Who else has been married to a Narcissist spouse?

[Rooey5]

wow, my ex, too! Things changed after DS was born, I realised after I left and was reading up on some of what I had been through. Unfortunately the games continue with him expecting me to bend over backwards to organise DS spending time with him, then accusing me of withholding him if I don't...

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[chrisinus]

Hi!

I really hope that someone is still out there with this posting. I'm still married to a narcissistic hubby and have 3 children. I've been married to him for 28 years and he is classic according to everything I've recently been reading.

He keeps threatening to leave me if I don't do what he says, including sexually. I would dearly love to leave but feel that I'm stuck. If I go, he has told me on numerous occasions that he will leave the country, and leave my children and I penniless. He has stated that he won't pay any child support or anything if he decides to leave (he has no idea I would like this in an ideal world) as he will not be in a country with a reciprocal agreement. My youngest child is disabled and is about to start at a very expensive special school for his disability and, without my husband, I can't afford it and he will suffer greatly as there is very little any state support for his disability.

I'm frightened, sad and alone in this as he appears wonderful to people outside the family. He tells everyone that I am the cause of any problems and uses me as an excuse when he doesn't want to do something at work or personally (my wife doesn't want/like it, etc) so I'm The Big Baddie.

Are there any support groups or anything around where I can talk to someone about it all? I'm in Brisbane and can't find anything on the web. I can find counsellors but I can't afford them as he controls the money and has a good income. I really hope someone out there can give me some advice as I just don't know where to turn.

Thanks in advance to anyone who can give me a few ideas or support.

Chris

[Santosha]

I'm so sorry you're going through this Chris. Good on you for continuing to pursue support and solutions when he has done so much to isolate and intimidate you.

What you are experiencing is emotional abuse, and as such, you would certainly be eligible for the support that is out there for women who experience domestic violence. Most of these services are free or low cost. I'm trying to google to find you a number but for some reason it won't load - I'm not in your state so I don't have the numbers but I'd try googling domestic violence hotline queensland. Hopefully they'll be able to give you some referrals for local services.

Alternatively, lifeline have a database of services and will be able to do a search for you base on your postcode.

Wishing you all the best. Xoxo


ETA: Google has decided to behave. The number for the Women's DV line in QLD is 1800 811 811
Lifeline is 131114

[BecauseICan]

Hi!

I really hope that someone is still out there with this posting. I'm still married to a narcissistic hubby and have 3 children. I've been married to him for 28 years and he is classic according to everything I've recently been reading.

He keeps threatening to leave me if I don't do what he says, including sexually. I would dearly love to leave but feel that I'm stuck. If I go, he has told me on numerous occasions that he will leave the country, and leave my children and I penniless. He has stated that he won't pay any child support or anything if he decides to leave (he has no idea I would like this in an ideal world) as he will not be in a country with a reciprocal agreement. My youngest child is disabled and is about to start at a very expensive special school for his disability and, without my husband, I can't afford it and he will suffer greatly as there is very little any state support for his disability.

I'm frightened, sad and alone in this as he appears wonderful to people outside the family. He tells everyone that I am the cause of any problems and uses me as an excuse when he doesn't want to do something at work or personally (my wife doesn't want/like it, etc) so I'm The Big Baddie.

Are there any support groups or anything around where I can talk to someone about it all? I'm in Brisbane and can't find anything on the web. I can find counsellors but I can't afford them as he controls the money and has a good income. I really hope someone out there can give me some advice as I just don't know where to turn.

Thanks in advance to anyone who can give me a few ideas or support.

Chris

[BecauseICan]

Hi

Keep feeling brave, surround yourself with people who care, confide and don't be afraid to lean on them. It takes a lot of courage. I am now 6 weeks into my "Freedom", I spent the first 2 weeks in fear for our lives, hiding with friends, avoiding him. The children were devastated.

I have four children, aged 24, 22, 14 and 11. Each child has suffered terribly at his hands, verbally and physically. In the beginning I was blinded by my love for him, but as the years have taken their toll I have FINALLY woken up. After 17 years trying to get the man back I fell in love with, thus losing myself in the search, it took one very public incident to slap me in the face and realise. The next morning after dropping my boys off at school, I sat facing the beautiful ocean with tears streaming down my face and shouted " TODAY THIS STOPS, TODAY OUR LIVES ARE CHANGING". I then went to work and announced to all my colleagues (who have thought I was nuts to put up with the good looking ********s behaviours for so long) and we all had a group hug and affirmations of support.

