What would you think?

[csab]

Last night I was woken up by the sound of what sounded like DS1's voice at around 3.00 - 3.30am. I went in to check his room and went to his bed and found clothes rolled up to make out he was in bed. I then rang his mobile, no answer, a rang several times and then called my sister to see if he answers her calls. No answer. I was so worried about DS, and didnt want to wake DH about it. I stayed up and continuously checked his room and his bed, his window was slightly opened and the room was just so cold. You know all these things started going thru my mind, like where is he etc.
The last time I went to his room just before DH got up to go to work and I had heard a car parked out the front and what sounded like DS getting back inside the house, which is what made me check his room again. Still nothing/noone. I then closed his door again and not long after heard some coughing, which I knew sounded like DS. I went back into his room checked his bed and nothing. I then thought maybe it was my other son which he said it wasnt and then I heard the coughing again, by this time DH was in the shower. I went back into his room, no-one in bed looked under the bed there is DS.
Now the reason I am questioning DS is I have caught him once before yet this was now where near as early. That particular day he was trying to say he was running around the park all morning - Ahh what at 5am. He is 16yrs.
Today he is trying to tell me that he was hiding under his bed as he had people looking at him thru the window, (You know the spirit kind) which I believe he is trying to convince me of as he truly believed he saw a man staring at him one night and noone was there and I had kept telling him that.
I ended up talking to DH about this as he wanted to know why I was up half the night sitting on the lounge.
DS then started calling me a liar in front of his father and that I am trying to cause trouble for him, nice one ha. My son was saying all of these hurtful things, and here I am waiting up all night with worry.
Now last night DD1 was telling me DS was talking to a boy on the phone and the boy told him that it was his 20th birthday today (yesterday) so that is something that I wonder about if that is where he was. With this 20yro.
I just dont know whether to believe DS and take his word for it once again, or do you think I really did catch this boy of mine out. I honestly dont need this right now. I know he is a good kid but am starting to wonder about the friends he keeps.

Thanks for listening.

[PinkPalace]

oh Csab! what a hard one!
i dont know what to think... if he has snuck out before maybe he did again (i know i used to *blush*).
How does he get out... window or door, can you do something to the door to make it squeek... ie drop the hinge a little without him knowing...?

The fact he was embarressed and calling you a liar means maybe something did freak him out and he was embaressed for Dad to know? But that doesnt explain the pillows/clothes rolled up.

Maybe the 2 of you need to have a sit down with him tonight and find out what is hapening... in a no threatening way ...

i hope i have helped (as i have no experience with teenage boys )

hugs

[Nai]

I used to sneak out too when I was about that age and also hang out with much older friends - however I never did it on a weeknight. If you know how he is getting in and out I would do something that alerts you when it is happening or make sure it isn't an access eg. a window lock with a key or as PP said make sure it makes a loud noise. You could also hide a baby monitor in his room so that you can hear him if he does get up

However, I would probably only do this if discussing things with him upfront doesn't resolve anything. Sit him down and explain that you know he wasn't in his room last night and you know that he was on the phone etc and hopefully he will tell the truth.

It's tough - I'm not really looking forward to the teenage years (especially as I know what I was like!!)

[Pretty Butterfly]

To be honest hon, I dont know many 16 yr olds that would hide under the bed if they saw someone, or many that would take the time to make a "fake' body in the bed. I beleive he is lying to you.
He also seemed to get quiet angry, another sign he was "caught". If he was telling the truth he would of been pleading his case, not been so defensive.

I can only suggest a heart to heart, and explain you will take great measures to ensure he cant leave his room at night if he cant be trusted. Give him the chance to prove he can behave first though. Put the ball in his court, and hope he plays nice.


I'm also not looking forward to the next few years!!!!

[HotI]

You said that you thought you heard him a few times during the night, but he wasn't in his bed. Is it possible that he could have been under his bed the whole time?

