Unhappy and unable to tell what is real anymore; is it just the pregnancy hormones?

[quick.brown.fox]

I'm looking for advice, or reassurance, or just to hear if this has happened to anyone else. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and never been so unhappy. I've been looking forward to having kids my entire life, as long as I can remember. I was a sweet kid, sensitive, smart, friendly, but shy and nervous, adored my parents and was a good kid until I realised our family was dysfunctional.

I've gradually become more and more withdrawn, sometimes by choice, leaving behind people who have not been positive. I was married at the start of the year to a man I've adored, especially for his differences, as I always thought we were 'yin and yang'. Since the wedding, and more so, since pregnancy, he has become unkind, name calls, screams at me over simple things... He has always liked drinking a bit too much but had earnestly promised to cut down, and I believed him.

I severed ties with my mother, over her lack of support when I defended myself against my sister who has a combination of cluster b personality traits, and has made it her life's work to belittle me, finding the insults that really sting and honing them to make my life hell. My dad passed away years ago, and I have few close friends, only a long term best friend. I generally get along with people, but now I'm just finding I'm so angry and down I can't even make eye contact with strangers.

Throughout the pregnancy my husband and I have had arguments, and I've 'tried to be the adult' by accepting 'it's not me, he was just stressed, I'll make it clear that I don't like to be spoken to disrespectfully and then move on' but the other night he just came out with, quite calmly, 'you aren't a very nice person are you?,' and it just breaks my heart. He is very 'blokey' and I've had to attribute a lot if his insensitivity to that, i.e., if I say I don't like being called a name such as pathetic, f-ing hopeless etc, he has gone on saying 'if you can't hack that, how can you put up with anything' while I just sit there crying, feeling stuck and pathetic.

I don't know if I really am a horrible person, if I've become one (especially in my line of work, it's easy to burn out), is he the problem, are hormones making me too touchy....? I'm having a girl, I'd love to have more kids hut I really fear bringing them into a relationship that is not great. I also don't want my daughter to have a mother who puts up with crap. I am really torn. I don't have any supports and I don't trust anyone, I don't like myself, I'm really clueless.

In a few days we will probably be speaking, I'll have asked him to apologise and he might, begrudgingly, say sorry, and things will go back to as they were. I try to be cheery, even sing his praises to everyone, and I don't even know if it's because he is a great guy, if I want him to be a great guy and I'm kidding myself or what... I'm just over thinking everything and I'm miserable.

And maybe I am totally over reacting and I have antenatal depression and it's playing havoc with my thoughts; I can't think clearly, I haven't the entire pregnancy.

Any help would be great, even if you've been through this kind of thinking, situation, anything.

Thanks.

[littlelara]

If you hear only one thing tonight, hear this: you are not overreacting. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. No one. Not ever. And if this man claims to love you there is ABSOLUTELY no excuse for treating you with anything but respect.
Please don't believe that this is ok. It isn't. Really and truly.
You are not a bad person and you do not deserve this.

[OceanPrincess]

...I'm having a girl, I'd love to have more kids hut I really fear bringing them into a relationship that is not great. I also don't want my daughter to have a mother who puts up with crap...

Listen to yourself here. Think about your daughter.

Normal people don't speak to their loved one like that, middle of the conversation or not. Middle of a fight maybe? But... If my husband ever called me pathetic or said I was f-n anything, we'd be in couples therapy faster than he could blink. That's not ok.

[~Kim~]

I'm with the PPs chick, it is not ok for him to speak that way. Not in a fight, not ever.
Marriage is not about belittling or name calling.

I have suffered rather severe AND and anxiety, so I really do get where you are coming from. Yes there does sound like there could be a contribution from AND there, but the rest is not helping at all.

Who is your care provider? Have you had a chat to them about all this? Sounds like you could do with a fighter in your corner.

[catgal]

Awww you poor girl. You definitely do not deserve that. I would speak to your doctor in the first instance regarding the AND and go from there. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to feel the way you think you should. I for one hated all my pregnancies but was much happier after birth. Good luck sweetheart x

[Calluna]

The way your husband is speaking to you is emotional abuse. It is not ok. In any circumstance.
you are better than that. You desrve better than that.

[BlackCat]

You may find the way your husband talks to you is a significant contributing factor to any AND rather than the other way around. Talk to your gp away from your husband.

[quick.brown.fox]

Thanks. Half the problem has been that he has been off work for awhile and because of that, he has been to all my appointments so I can't say anything. I'm stressed as I've always been financially generous, he knows all my bank details, I have no where to go, no other supports, so I am feeling very trapped. I really want this all to just not be happening, I don't know how I've landed in this situation

[Calluna]

Does he let you go out on your own? You could open up a new bank account and deposit some money each week. Something minimal if need be, so he doesnt notice.
If you can get out alone could you see your gp?
Do you have anyone in real life that can help, or just be there to listen?

Im in a similar situation, feeling trapped, although the things my df says are less obvious so I feel like the crazy one. I wont say I know how you feel, as its different for everyone, but I get why it feels so huge and impossibly hopeless right now.

[quick.brown.fox]

I wanted to thank everyone for their helpful advice bar the comment "listen to yourself"; I have enough self esteem to respond with "listen to yourself, that isn't useful", obviously I am thinking of my daughter. Thanks, i won't be posting again...