I'm not sure where to start really. In hospital, all the midwives and two LC's said he had perfect attachment and that he was going to be a great feeder. He had lost more than 10% of hs birthweight on day 3 and his blood sugar levels and temperature had dopped.

Because my milk had not come in yet a midwife convinced me that he needed a top up so he had it via the nasal tube. I wasn't happy about it and balled my eyes out, feeling terrible. In the meantime, the midwives helped me express colostrum so at least he was getting that. By the next morning, he gained sme weight, got warmer and BSL's went back up so out came the tube. My milk came in on day 4. By the time we left hospital on day 7, everyone was happy with everything.

The alarm bells about my supply started when DS hadn't gained alot of weight after we left hospital. When the CHN came to visit at 10 days, DS had only gained 70 grams. She told me about ways to boost my supply, so I startd expressing after every feed and feeding on demand whenever DS was unsettled etc. A week later still only 70grams. No huge concerns yet as I was tld those gains are acceptable for a breastfed baby. CHN suggested I see the LC at the breastfeeding clinic. Couldn't get down there until after my 6 week check as I had a c/s and had no one to drive me.
The LC checked him out, watched him feed, looked at his suck, attachment and said everything we were doing were fine maybe just feed him more often which was impossible because by then he was feeding every 2 hours and taking 1 hour to feed! She suggested I try fenugreek and keep up the expressing so I did. Went back a week later, DS only gained another 70 grams. This time she did the weighing before and after a feed and he seemed to take in around 100mls total from both sides. She suggested I start taking Motilium which I did, but DS still was not gaining and by 9 weeks had even started to lose weight.

Saw the GP for his 6 week checkup, who checked him out and said he was fine and healthy. Was very encouraging about not to worry too much about the weight charts.

At 9 weeks I decided to see another LC recommended to me by my sister and a friend. I finally felt like we could get somewhere as this woman checked everything about his suck. I mean she did not just watch him feed, she used her finger and checked his suck herself and concluded he was not sucking well enough. I felt hopeful now after weeks of despair and tears and stress. We got a nasal tube and using my finger, the tube and EBM we started our "suck training". I noticed a slight improvement but still not good enough. THe LC also suggested I hire a double electric pump so I contacted the ABA but never heard back from them about it so just carried on with my Avent pump. Was feeling disappointed about that.

At 10 weeks again we saw the GP (different one) who also reassured me about the weight gains but we still did tests for UTI and DS had an ultrasound on his tummy. We had everyone confused because he showed every other sign of getting enough milk (ie wet nappies, alert, reaching milestones, etc).

At 12 weeks we saw the paediatrician. DS was skinny and I felt so bad that I could see his ribs. I felt so guilty that I wasn't providing him with enough milk but on the other hand I felt so guilty because I had to give him formula. The paed sent us for blood tests to make sure was all ok. It was concluded that DS just needed more calories and so she prescribed 100mls formula top ups after every breastfeed.

So in 4 weeks DS gained 2kg and is almost back to the weight he should be around. I give him the formula top ups using the gastric feeding tube I got from the LC so he is always at the breast. I let him breastfeed as normal and then pop the tube into his mouth while he's still attached. Doing this has maintained my supply but it hasn't got back to a huge enough amount that we can drop the top ups.

Throughout the weeks, with all the expressing, fenugreek, motilium, I would notice a boost in my supply but because DS wasn't sucking properly I would just end up with blocked ducts. Thankfully, never eventuated into mastitis because I always fed and massaged them until they cleared. I tried everything to boost my supply, expressing, motilium, fenugreek, even the old wives tales of aktivite and lactation biscuits.

The whole experience had me in tears constantly and I know the stress started to affect my supply as well. I felt like such a failure that my body couldn't do what it's supposed to do even though the LC had told me it is DS's suck that was the problem. When I think back to the early weeks when we were up 2 hourly around the clock, I feel bad that he must have been so hungry.

I still express whenever I can and he will get this in place of a formula top up, so that's a start I guess. I hope that one day we can get rid of all the formula top ups. And I hope for the next baby it works alot better.

Thanks for reading...