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Thread: FF is not a crime

  1. #1

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    Angry FF is not a crime

    I have been given dirty looks and comments about giving my 8 week old formula in the parents room @ my local shopping centre. I had no choice but to formula feed her as she failed to thrive on breastmilk and was admitted to hospital for 10 days. I'm not shy so when given these looks / comments i have said i wish she could breastfeed but if we had continued she would have died. some magazines are not having any bottle advertising etc so i had to buy 1 of nearly every type of bottle to find 1 emma likes. just because breastfeeding needs to be looked upon as the best option does not mean that people have a right to look down on u for formula feeding. i feel alienated by many mum circles because there is not enough tolerance of the need to do what is best for your family.


  2. #2

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    Aww, Ali, some ppl just need to keep there noses out of other ppls business!! Being a great mum is what mothers aim for and if that means you chose to FF then that is right for you and DD... It's none of anyones beeswax why you are bottle feeding!!

    You are doing a fantastic job and don't let anyone make you feel other wise!

    Tanya

  3. #3

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    Ali, I am with you 100% I FF my DD for medical reasons and the criticims I got (and still get) were staggering.

    I wish people would be more tolerant and stop thinking that there is only one way to nourish a child. Breastfeeding is not the be all and end all, and for some mums and bubs it simply doesn't work. I think some of the shall we say more vigorous advocates of breastfeeding are doing their cause a huge disservice by the stance that they take.

    The only thing that is important is that mother and baby are happy and healthy. How they get that way is both irrelevant and none of anybody else's business. Being a mother is so incredibly difficult, and we all strive to do the very best we can by our children. It would be so much easier for us all if we were given support and understanding by our fellow mums, not criticism and denegration of the decisions we make.

  4. #4

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    Ali - You're absoloutly right, FF is certainly not a crime. I have one bub who was FF (apart from the first 8 weeks or so) and one who is still BF and I know it's tough FF and getting 'those' looks. But def happy mum = happy bub and sometimes it just doesn't work. As long as you are happy, bugger everyone else I say!

  5. #5

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    I had always breastfed my kids and was shocked to find just how rude people could be if you pulled out a bottle!! My son has cleft lip and palette and so has no choice but to have one, even though it is EBM. I even heard one lady comment to her friend "to lazy to feed that baby properly" when i got the bottle out. I proudly held my son up and said loudly to DH 'Isn't it great bottles were invented otherwise my son would of starved due his birth defect'. That shut her up fast EVERY mother needs to feed thier own baby the way that is best for THEM !!

  6. #6

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    I too am one of the mums that gets dirty looks when FF in public. At a family BBQ not long ago a long time "friend" ,whose bub is 2 months older than my DD, decided to let me know how she really felt when I was feedin DD. She told me that if I had tried harder at BFing that it would have happened. Despite me trying for the first 6 weeks, expressing every 3 hours-bub was 9 weeks early so couldnt BF, all I was able to get was 20 ml each time. I was forced to bf her from the nurses when she was big enough and even her rapid wieght loss meant nothing but put her back on the formula and she thrived and has continued to do since.

    Some people need to shut their mouths and keep their opinions to themselves because they dont know the situation and as mothers only we know what is best for our babies!!

  7. #7

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    Amen to that. I'm sick of being made to feel usless due to FF Charlie. What is worse is people do not know the individual situations for why we choose to FF & it's even though it's not their business perhaps if they did they would just leave us alone. What gives them the right, also "people who live in glass houses", why comment if you haven't had all your babies, or one at all!!!!! I wouldn't put my bubs in any avoidable danger, I don't see FF as a danger at all. So if we love our bubs, keep them warm, safe & so on what's your problem!! I think it's worse when I see a 5month old bubs getting her ears pierced & to keep her from crying Mum gives her a Chocolate frog, but I didn't say anything!!!

  8. #8

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    Of course it isn't a crime, it is a necessary aid when all else goes wrong, I had to use formula when my son had bitten me to point i couldn't BF. But you girls are not alone, you should see some of the looks I get when I BF my baby these days. Some people seem to think that breast feeding your baby beyond six months is "sick". You can't please everyone, don't even try.

