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Thread: FF is not a crime

  1. #55

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    [QUOTEI agree Ali, sorry, you're right, this shouldn't be an anti-BF debate. But maybe you could help me... what should be said to women who choose to FF for reasons other than because BF is impossible? What should be said to the woman who doesn't want to BF because she believes it will make her breasts sag? Should we respect her misconception? I know that women like this are a tiny tiny tiny minority but still, what should be said?[/QUOTE]

    I also agree this shouldn't be a debate, seems to me someone just needed to vent how they often feel judge when out in public. Initially this was about FF wasn't it? I'm sorry I don't mean to come across rude, but it just saddens me again as it seems to have turned into a BF/FF debate. I am not against those who are Pro BF, even though I FF (for whatever reason, not anyone else's business) I am Pro BF too & do think everyone needs to be educated & so on. I don't have a problem with the Pro BF threads etc. But this was a FF thread.

    In regards to "what should be said" Nothing! that's the point of the thread I thought. I don't go around telling people why they should do something I don't agree with, it's not my business & often we don't have all the details. If someone was to ask your opinion, then certainly give it & stand up for what you believe in & be true to yourself, BF or FF. But many of us feel judged or left out, or have had things said to us in regards to FF & it isn't a CRIME so why say anything at all or give a dirty look if not warrented - I think that was the point of the thread.

    Sorry if I've got it wrong.


  2. #56

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    I feel like I'm judged when I'm FF the boi. At mothers' group, there was a lot of happy talk from the MCHN about BF but not much about FF. One day when I hosted the group here, I offered my pump to one of the mums to borrow to see if it helped her - the looks she gave me! She asked why I had a pump -to which I explained I was unable to BF and had offered Pip the boob, then topped with FF and expressed after every feed as well. My life then was a nightmare of feeding, changing, expressing, sterilising etc. But after 4 weeks of expressing I still wasn't getting more than a teaspoon of milk collected - and that was from both sides. After that her attitude changed slightly, to more understanding. She'd never said anything to me, but had assumed I didn't try.

    Similar to other mums, Pip just wasn't getting enough milk even in hospital - we had dry nappies then even though he was sucking to his heart's content - just not much swallowing. Unfortunately!

    About a month after I gave up trying to BF, mum mentioned that she wasn't able to BF me - no supply. I'm glad she didn't ingrain into me the idea of failure, I just wish she'd mentioned that she had "some troubles" earlier

  3. #57

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    Quote Originally Posted by Erin_25 View Post
    [QUOTEI agree Ali, sorry, you're right, this shouldn't be an anti-BF debate. But maybe you could help me... what should be said to women who choose to FF for reasons other than because BF is impossible? What should be said to the woman who doesn't want to BF because she believes it will make her breasts sag? Should we respect her misconception? I know that women like this are a tiny tiny tiny minority but still, what should be said?
    I also agree this shouldn't be a debate, seems to me someone just needed to vent how they often feel judge when out in public. Initially this was about FF wasn't it? I'm sorry I don't mean to come across rude, but it just saddens me again as it seems to have turned into a BF/FF debate. I am not against those who are Pro BF, even though I FF (for whatever reason, not anyone else's business) I am Pro BF too & do think everyone needs to be educated & so on. I don't have a problem with the Pro BF threads etc. But this was a FF thread.

    In regards to "what should be said" Nothing! that's the point of the thread I thought. I don't go around telling people why they should do something I don't agree with, it's not my business & often we don't have all the details. If someone was to ask your opinion, then certainly give it & stand up for what you believe in & be true to yourself, BF or FF. But many of us feel judged or left out, or have had things said to us in regards to FF & it isn't a CRIME so why say anything at all or give a dirty look if not warrented - I think that was the point of the thread.

    Sorry if I've got it wrong.[/quote]


    No erin , u got my whole point in 1 shot! I desperately wish that em would BF and recently I tried relactating, that worked but she just would not take the BB. My sister was the same at Em's age and so was my mum. we have a family history of happy starvers.

  4. #58

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    Ali - again, I'm with you 100%. I'm not anti bfeeding - far from it. I wish I could BF my DD. I starteed off not liking BF and then when it ended up I could no longer do it, I missed it dreadfully. Its such a special gift to be the only one who can nurture your child in such a personal way. I will certainly be trying to BF my next child and crossing everything it works.

    I FF for medical reasons. My DD has severe silent reflux, as well as being lactose and wheat intolerant. I tried absolutely everything to enable me to keep BF, but nothing worked so my DD is now on soy. Having said that, I don't believe I have any reason to have to justify myself to anyone for how I feed my child.

    My point about pro BFing women being difficult to deal with sometimes was not a negative towards women being educated as to the advantages of bfing. I personally have had comments from these people to the effect that formula feeding, particularly soy, can be detrimental to my child's health. I take huge exception to someone not only criticising my "choice" to FF, but then going on to say I am endangering my child's life. That is not just not acceptable.