It took a further 4 weeks for the end to culminate, ending with my 14 year old getting pinned down and screamed at on his bed and my 22year old daughter stepping in between them.

The next day my daughter orchestrated our "Escape". She took overnight bags, uniforms anything we may need for the next 2 days to a safe house. She organised a spare car key to be left outside (she knew he would never let me leave and would snatch the keys). I picked the boys up and took them to the safe house, drove home and lived the most terrifying half hour of my life. As she had predicted he snatched the keys pushed me around then threatened to set the house on fire and kill himself.

Seems so long ago that short 6 weeks.
Here I am, still smiling, holding the trump cards with confidence. It has been hairy and will probably continue to be. I have my sanity and peace and happiness in my home.

My advice to you which someone else told me is, knowledge is power. Read all you can on NPD and also Borderline Personality disorder,arm yourself with information. Tell people what is going on (dont be ashamed). Go to your doctor and say you are so down beat you need help, ask about him putting you on a mental health plan - it will save you hundreds of dollars. You get 10 sessions almost free.

My eldest son now suffers from severe depression and is showing early signs of NPD, that is enough proof for me that our life continues without my ex.

He begged and told me at weekend how he has accepted his disorder which he has always denied, with such sincere charm I was derailed for a mere 24 hours, until he was seen with a "lady friend" near his parents house where he is staying. Proof to me he will move on quick, I am now back on the tracks and will ignore threats of suicide which is all an act to gain control over me again.

NO MORE, THIS HAS TO END. WE ALL DESERVE HAPPINESS. ALL THEY DO IS SUCK THE LIFE AND THE HAPPINESS OUT! THEY ARE POISON

If you need to talk more you can email or call me, just drop me a line.

[trishily0682]

Am I able to email you?
My email is **removed**

Hi

Keep feeling brave, surround yourself with people who care, confide and don't be afraid to lean on them. It takes a lot of courage. I am now 6 weeks into my "Freedom", I spent the first 2 weeks in fear for our lives, hiding with friends, avoiding him. The children were devastated.

I have four children, aged 24, 22, 14 and 11. Each child has suffered terribly at his hands, verbally and physically. In the beginning I was blinded by my love for him, but as the years have taken their toll I have FINALLY woken up. After 17 years trying to get the man back I fell in love with, thus losing myself in the search, it took one very public incident to slap me in the face and realise. The next morning after dropping my boys off at school, I sat facing the beautiful ocean with tears streaming down my face and shouted " TODAY THIS STOPS, TODAY OUR LIVES ARE CHANGING". I then went to work and announced to all my colleagues (who have thought I was nuts to put up with the good looking ********s behaviours for so long) and we all had a group hug and affirmations of support.

It took a further 4 weeks for the end to culminate, ending with my 14 year old getting pinned down and screamed at on his bed and my 22year old daughter stepping in between them.

The next day my daughter orchestrated our "Escape". She took overnight bags, uniforms anything we may need for the next 2 days to a safe house. She organised a spare car key to be left outside (she knew he would never let me leave and would snatch the keys). I picked the boys up and took them to the safe house, drove home and lived the most terrifying half hour of my life. As she had predicted he snatched the keys pushed me around then threatened to set the house on fire and kill himself.

Seems so long ago that short 6 weeks.
Here I am, still smiling, holding the trump cards with confidence. It has been hairy and will probably continue to be. I have my sanity and peace and happiness in my home.

My advice to you which someone else told me is, knowledge is power. Read all you can on NPD and also Borderline Personality disorder,arm yourself with information. Tell people what is going on (dont be ashamed). Go to your doctor and say you are so down beat you need help, ask about him putting you on a mental health plan - it will save you hundreds of dollars. You get 10 sessions almost free.

My eldest son now suffers from severe depression and is showing early signs of NPD, that is enough proof for me that our life continues without my ex.

He begged and told me at weekend how he has accepted his disorder which he has always denied, with such sincere charm I was derailed for a mere 24 hours, until he was seen with a "lady friend" near his parents house where he is staying. Proof to me he will move on quick, I am now back on the tracks and will ignore threats of suicide which is all an act to gain control over me again.

NO MORE, THIS HAS TO END. WE ALL DESERVE HAPPINESS. ALL THEY DO IS SUCK THE LIFE AND THE HAPPINESS OUT! THEY ARE POISON

If you need to talk more you can email or call me, just drop me a line.