thread: What were YOUR parents like?

  1. #1
    Life Member

    May 2003
    Beautiful Adelaide!

    What were YOUR parents like?

    Now that I am pregnant again, I guess I am wondering what type of parent I will become once I am dealing with two little munchkins.

    Looking back on my own childhood, I had a really wonderful upbringing that was full of really special memories, unconditional love from both my parents and a lot of joy and security.

    I guess, looking back, my parents are now my role models for what I would like to become as a parent.

    What about you? What were your parents like? Good, bad or ugly? How do you think the parenting that you recieved will affect the way that you parent your own children? What about your partners parents?

    Are you keen not to repeat their "mistakes"? Or keen to replicate all of their parenting talents?!

  2. #2
    ok take 2 of going back to work.....

    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..

    Honestly my parents were pretty good, we were allowed to do alot of stuff being 3 girls it seemed others with brother could do more, but really our parents were understanding that we were growing & so understanding most of the times, of course there were times when we thought they were so strict, but realistically I now know without boundaries we would have been horrid!
    I guess one thing I hope to do differently is encourage dreams...
    I can recall numerousoccasions of coming hom & expressing my dream to do something or other & being laughed at, saying I'd never be able to do it etc, etc... So I'd give up!!!
    I want Maddy & future baby/ies to know I am fully supportive of their dreams... No matter how ridiculous (some of mine were abit out there!)
    I guess all in all they wewre really good, now we are all very close (we live on same block!)
    Dad still thinks I am his baby (I am his golden child in all honesty, can't do wrong!) But reminds me of things that a 31 yr old knows, but I guess he's trying to help!!!

  3. #3

    They were strict, but not as strict as some I knew and I felt I couldn't really tell mum alot of things. All that changed when I moved out though and now tell her anything and everything. I think she also changed too as she used to be a bit polite etc and never swore or stuff like that, now she can swear like a trooper

    I am hoping my boys will be able to come and talk to me about anything, I don't think they would be able to have that sort of relationship with Andrew cause he can be a bit funny on some issues iykwim so I hope as the boys grown he will change that attitude as well.

    I want to try and be a friend to them as well as maintaining a parenting level, so I hope i am able to find a nice balance as they grow and mature.


  4. #4
    Add Rouge on Facebook

    Jun 2003

    My parents were strict but often lost control and lashed out iykwim. Smacking was a common occurance in my house, as was yelling, a "clip across the ear", as well as "get the feather duster/wooden spoon". I don't have a problem with boundaries, but I see with my own daughter and how I have done things differently, and I have never had to lay a finger or anything else on her. When it comes to communication I think I was really lucky that we did do alot of talking, especially about our feelings and I think thats a tradition I have tried to carry on with DD. There are a few things I wouldn't do that my parents did but it was the style of parenting too. And most people did what everyone else did back then, and the first thing to come out of someone's mouth if they saw a child muck up would be "that kid needs a good whollop" iykwim. I guess I do use my parents as role models in some way, but moreso so I don't do what they did LOL! But having said that there are a few things I have taken from the positive too
    Last edited by Rouge; May 23rd, 2011 at 01:49 PM.

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jul 2004

    Well my mum has raised me since i was about 16mths old, so my dad really hasn't had any part in that, so just my mum. I would say my mum is stricter than some mum's but i've seen worse. The problem my mum has is that she is too over protective. I never had tantrums and i think that has a lot to do with the way she raised me. Her mum on the other hand wasn't a very motherly mum at all. She was an alcoholic, was never home, didn't believe in schooling or homework. She made my mum leave school and get a job at 16 and whenever saw her doing homework she'd throw it in the bin... Not my ideal role model and not my mums either. So compared to my grandmother, my mum is a great role model. I would do things a bit different to her but i don't regret the way she raised me.

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Oct 2003
    Forestville NSW

    Well...my parents sound a bit similar to Rouge, okay most of the time and then would lash out unsuspectingly and we'd either get a wooden spoon etc... I don't remember my father really having anything to do with us, he just lived in the same house. Thats about all I knew about him.

