Reply With QuoteTo be honest, and this is by no means having a go at anyone, I see more anti FF sentiments online than in real life. I think it's because the written word lacks the body language etc and can be easily taken the wrong way.
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I certainly haven't had anybody directly say anything to me. If people are staring at me, I just smile and it usually prompts them to smile back.
I do have to say though I feel compelled to almost whisper that my DD is FF b/c I am waiting for them to have a go, but nobody has. Also probably b/c I put in why she is FF, again justifying my decision......
Your comments above Tracey are exactly how I felt, everybody was supportive of my decision to swap to FF, it was me who kept questioning my decision, sometimes still til this day.
I can't understand why women/people aren't more supportive of parents, in particular mums. Why do people feel they have to judge, rather than offer support or just listen?
To be honest, and this is by no means having a go at anyone, I see more anti FF sentiments online than in real life. I think it's because the written word lacks the body language etc and can be easily taken the wrong way.
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I think there is definitely pro breastfeeding sentiments online but I wouldn't class that as anti ff
I totally agree with you Tracey, I never had anyone directly say anything to me but I think I beat myself up more than anything which allowed my perception to change iykwim? Ironically IRL I had more people tell me I should switch to formula than I ever did people judge me for it, but I definitely judged myself. Now I look back I think I did the best I could with the knowledge and support I had at the time.
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
This happened to me on a few occasions as well! I BFed but would walk into a baby's room only to have all the chairs occupied with people who weren't feeding and didn't have a baby. Just wanted to sit there chatting with their friend, who did have a baby! Ooooo it used to peeve me no end!
One the last occasion, I actually asked an older lady to please move so I didn't have to balance Charlie in my arms to feed him. And she did and at least had the decency to look embarrassed about it too. Sometimes people just don't think!
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I cant believe the number of responses this has had with similar experiences to mine! its getting more than 1 post per hour since i put it on! Unfortunately my dad is one of those people that thinks BF should b done in private and he's only 49! but when i was bf i told him that there is no way i'm going to sit in an unhygenic place forthe sake of privacy and you couldn't see anything anyway. now im ff i tell dad that pulling out a bottle for such a young baby is more embarrasing than bf in public. When I was bf most ppl smiled when they saw me feeding but now i get that stern 'u shouldn't b doing that' look. some ppl just need to learn that judgement is the worst thing u can do coz 4 every judgement u make 3 are made back at u.
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ah man the amount of judgement I've copped is ridiculous. At our local shops, if I give Jovie a dummy its wrong, if I breastfeed her its disgusting, if I give her a bottle I'm not doing whats right for her, if I dress her in a cloth nappy I'm an idiot, if I use disposables I'm killing the environment, if I don't put a beanie on her head in winter I'll give her a cold, if I put a beanie on her she'll get too hot.....
I've heard all of these, and everytime I go I hear something. So I've stopped going there.... its too much. It wears on you after a while knowing everyone's watching your every move as a mum & it will be wrong no matter what you do.
*hugs* girls the only thing that matters is our love for seeing our babies thrive.
so true Christy
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[QUOTE=Cailin;966500]I think there is definitely pro breastfeeding sentiments online but I wouldn't class that as anti ff
That is a really important point Cailin. Many women seem to interpret pro-breast feeding statements as anti-formula feeding. If you have a vaild reason to FF then pro-breast feeding comments shouldn't bother you. I've used formula but I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty... why was that? Because I knew I had no choice; my nipples were bleeding, i had to give them a rest, there was no other choice. I acknowledge that pro-breast feeding statements are very much needed. They are needed to educate women as to the truth and to counter act the false claims of the formula making companies in their ads. If pro-Bf comments weren't made then more and more women would believe that artificial milk is better than the milk their own bodies make. Would FFing mums really want all women disempowered like that? Would they prefer that the artifical companies rake in the bucks from women who are able to BF, and who would prefer to BF but have been convinced that formula is superior? I don't get it?
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I don't have a problem with the pro breastfeeding advertising etc, its just the looks and comments from the general public. if ur baby can and does breastfeed then fantastic but ppl need 2 b more understanding of those with a medical need 2 use formula. I really wish that em could breastfeed but she just can't. Sarah did and grew well but if i had continued em would have died. she was literally skin and bones. i will post fotos soon of in hossy n after, 4 weeks from her admission. if u see these u will understand my dilemma.
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Ali, well I would have also received those exact same looks as I often took expressed breast milk and put it in a bottle to feed in public when attaching was too painful to do in public. So I think that FF mums really should try not take it too personally. ALL mothers are judged.
From my experience I've never heard a FF mum being judged in a negative sense, only if she cites an untruth such as "formula is better for my baby than my breast milk because it has more ingredients". I have never heard a FF mum criticised if BF was impossible. I would personally feel a bit sad for a baby if the mum could breast feed but chose not too, because for example; she thought it would make her breasts sag (a friend of my mothers stated this as a reason for not feeding) but even then I would not say anything even though she really should be corrected as BF doesn't make breasts sag, age and unsupportive bras do.
