Teenager's Help With One-Year-Old

[fionas]

It's looking increasingly likely that my 15-year-old DSD will be coming to live with DP, me and what will be our 12-month-old DD.

While I will still be DD's primary carer, I do think teenagers should pitch in too as part of the family.

I'm just wondering what other families have seen as appropriate help with siblings ie. do you ask them to give a bottle here and there, change a nappy occasionally, play with siblings while you're cooking dinner etc. etc.

I don't want her to feel like she's an unpaid nanny but equally a bit of help here and there is all part of being a family IMO.

[*charmalea*]

i think she will love the chance to play and look after her , she will feel a bit more part of the family and that you trust her ... if she doesnt take to it straight away , give her time ,shes probably just adjusting to new family life .... as long as you dont leave the bub with her when shes going out or busy she wont feel like an unpiad nanny!!!

GL .

[Chocaholic]

As she is 15 years old, she is old enough for you to negotiate with her. Treat her like an adult and respect her opinions. She will love it and probably feel more like a loved and respected member of the household.

Discuss what you think is important around the house generally (i.e. she must help with the housework, keep room clean, cook one night a week etc) and ask if she is willing to help out with DD. I am sure she will say yes and then discuss what she is willing to do. Tell her that she is not an unpaid babysitter or slave and if she ever feels like she is doing to much around the house then she needs to talk to you ASAP.

Make sure you communicate with her openly and treat he like an adult. At 15, she is not far off it and if she knows that you believe she is trustworthy and an important member of the household, she is more likely to behave that way.

Good luck

[Lisa]

My 14 yr old son does things for me without being asked, more because he adores his little brother like nothing else!
The things I do ask him to do is to entertain Harrison whilst I am cooking/cleaning etc, and to strip Harrison's clothes off him to ready him for a bath at night. James usually chooses outfits for Harrison and Madeleine doesn't mind changing nappies, as long as they aren't pooey ones! lol

[Nai]

What better way to encourage safe sex in a teenager than by making them change a pooey nappy but seriously at 15 she should already be responsible for her own chores around the house where she currently lives. They may be different ones to those at your place but if you and DP set the ground rules up front then there are no surprises.

Like Courtney said, if you tell her what is expected in terms of household chores then she is old enough to be responsible to complete them. You can also let her know that you want to encourage her to bond with and have a relationship with her little sister and with that in mind she needs to look after her like a big sister. Sometimes that means looking after her while you do things like cook dinner, sometimes it is playing with her and sometimes it might be dressing her etc. I think most teenage girls would be happy enough enough to spend some time with a baby, especially their half sister.

[Kitt3n]

What better way to encourage safe sex in a teenager than by making them change a pooey nappy .

ha ha LOL!!

Chances are she will love being with the little one, unless she has already shown an aversion to it?

Also i am guessing that it is partly her choice to be coming to live with you, i hardly expect that she wouldn't want to pitch in with the little one, she is old enough to understand?

[fionas]

It's a bit of a tricky subject to raise with her because her mum has been trying to tell her that we just want her here to babysit DD. This is NOT true at all but I'm scared that if I start saying what will be expected that it will trigger alarm bells in her head and she will think her mum is right.

She's not a girly girl and not really interested in babies (don't blame her - I wasn't at her age either) so I'm not really sure whether she will actually want to spend time of her own accord with DD. I think this is one of the factors stopping her coming back to live with us, rather than an attraction.

I'm sure it will all work out but just interested in what stuff others delegate to teenagers when they're busy doing other stuff? I should also say that DP is a shift worker so isn't around for dinner one week out of two. DSD has lived with us for eight months last year so we get along fine but last time I left all the chore allocation/monitoring up to DP which I probably can't do this time.

[Rouge]

Well given that my 6 y.o. can get her brother drinks/food and help put his shoes & socks on or get him dressed I don't see why its a problem. She even will get nappies, and help him to pick up his toys (yes I do teach them independence young). No she has never changed a nappy, or done anything that puts him or her in danger but she still helps out, just like he will help her out when he's old enough too. Its family, its what families should be like. Love one another and care and look after one another. If you don't teach them this when they are young how will they know to do it as an adult.

Although I might add, Paris would love it if I had 10 kids, but that ain't going to happen. I've already told her she can become a surrogate sibling to a dear friend who intends on having 10 kids LOL! So whenever she gets the urge to be part of a bigger family she can go help out there. Paris thinks the duggar family is cool...

[Lulu]

I reckon don't bother with the dirty nappies. Really. Nothing will get a teenrager screaming about human rights more than the prospect of poo. Then again they are all different...

DD helps me look after them at dinner time, bath and bedtime. Not each and every night, but when I need a hand. She likes to take one or the other shopping once in a while and swimming as well. Mine are a bit older though. If I get a phone call and they both decide to play up, she knows by frantic hand signals to jump in and distract them for awhile....I've also explained to DD that its not up to her to discipline them, thats my job.

I'd probably just let her know she will be expected to pitch in if/when needed, that it may not be all the time??

[Trillian]

I was 17 when my half brother was born and I would often help mum with feeding him or she would feed him and I would cook dinner or other household chores etc. If you think that there could be problems because of your DSD's mum, then get her to do more domestic type things rather than helping with her sister type things at first and let her decide if she wants to help with your DD so there is no pressure on her kwim? However I do think that considering your DH"s work then you need to all agree to how it will all work before he goes.

[tiggerandpooh]

how about giving her a choice - like would you like to cut up the veges for dinner or play with your little sister while I do it - do the dishes, or give her a bath, hang the washing out, or watch your sister while I do it... does that make sense. But as the others said, before she moves back in, have some ground rules well and truely established. Treat her the same way you would like to be treated, with respect, and remind her of that when it isn't happening... Oh the joys of blended families (a word I personally hate)