your advice, hopefully things go as well with my children

Ok half was probably the wrong term (for the record I've always said brother or sister to the kids, never half bro/sis). It's just how I think of it as its to a different dad to what they have. Maybe cos I've always heard the term 'half' sibling or 'step' sibling (which isn't the case in my situation).

[raffy]

My brother is technically my 'half brother' he was four when I came along. He is my brother and I adore him to bits and I no for a fact the feeling is mutual. He has always loved, cared and looked out for me as an older brother should which included sizing up many potential boyfriends lol moral of my story it wasnt and still isn't an issue for us and I'm sure it won't be for your kids either

[ladybirdflies]

My girls were 8 and 6 when our baby was born, and there has never been a sense of separation. They feel like we are all (including ex and his fiancee) a big family that live in two different places!!

We are very blessed to have a great relationship (lots of work) with my ex and partner, they adore our dd3 and cuddle her and greet her with as much joy as the first two girls. She now runs up to them and loves seeing them which strengthens that picture of being a big family. They have even had her overnight one night and when she gets bigger in the future they would love to have her for a treat every now and then. As dd3 gets older she misses them so much when they are gone, the joy when they get back is so beautiful. The big girls have never questioned their place in my heart and have felt secure because there is nothing to feel insecure about, we simply added to our family, there is always more love for one more!

Just try not to be too intellectual about it, go with your heart and the children will follow. If your new partner loves and accepts them that will help very much also. And I like what N2L said, they are siblings through and through, putting a term before it robs the child of that deep connection.

[Beautiful Disaster]

My sis is my half sis but i don't think of iy like that either.

I Then have another half sis that I don't think even kbiws about me

[Ryatha]

When DS arrived my girls didn't realise that their dad wasn't his dad as he was conceived very close to my separation. But when I told my eldest - she was 8 at the time - she was upset originally for an hour or so. Then after thinking about it she said this to me:

'I came out of your tummy and so did DD2 and DS. It doesn't matter who his dad is we are all your children so he's my brother.'

It was such beautiful simple child logic she made me cry. My girls adore their brother, my ex cuddles him and plays with him when he sees him and the girls miss him when they are at their dads.

My theory was, if you don't make an issue of it, they won't. Good luck.

[CKJ]

DD has a different father to DS and just the other day she asked why he didn't have a father (long story)

She doesn't quite understand (nearly 7) but knows he is her brother and that he will still be here when she gets home from school or her dads. I think it's made it a bit easier in the fact her father actually acknowledges my DS when he is at our house (he will pick him up, he's fed him for me etc)

She did feel quite dejected to begin with and we had a lot of issues, she was worried about being at her dads and he was born and also not wanting to go to school (lying about bullies) just so she could stay home with him. I sat down with her and explained that DS would be home with me and she would still go to her dads and that we would all be back together when her visits end. He is 8 weeks now and she is pretty much fine with it all

She's so madly in love with DS it's cute and he also looks around for her.

DS also has a half brother on his fathers side but that relationship won't eventuate I believe

Good luck

[Beatrix]

My girls are currently realising the half situation... unfort its not by my choice.

I dont believe it needs to have that name added to it. unfort exh has been in their ears saying this baby is only their half brother/sister etc so they are asking questions. I have told them no matter what it is their brother or sister. They dont need to worry about the half stuff. Whether its me or their bio dad having another child it is their sibling.

When they first were told they came home asking which half etc would be theirs and it was clear they didnt get it, and we are slowly starting to explain to them that this baby wont be going to their dads house when they do. My youngest has always been very hesitant to go to her dads so we are expecting some slight issues once the baby arrives and she is able to comprehend it a little more.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

My brother is my half brother but i have never seen him that way, me and my sisters always knew he had a different father and we never thought any differently and he has never either.

Your kids will love this baby regardless of different fathers.

[RainbowRiver]

Thanks guys. My mind is definitely even more at ease now. Expect there may be a few dramas, but don't expect the worse pretty much.

Im under the impression ex doesn't even mention the baby to our kids, which is fine, as long as they know and are aware there is a new bro or sis is on the way. My youngest has offered to share his bed with the baby, the eldest is extremely excited.

Personally think its my youngest that will be a bit put off as he is very close to me and appears as 'mummies mate'.

CJK - in regards to your DD not wanting to go to school, I have that issue with my eldest now, only she says she's sick... But it's due to her wanting time alone with me as her other siblings are with me all day 2 days a week (not at school yet, one off to prep next year though). I feel sorry for her, but I make up our apart time as much as possible

Thats why I'm kinda scared come May next year, what will the older 2 do/think when it's my youngest and new baby home alone and they're at school 5 days a week


Im over thinking to much aren't I? Just need to chill and see how things pan out?!