    Its really challenged DH & I to make decisions now on how we want to raise Matilda. Deciding ahead of time what our boundaries are and developing an important bond so she knows she's loved by both of us and we are a united front so she has security in knowing what is expected of her, but also heaps of rewards, cuddles and play times when she's going well.
    Last edited by Rouge; May 23rd, 2011 at 01:50 PM.

  7. #7
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004

    My parents have been great. For a few years we were raised by our grandparents as we lived with them and mum worked really long hours. My mum and dad split when i was about 1, so it was just mum, my sister and i for a while, then mum got remarried. My step dad has been more of a father to me than my real father, which is probably an awful thing to say, but my step dad has always been there for us whereas Dad generally doesnt have anything nice to say to my sister and I (aparently we arent part of the family.).
    My parents were not strict, but we were disciplined. They gave us the chance to have independence and let us do our own thing and take care of ourselves. Theyve always helped us out when we needed it. Mum has always tried to set a good example and has good morals too. Never forced us to do things we didnt want. Even though i no longer live with my parents(im only 15 minutes away so still close), we still definatley keep in contact and help each other out. I reckon i have turned out well, so hopefully i can do some of the things my mum did for me and be a great mum like her.

  8. #8
    Senior Moderator

    Nov 2004

    All I can really say, is that if I'm half the parent that my Dad is, then I'll be rapt. Lets you make your own mistakes, but is always there to pick you up when you fall down. Doesn't make comments like "I told you so", just "how can I help?" "what do you need?"

    Mum tries hard, but often doesn't "get it", IYKWIM!? She's really nice, but over the top.

    They're both really great. I'm one of four kids, and they sacrificed everything so that we could have a great life, we all went to private schools and had every opportunity (music lessions, sport, drama etc) and they didn't really have time to themselves. I really respect their decisions, they have four kids who get along great, and are really wonderful people (son doctor, daughter lawyer, son in communications, daughter still at uni).

    The most recent example is that DH got laid off at the end of February, and my firm closed. I got a job the next week, but DH only got one last week. So we had about 8 weeks of no income from DH. Mum and Dad came around and gave us heaps of money (over $700) to pay bills and rent, and don't expect it back or anything in return. They're just fabulous.

    And when I had the m/c last year, I rang them at 5am and asked them to come around, they were at my door in less than 10 mins. No questions, no problems. They're just there!

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004

    I just thank god I had the dad I did, otherwise I would not likely have survived my childhood. He was the most wonderful, caring, sensitive man who did all he could (when dealing with a psychotic evil wife) to make my brother and I experience some of the good stuff in life.

    I just hope that I have learnt from him and have the chance to make him proud.


  10. #10
    BellyBelly Member

    Aug 2003
    Melbourne, Australia

    My parents are fantastic. They have always been supportive and would do anything for me. I have always had a great relationship with my Mum. I have always been able to talk to her about everything and anything. And of course I'm Daddy's liitle girl. I have great memories as a child going to work with my Dad on school holidays. It was always fun as I got to eat junk food!LOL!

    Divvy my parents were the same when I had my M/C. Since we couldn't afford Frank to have time off when I had to go to emergency and then when I had my D & C they took time off work instead. It makes you feel real lucky.

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Member

    Feb 2005
    Christchurch NZ

    If i ever turn out like my mother then shoot me. I guess i love her cos she is my mum on a technicality but man she can be infuriating. She was an older mother (no offence to those of you out there - but it was unusual back then) and i don't remember enough fun bits of our growing up - then my parents split when i was 11 so yeah kinda crap from there on out. Mum has a temper and i have inherited it and i work so hard in not being like that - thats why we started with pets first....

  12. #12
    BellyBelly Member

    Jun 2005
    Sydney, NSW

    My dad was as strict as anything, and in certain ways I follow in his footsteps (I very much believe in discipline) although I'm no where near as harsh as he was. He has in his old age softened somewhat and now is just a big sook for his grandsons.