I agree Ali, people in the general public should not be so judgemental, but that's life and we are all affected. If it's not the way we feed it's every other aspect of parenting where there is more than one way of doing it.
I think it is better to raise your own self esteem rather than to demand the impossible, society is never going to change. However one thing that can and should be changed is misconceptions regarding breastfeeding.
Last edited by Bathsheba; October 16th, 2007 at 02:40 PM.
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u r so lucky to live in an area where people aren't so bold as to say anything. it's not fair that ppl don't feel the decency to keep their judgements to themselves and that is my whole point. i have been to bf info sessions and heard lc's say that every1 can bf and it's that attitude that upsets me bcoz it makes us that cant feel inadequate and then there are some ppl that stregthen that feeling of inadequacy by not keeping their mouths shut and/or looking away if they don't like it. the only thing that keeps me positive about ff is that it is best 4 my family and my daughter because we had no other option.
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this is not a judgement, just a suggestion.... but for those that are FF young babes for medical reasons, is there any reason you can't re-lactate and both BF and FF after the innital problem is sorted out?! surely that would be the best of both worlds?? even if the babe was only getting minimal breast milk, the benefits of being skin to skin,the comfort etc for both mum and babe is worth it??
Hopefully, in some cases, medical issues that were problems in the early days may have been rectified and over time, with sufficient lactation support (and there is LOTS out there) you may be able to BF full time again?!?
from the sounds of things, those that have posted wish they could still or have continued the BF journey.... just wanted to mention that it's totally possible to re-lactate if that's something you might be interested in trying.
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Ali it is painful people saying things to you. I still get it all the time for other things than FF. & even though I "know" better, it can get to me on a hard day. When you are struggling with knowing that you are doing the right thing for your baby even more guilt is placed onto you. People don't need to judge but they feel compelled too. I don't understand why complete strangers feel like they have a right to tell you what you "should" be doing.
ETA: Laura, I did try to relactate with Matilda. It didn't happen after a week of hard hard work. It was devestating mentally & emotionally. With Jovie I fought tooth & nail against breast refusal & reflux and am still feeding her, but with Matilda it was impossible. I was ill advised & no one was around to help me, and then left to feel guilty like I hadn't done "enough" without support.
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I forgot to agree with this! The whole anti FF thing never really registered with me until I started joining online forums. I just assumed that most mums BF and those that couldn't had to use formula (except for that mum who didn't want her breasts to sag). I guess i didn't realise that so many women had problems BF until I came online which would make you wonder why there is more vocal criticism of FF online when there are enough stories to explain why it is necessary.
What makes me sad is when the mums who have to use formula become annoyed by pro BF posters etc. Why don't they want other mums to be notified of services like the ABA? Why do BFers have to refrain from helping other mums via communication.
If you feel sensitive about an issue when it is not warranted (you should not feel guilty for using formula if you have no other choice) then that is ok, seek help about it. But it is not fair to translate that sensitivity into a desire to censor pro-BF messages. It is paranoia to think that the pro-BF message is meant to make you feel guilty. It is not. It is to help women who want to be helped. It is to encourage the women who desperately want to BF but are going through a rough patch. Women deserve encouragement and the general public need to know that BF is not always easy and to be more supportive.
These comments are general, not directed at anyone.
Last edited by Bathsheba; October 16th, 2007 at 03:38 PM.
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bath, pro bf is great! it is a good idea to encourage ppl to seek help but when that help does not fruit in continuation of bf despite all attempts ppl need to b more sensitive. personally i think we r all missing the fact that this is not an anti bf post. it is about tolerance and avoiding judgementalism. I'm not bagging ppl that r lucky enuf to bf, i'm just asking 4 more understandin 4 those who cant.
I agree Ali, whilst pro bf is great and many put ff reactions down to guilt etc it wouldn't hurt for people to be more sensitive at times. It can be really hard to read about trying all these different things when you feel like a failure and it is hard not to have an emotional reaction to that.
eta and I am not saying for a minute to censor those who are pro breastfeeding and to be honest I haven't encountered it on BB either. I am very pro breastfeeding, just couldn't continue to do it myself this time just like Ali
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I agree Ali, sorry, you're right, this shouldn't be an anti-BF debate. But maybe you could help me... what should be said to women who choose to FF for reasons other than because BF is impossible? What should be said to the woman who doesn't want to BF because she believes it will make her breasts sag? Should we respect her misconception? I know that women like this are a tiny tiny tiny minority but still, what should be said?
Can I answer that? I don't think anything needs to be said. Perhaps this woman places a great deal of importance in her self image and that means a lot to her (just a theory). So if she is already ff why judge her and tell her she is wrong. At the end of the day it is her body and as a mother she has made a choice based on her circumstances.
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