Wow FC. I love the way you look at things. I wish we all had the strength to do that
Heaven it is a very difficult situation. If it was me (apart from trying to do what FC suggested!) I would let your mum call her partner whatever she likes. But when you refer to him to your DD, use whatever name you are comfortable with (his first name presumably). She will be far more likely to learn what to call him from you, then from your mum. Down the track when she uses his name rather than Poppy, if anything is said, just shrug and say "she calls xxxx Poppy so I guess she thinks of you as ....".
I'd always believed it was up to the grandparents (step or otherwise) to decide what they would be called, regardless of how difficult the situation is. On the other hand, I know too that there are emotional attachments to different titles, and it must be difficult to see someone you don't like appropriate a title so affectionate as "poppy". I'm sorry you are caught in this dilemma.
I think a compromise - your dd calling him Poppy and you calling him whatever you want (including rude words under your breath ) - might be the best solution, and taking FlowerChild's approach might be best.
On a lighter note, my dh wants to be called Pop when we are grandparents. That's what my FIL is to his grandkids. Unfortunately, it's a title that for some reason I really hate. I like Grandad or Grandpa, but not Pop. Sucks to be me, I guess (I shall be Grandma, thankyouverymuch, as long as it isn't too soon!!)
it is a very difficult situation. If it was me (apart from trying to do what FC suggested!) I would let your mum call her partner whatever she likes. But when you refer to him to your DD, use whatever name you are comfortable with (his first name presumably). She will be far more likely to learn what to call him from you, then from your mum. Down the track when she uses his name rather than Poppy, if anything is said, just shrug and say "she calls xxxx Poppy so I guess she thinks of you as ....".
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) - might be the best solution, and taking FlowerChild's approach might be best.
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