  9. #9

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    I FF too from 12 weeks as I could only feed from one side due to breast cancer and know exactly how you feel about people looking down their nose at you because you pull out a bottle rather than a breast. My DS was only a little guy so he looked younger than 12 weeks and I always felt and still do that I needed to justify the bottle. FF babies do just as well as BF babies, my DS is bright as a button, clever, funny and very social. He is not sick more often than any other baby, he reached his milestones well ahead of the "norm" and I think he's just perfect the way he regardless of where his milk comes from.

    Formula is a choice mothers make whatever that reason may be. It doesn't mean you are less of a mother nor should it be difficult to obtain eg prescription only. Women should be free to choose formula and be able to purchase their milk for their babies as easily as a mother can offer a breast. Putting restrictions on formula only serves to further descriminate against FF mums and create an us and them club.

    Come on BFing mums give us a go!

  10. #10

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    I for one have never had to endure any mean comments at all when FF in public. I admire that there are women passionate about BF - and so there should be passionate women - but that gives them or anyone else no right to comment on the parenting choices made by someone else, particularly if they chose to extend BF and have to put up with comments about BF older children, sooner or later the shoe is always on the other foot. A little consideration goes a long way in life and it really serves no purpose to make nasty comments.

    I am moving this thread to Formula Feeding General Discussion too...

  11. #11

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    Yes Sherie you are right people comment about BF too if they think you are BF too long. Don't they know there is no "correct" time to give up BF? It's just crazy, you can't win. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    Pity people can't simply say what a gorgeous baby rather than comment on what is in the baby's mouth...

  12. #12

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    I've never had anyone look at me like that when i have pulled out a bottle of formula. If they haven't seen you make the bottle up you can always say it is EBM they are not going to know.

  13. #13

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    I always make it up just b4 use to avoid bad bacteria.

  14. #14

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    I had a lot of problems breastfeeding my babies, so changes to formula by 6 weeks. Nicholas wasn't gaining weight and had reflux, then started to refuse the breast altogether. After trying everything, with help from ABA, lactation consultants and my CHN, he still wouldn't feed, so we decided to put him on a thickened formula for reflux. He still had problems feeding, but slept better, started gaining weight and was a much happier baby! I guess I am lucky, as I have never had any negative responses to ff, but maybe I have just not noticed any looks my way!! I am appalled that people would make such ridiculous comments about someone ff their child, especially when they don't know their circumstances, and more to the point, what business is it of theirs anyway??

  15. #15

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    I agree with Krisp, it seems everything to do with babies is "damned if you do, damned if you don't" from what you feed your baby to control crying, everybody has something to say about it! With my next child I won't even think twice about following my instincts and ignoring everyone else instead of second guessing myself all the time. As a Mum you will do the best for your baby - FF or BF.

    P.S I cannot believe how rude some people are, it blows my mind.

    Laurin

  16. #16
    Jodie259 Guest

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    This is my farewell post. I just want to say goodbye to all the lovely women (and few guys) that I have met on this forum.

    It’s time for me to take a serious look at my life. And hope that everyone looks at their life in the same way.

    I have a wonderful husband and two adorable children. And I spend far too much time online. Particularly on BellyBelly. I dread to think of the hours that I have wasted that would have been better spent with my beautiful family.

    I want to be a mother that spends time with her kids; playing playdough and painting… and not regretting things later on in life when it’s too late. I don’t want to look back and say “gosh… I shouldn’t have spent so much time on BellyBelly… my kids have grown up”. I want to nurture the relationship that I have with my wonderful husband. I would rather spend an hour with him and my kids, then spend it online. I would rather spend time painting with my children, then find out that they have painted the carpet whilst I’ve been “too busy” online. Even if I spent an hour on myself (exercising, reading, relaxing… would make me a better person).

