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Thread: Will I ever feel like it?

  1. #1

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    Default Will I ever feel like it?

    I was so desperate to have a baby before we had DD. I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. Now she's one and I just don't have the urge for another one at all, not even the slightest bit.

    DH and I had both said that if number 1 was a boy that would be it and while I was pregnant I wasn't sure if I was ok with that. But then DD was born and I know DH would really like a son so he's keen to have another one, just not yet. But I just don't know if I want another one.



    DD's birth was traumatic and I felt so terrible and just disgusting for about 3 months after she was born. I had no self esteem. DH got depression (well, it was diagnosed and medicated anyway) after DD was born. I did not feel supported at all. I was even scared to leave the house while DD was really little incase she spewed everywhere, or poo leaked, or even just incase she cried and annoyed someone. I was also scared that someone would comment negatively on my parenting if we went out.

    I still remember those feeling so distinctly.

    I talk about "when we have number 2" but I am not sure if I'm just saying it because it's what people expect.

    I just turned 26 yesterday and if we are going to have another bub I want it to be before I turn 30, but I'm just not sure that I ever want another one.

  2. #2

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    I think it is perfectly fine that you feel this way and I think that in time you may want another baby. I have a friend who has nearly 5 years between her girls because she just wasn't ready to have another one before then. It has barely been a year since you had Jazz and I am sure that there are many, many women that are not even close to thinking about more babies when their first baby is one.
    There is still a few years before you are 30 (and that isn't even old these days to have babies!) so try not to have that pressuring you.
    Someone once told me that it take a good 2 years to get over pg and birth (I don't know how factual that is!) and I'm inclined to believe it.
    Try not to worry about it. Enjoy Jazz and maybe in a year or 2 you will know it is time for another one. It's ok to only want one child anyway.
    HTH

  3. #3

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    Double Post

  4. #4

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    I have a three year age gap between my boys because I wasn't ready before then either. There was a time when I didn't think I wanted another child at all, I too had a traumatic first birth and a horrific and long recovery (I had a PPH). Once I started feeling good again I just wanted to enjoy life as is and not go through it all again, if that makes sense.

    My DH was keen to have #2, but I didn't know if I would ever feel ready. It wasn't until DS1 turned 2 that I started "thinking" about having another. It was just from watching him play by himself that changed my mind in the end. I really thought it would be lovely for him to have a sibling to grow up with and play with. And that was it, a few months later we decided to go ahead and TTC and I have had no regrets. It is soooo much the second time around, I was much more prepared for labour and had a great experience, I felt well immediately afterwards and I actually knew what I was doing with a newborn!

    I enjoyed it so much we decided to go back again for #3 LOL!

    But back to you! Right now you don't feel ready and that's OK. You may change your mind later, you may not, but don't put any pressure on yourself right now. You have plenty of time to think about it and talk about it with your DH. Just enjoy your DD and see where life takes you

  5. #5

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    Danni - I know the feeling of worrying if the girls crying will annoy someone. I have found that that is mainly because of the attitude Dad has, and most people aren't that fussed. I have learned to to stand up for myself and them, and if we are with dad and he is huffing and making it obvious that he doesnt like it, I have reached the point of saying 'Well obviously I am not doing a good enough job of understanding what she needs so you can try to settle her'. It works. It also makes you feel better because other people are unikely to settle her if you can't, so proves you are not a faliure.

    Knowing that M has the history of PND (yes guys do get it) you can ask him to be extra mindful and seek help when he is feeling low. He may know his triggers now and be able to take evasive action when needed to stop him from going down that dark road again.

    I know you have been seeing a counsellor, maybe you need to look into debriefing your birth. I know it was an incredibly hard birth and then Jazz going into Neonates didn't help how you were feeling either.

    I still worry about poo and spew, and now with Sarah in knickers I worry that she will need to wee when I have no access to a toilet, but preparation is the key with that. I am sure every mum worries about those things.

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