    My mom was always the softy who would pass us naughty kids over to dad too sort us out, now she's "Nanna pocketrocket" - lol.

  13. #13
    BellyBelly Member

    Apr 2005
    Hobart - Tassie

    My parents were strict but often lost control and lashed out iykwim. Smacking was a common occurance in my house, as was yelling, a "clip across the ear", as well as "get the feather duster/wooden spoon".
    Rouge, sounds like my household. I cant say I had a great childhood and maybe thats why I'm still unsure of having kids of my own. Will I be like my parents? I bloody hope not. I dont get it coz mum keeps telling me I was a good kid. Yeh, too scared to do anything.
    Last edited by Rouge; May 23rd, 2011 at 01:50 PM.

  14. #14
    Sun Nymph Guest

    My parents were, and still are, sort of distant and treated us with a sort of benign neglect - (emotionally, not physically - we were fed and sheltered etc). I never felt that I was the recipient of the fierce love I have for my own kids. Sometimes when I have something on my mind feel myself getting "distant" which scares the **** out of me.

  15. #15
    Ellibam Guest

    my parents were never really conscistent with any thing. Mum always said she treated us fairly and gave us the same amount of love and possecions as each other, which i feel has lead to us being more divided,then being close. although i am still very close with my family, jealousy often gets in the way with both my sister and i.
    We were smacked as children but that stopped when we were old enough to smack back! although it was only ever with a hand never and implement. which i believe in.
    Dad was always the scary one, because he was always at work, we never really got to "know him" as a dad. even though looking back at it now it was always mum who punished us.but then comforted us.although i also think her own unstable emotions made it hard to be close to her until i moved out.
    the things i want to carry on are/is the sence of humour. always being able to laugh,have fun.
    But i want to change(although this is a good thing as well) the way i was told to take responsibilies for my own actions but never encouraged to actually follow through. ie it was up to me if i was to do homework, but would get told off for not doing well in school or being a failure.
    sorry this seems to go on a bit
    But i love my parents and do respect what they ultimately have done for me

  16. #16
    Debbie Lee Guest

    My parents.... hmmmm... they started off well!
    When they split in '88... things went pear shaped.
    Mum is big on discipline... Dad isn't. They are at two ends of the spectrum.
    We are probably better off because we ended up growing up under the same roof as Mum (we didn't see Dad for 8 years). However, I found I was scared of her because she used to lose her temper very easily (resulting in pretty harsh discipline that I won't go on in detail here).
    I am worried that I will be the same with Gabby because I am very much like Mum. I am not very patient so I am working on it.
    Dad has only ever really yelled at me once since I was about 10 and that's because he was drunk and didn't like what I had to say... hmmm...

    Let's just say - there's good and there's bad stuff about how my sisters and I were brought up. Hopefully I will take and use a lot of the good stuff and not emulate the bad.

  17. #17
    Add Rouge on Facebook

    Jun 2003

    This is a great topic... from the early days... what's your take on your parenting vs. how you were parented?

  18. #18
    You were RAK'ed in 2015.
    Add beansbeans! on Facebook

    May 2008
    with the fairies and butterflies

    Mum raised us as a single parent and quiet honsetly there is no way in the world I will ever replicate her parenting.
    I had no boundaries, I was the adult in the house, I cleaned, I did the school lunches, I did the washing.. I did everything.
    I made a lot of mistakes growing up and I know that if I had boundaries there would have been no way I would have made those decisions.

    My parenting on the otherhand is fairly strict, but we have a lot of fun. I put being a mother first, and that is something my mother did only once in a blue moon or so. I am a lot more proactive in their lives, and thats the way I plan to be. Dh is very similar, his parents were great parents but they treated him like an adult from the day he was born, and he suffered growing up because of that.

    In actual fact we are the total opposite of our parents. we are rasing our girls in a way that we always dreamed our parents were like when we were gorwing up