    And if I do need “time out” to spend on a forum – I don’t want to be one of 10,000+ participants. I want to go to a small, friendly forum. Reminds me of the “Cheers” theme song (for those that are old enough to remember Cheers….)

    …Sometimes you want to go
    Where everybody knows your name,
    And they're always glad you came;
    You want to be where you can see,
    Our troubles are all the same;
    You want to be where everybody knows your name.


    So to all those that see this post….
    Farewell…. Adios…. Au revoir…. Shalom…. Bye…

    For those TTC… I send my best wishes that you are blessed with babies. For those that have children… spend time with them.


    Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.
    Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course?
    Each of us has such a bank. It's name is TIME.
    Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
    Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose.
    It carries over no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.
    If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against "tomorrow."
    You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!
    The clock is running!! Make the most of today.

    To realise the value of one year, ask a student who failed a grade.
    To realise the value of one month, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
    To realise the value of one week, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
    To realise the value of one hour, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
    To realise the value of one minute, ask a person who just missed a train.
    To realise the value of one second, ask someone who just avoided an accident.
    To realise the value of one millisecond, ask the person who won a silver medal at the olympics.

    Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember time waits for no one.
    Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why its called the present.

    Don’t waste another hour, minute, second……
    Last edited by Jodie259; February 25th, 2008 at 09:52 PM. Reason: goodbye

  17. #17
    salsa Guest

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    Most formula feeders don't give their babies formula for pure convenience or because we think it's best. We do it because we have no other choice!
    I agree. I had a friend who is of the belief that everyone had a hard time and you just need to perservere. That's fine but at what cost? I had severe PND, attachment issues, a baby that never slept and screamed all night, mastitis and such damaged nipples. Was I supposed to have a complete nervous breakdown? She still makes snide remarks about it as she was able to breastfeed her bub past 12 months. I just ignore her as I know in our case I did what was the only thing I could. Mind you if she keeps it up I just won't have anything to do with her.

    As for people in public, I was in a feeding room once and everyone was breastfeeding with their friends/mums/sisters with them. All those not feeding were also sitting and not one gave me their chair and I had to stand feeding a screaming 6 week old. That is the only time I thought I was being punished for FF but we survived. I never look around when I am out and about feeding him, I am too busy watching how he is going and talking to him.

    Don't worry about them or just tell them to take a long walk off a short pier. You are doing a great job and people should just mind their own business.

  18. #18

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    I FF my first as I had such troubles & she was literally starving & I had chunks torn from my nipples! I was so angered, upset & hurt at myself for not being able to feed my baby naturally. My first time at a New Mothers Group I was the only FF Mother, by the 3rd class there were 6 of us FF & 11 BF, by the end of the 3rd month there were 9 FF babies & the rest were BF, with a few having FF top ups..
    No one judged me though, I only judged myself & put the pressure on myself!

    Baby #2 arrived & attached perfectly (I was so afraid of BF, much, much more so than birth!) I fed her til she refused breast at 14mths, we then found out we were expecting #3... Again I was afraid of the first few wks of BF more so than the birth, I am succesfully demand feeding him...

    In my experience I was my own worst enemy with DD#1 as I jusged myself...
    However when BF DD#1 I had ppl ogle me, comment on how long I planned to force her to breastfeed for etc...
    So far with DS I have sat in a food court eating lunch with my family when he cried at about 3 or 4 wks of age, I picked him up draped a sarong over me us whilst I fed him..
    The look I received from a purple haired old bag was outrageous, meanshile she smiled at a young girl whom was shoving McDonalds Chips & Burger into her 4 or 5mth old babies mouth!

    From that day on I have ignored looks, stares, ogles & judgement of others (well probably as a young kid I havent really cared about others opinions of me) but still this made me realise that ppl will always judge, their jugdgements are never important... It's more important what we think, how we feel & what we are happy with, anyone else's opinion of me & my parenting choice just doesnt factor into my life!!!

    As Mum's we will forever be criticised, no one way is perfect for everyone, just do whats best for your individual circumstance & be proud knowing you are!!!!

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