Hi Ingdinga,

Congratulations - it must be a very exciting time for you!

I get lots of emails about the grandparents role in labour, it is a very sticky topic, so in the main section of the BellyBelly website (I think it could be in the post-natal section), our psychologist Daniel Chable has written up an article. It's more for the new parents but basically explains a few things.

From general concensus, only one birth support person is often allowed in the labour room - the obvious decision being the father. I believe sometimes this can be negotiated, however being a first labour, many mums-to-be don't particularly like an 'audience' even though you are actually offering support and they know this. Perhaps it is just nerves or they may be self-concious or unsure how they will be in labour - it's an anxious time.

Just my opinion here and not directed at you - but I would ask your daughter what her wishes are for the labour. I've often heard conflict occuring when the daughter chooses someone other than her own mother for the birth, with the mother feeling hurt and angry that she wasn't the first choice. I can understand a special bond with a mother and soon to be grandmother, but even for me, I felt funny about having anyone there except my husband. It's not that she doesn't love or appreciate you at all!

What I would have liked is for mum to ask me what she could do that would be most helpful - be it make extra dinners or clean - but as a new mum I just wanted some one on one bonding time with my new baby (I am not saying weeks or days here - just a little time to adjust!). If you let her know you are available to her at any time for anything she needs, she'll really appreciate it, rather than telling her that she will need you, or you'll end up saying, 'I told you so...' I think new mums like to think they can give it their best shot and if trouble props up (of course it will!), mum can be there with open arms (and not criticism because she has to learn for herself too!).

Maybe you can get some other opinions from grandmothers here but I guess what I am trying to say is that all you can do is ask her what she needs and if she would prefer some space, don't think of that as a brush off or a sign of disrespect - I am sure that I will think different the next time around as too she probably will.

Good luck!