Bek293 - I did tell him not to worry about it, he insisted on going to get one though. I didn't mention anything about it once he'd been shopping and I was very grateful when I opened it - but I did explain to him before the last minute shopping spree that him going out that night was for his sake not mine, that I already knew he'd forgotten and a last minute random present under the tree wasn't a big deal to me. I think he wanted to buy me something but maybe the day just snuck up on him a bit - letting him get me something did make him a lot happier - he would have been feeling really guilty if there was nothing there from him.
Mayaness - I'm so sorry that your DP was slack this christmas. That really sucks and you definitely deserve something! I hope there's some way you can talk to him about it without it blowing up
It was a nice present in the end - he got me one of those willowbark (I think that's what they are called??) statues and it is just lovely.
I think it's important to remember that presents aren't nothing ... some people give gifts to show their love - and they feel loved by getting gifts. This isn't necessarily superficial.
I really like the "five love languages" book, which talks about five different ways people give/receive love: words of affirmation, touch, acts of service, quality time, and gifts.
gifts is definitely one of mine. so if my DH forgets to get me a gift, that is hurtful. if he gets me something where he clearly hasn't thought about it, it's hurtful. not because I haven't got a new *whatever* but because he hasn't remembered, planned and executed a gift giving.
personally, I think it's actually very important in a relationship to know how people need to be loved. my DH's are touch (surprise surprise ... a man who likes to be touched...) and quality time. for him, just sitting together doing independent activities is a way he feels loved - just by being together. personally, I don't get it. but as it makes him feel loved, I will make sure there's time in my week to just sit with him - whether it's reading, or watching some show he wants to watch, or whatever. and to just snuggle, or hold his hand, or scratch his back or whatever.
but on the gifts front, it's the thought and the effort that's the main thing: taking the time to do something nice for me, in a way that really makes me feel loved.
some of the nicest gifts I can remember getting have been things like DH getting up really early one Monday morning when I was at home sick to get me a TV Week (long story short, I used to get it on the way to uni every Monday morning and read what happened in all the shows, because I never had time to actually watch them ... but I'd read the storylines, so I knew what was happening, and could join in on conversations...) - I was really over the moon, and very touched! Best $2.70 (or whatever it was at the time) I think he'd spent on me up to that point in time ... and another time, he bought me just the most beautiful necklace ... it was probably about $300 and I don't know how he saved up the money, but it was beautiful and it was exactly my style ... and the feeling I got was the same as the feeling I got from the TV week - my wonderful loved one thought of something I would really like, had made a plan at a cost for him (whether it was getting up at the crack of dawn, or saving up $300 when earning $9 an hour...).
and there have been some real misses - a dolphin statue, earrings that I never would have bought for myself, etc ... the misses don't bother me when I can see that he's thought about it and tried - they only bother me when he's clearly just bought me something from the supermarket on the way to my birthday or whatever ... because they show he wasn't thinking about it in advance...
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