I don't want to alarm you, but there are a lot of chemical changes occurring in kids during adolescence and sometimes depression or other mental health issues arise at this time. Have you seen signs of paranoia, or sensing that he believes things that aren't true?

It may be that he was out all night, but keep an open min that he might need some medical help.

take care,

kate

[csab]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Kate - I was hearing him cough from around 6.50am in the morning. Not earlier than that, and it was around the time I thought I heard him come home.

Anyway, I have decided to give DS the benefit of the doubt, "this time" I will definately be keeping a close eye on him and he knows that. I am truly hoping that DS isnt telling me a fib and that he was under his bed. DS is normally pretty good, and does well in school and everyone around him thinks the world of him, it just seems to be those teenage yrs. I guess for me I just was not expecting to not see him in his bed it was quite a shock especially at that time of morning. Thanks again everyone, I just really needed to get that vent out.

[Lulu]

Oh darl, you caught him out fair and square. If he was home you would have heard his mobile ring. If he was scared under the bed he would have said something when you came in. The window was open and it was cold on a freezing night. No one rolls their bedclothes up like that for no reason. No one reacts so badly unless they have been caught out - calling you a liar just deflects the attention away from his wrongdoing. You have caught him doing this before....

I know you don't need this right now, but sticking your head in the sand could probably make it worse.

[~Trish~]

I was going to say the same thing as Lulu about his mobile phone. If it was ringing you would have heard it if he was at home. Also if he was scared of someone watching him through his window, why did he leave it open?

Like Judge Judy says "If it doesn't make sense, it isn't true"! LOL

What a night for you!

[Sammiejane]

Csab, im sorry to say that i think that he is not being honest with you either.
I didnt think of the phone thing, but there is no way that if he was scared he would take the time to roll up stuff to make it look like he was in bed - especially as he would be seen, spirit or otherwise (and im sure he knows that you would believe him re the spirit stuff as this is something not uncommon to you)

I like the idea of making the window squeeky or hang a bell off it or something similar, but i do think that hiding a monitor in his room is an invasion of his privacy, he is a 16yo boy after all and there are things that he may get up to that are harmless but embarressing to him ... not to mention the fact that it would damage trust between you if he ever found out.

Sorry that you have had a rotton night of worry and then being hurt in the morning

[Butterfly_Princess]

CSAB id definately say he was doing the dodgy. I only remember the times i snuck out to meet dp, about 2 years ago, and also i ment up with friends when i was like 14 onwards. I must say i wasnt smart enough to do the whole clothes and pillows to make it look like i was home. But it def sounds like he snuck out hun. And the girls have a good point about the mobile thing.
Maybe if you got red paper and made 'tags' to wedge into the window, so that if it were to open, they would fly out and you would know it was opened?? Being winter and all i think it would be unlikely for a person to open the window, unless of course exiting from it. Or the bell thing, but that would alert him and be obvious to him, so he would jump into bed and pretend to be asleep and 'the wind' (or maybe the spirit) will have moved the bell or alarm.

[Zee]

To be honest hon, I dont know many 16 yr olds that would hide under the bed if they saw someone, or many that would take the time to make a "fake' body in the bed. I beleive he is lying to you.
He also seemed to get quiet angry, another sign he was "caught". If he was telling the truth he would of been pleading his case, not been so defensive.

Sorry hun I think the same aswell. I would have sat on his bed, till he showed his face LOL.

[csab]

Thanks again everyone,

I know in my heart that he wasnt home, as I too believe with the defensive behaviour, was his reaction to being caught out. However having said that he knows that I am on the lookout and so is his father.
Thanks agai everyone, I feel really worn out today and havent felt bubs move for most of the day so hoping she is just sleeping and I feel her later on.

[~Trish~]

Aww, you poor love . Go lie down for a little while if you can. You have probably been too tired or busy to notice bub moving as much.

[Pretty Butterfly]

Have a large cold juice and lay down babe..... bub will soon move, and your DS will wait!!! Many years yet to give you heart pulpitations left in him I'm sure!!
He will come around, he's just testing the waters mum....