Hey hon
I still feel upset when I think about growing up in a separated family, because of things that happened that confused and upset me as a child. I would suggest the following which would be for different ages, not just now:
* Do not talk about your partner in a bad/angry way in front of the children, about the past or present, things they did etc
* Do not talk of details of the divorce - someone once said to me that when her (older) children asked her, all she said was, 'thats between your father and I.' For younger children obviously its a little different. They can be very matter of fact when young which can be a blessing. But they can also bottle up feelings.
* Reassure her that you both still love her very much and it wasn't her fault - there is a book called 'Two Homes' which talks about now they have two homes and helps explain to children in a gentle way
* Do not cut anyone from his side of the family out of her life or stop them seeing her
* Encourage contact and communication
* Quantity doesn't matter but quality. Kids cope better with regular contact, rather than bits and pieces here and there.
* Organise play dates etc to keep her social so she doesn't feel lonely
* Have special one on one time with you, as well as other people in your family, so you both have quality time and also a break.
* Be strong. She needs to see her mum in control and okay so she feels safe and ok. Rely on friends/counsellor etc for the outlets!
* I think every child from a divorced family likes to see their parents in a relaxed, social environment, getting on. This may or may not be possible, but I really cant think of much else that was good from the divorce for me.
There is a good book, 'Parenting After Separation' for adults.
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