    As for the question about what to say to a woman who doesn't BF because of vanity or whatever, leave her be. Its her child, her body and her choice. Provided a child is not being neglected, I don't believe any of us have a right to make comment (if asked for an opion obviously that's different). As someone else said (sorry - can't go back that far to check who!), some people feel they have a right to criticise from the minute we're pregnant and it just doesn't stop. We would all be much more confident as mothers if we were offered support and respect of our choices as to how we parent our children, not criticism
    Last edited by LuluHB; October 17th, 2007 at 09:04 PM.

  5. #59

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    My DS was born with a cleft lip and palate. I was told during the pregnancy that it was very unlikely that he would be able to BF. We did try when he was born but he could not physicaslly do it. He can't feed from a normal bottle either, he needs special feeding bottles. I did the whole expressing full time and bottle feeding ebm for as long as I could...I got to about 3 months but the amount of work (I barely had time to spend with him I was always attached to the pump, or storing milk , or sterilising etc etc) plus recurrent bouts of mastitis eventually made me change to FF. I feel comfortable with the deicison I made but I still feel the need to justify why I'm not BF when someone asks. In fact most people assume I am BF which leads me to have to say I'm FF and then I always feel I have to then tell them the whole story about my son.

    We all do the best we can and reading this post I think shows that most of us wish we were able to BF, all of us know the benefits of BF over FF and we have all made a difficult decision based on our individual circumstances. My son is thriving and therefore has been able to have his operations as early as possible. 20 years ago he would have had to be tube fed, now he can use a bottle. Funny thing is we would probably get less coments about FF if he had a tube...makes it more obvious he has a birth defect.
    Hugs to everyone. Our babies are all happy and healthy, whether BF or FF. We are all just mums doing the best we can for our babies.

  6. #60

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    I was lucky enough to BF for 10 weeks but then run out of milk so on the FF we went

    I dont know if its just me... but if I see ANYONE with a baby giving it a bottle or on the boob I try my damdest to catch thier eye and give them a BIG SMILE
    Why are us women so bloody judgemental to eachother.... WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER AS WOMEN!!!!

    .......... i am trying to shut up............... he he....

    At the end of the day when those women try giving you that look just give them either a BIG CHEESY GRIN.... or look them and thier kids up and down and they can know how it feels!! I know thats sooo immature :P but hey... sometimes people need to know how it feels

    Ok shutting up now :P

    Stay strong FFeeding mummies.... you have travelled a hard garden path to be comfy with where you are at... even if you didnt and just decided to FF its all about freedom of choice.... or are we just becoming a keep up with the Jones's society... pretty sad hey

    Ok definatley shutting up now :P
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
    Last edited by Shannon; October 18th, 2007 at 11:49 AM.

  7. #61

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    This thread is closed for editing purposes. In future please report posts rather than retaliating in the threads as it only makes it uncomfortable for other posters. This thread will reopen again shortly

  8. #62

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    Hello, just wanted to follow up on my earlier post here. I absolutely agree with you, FF is not a crime and no mother should be judged for their choice in nourishing her child. Period.

  9. #63

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    Well Girls, I do feel better knowing that I'm not the only one that has people feel like they have the right to say something that is not warranted. When the pro-bf advertising comes on I don't feel like it is anti-FF, I just feel sad that Em couldn't take what was intended for her. I have on many occasions had to ask people to move in the feeding rooms so I can sit and feed either of my children. It was more of an issue with Sarah as now I feel like I have more room in the food court to feed Em and actually sit down. Now I have the problem of getting Sarah to stay sitting in the pram as she can get out with the harness still done up, but that is another story. i do know a lot about BFing as I did a lot of research and had a lot of help, and now I am passing on my knowledge to the other girls in the August bubs thread. I'm glad that even though I am FF, I can help others to continue to BF so they don't have to carry everything around with them too. Thanks girls for all your support, and thanks mods for keeping ur eyes out for offensive posts. I did not intend this to be a debate, but I needed to vent to others in my situation.

  10. #64

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    Just thought i should re-visit this thread and give you an update. We found out that Em is Lactose intolerant, and severly so. she could not BF no matter how hard she tried. She is now just over 6 months old and has caught up and passed some in her age group. at 13 weeks she started losing wieght rapidly again and that is when we discovered the LI. I always try to congratulate the mums in the parents room that do things like BF or use cloth nappies, because they have decided to go against the 'norm' and persist with the way things probably should be. and good on them for ignoring the rude comments and looks! I try so hard to ignore the looks and comments now and have just had to say things like 'you are lucky he/she can do that! you dont have to carry as much [email protected]!'

    I am lucky that i have the suport of BB and the knowledge that i do, i would like to thank everyone for supporting me thru this tough time and i also want to let other mums, who have had this situation come up more recently, know that there is support there for you and not to feel guilty for giving it your best shot

  11. #65
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    Oh hun! I'm SO glad they figured out why poor Em wasn't doing so well with her feeding and tummy. Poor wee thing trying to eat all that time when the lactose was making her poorly. What a relief it must be for you now to know what the matter was and see her thriving and thriving

    Good on you for following your instincts and for going on being supportive to ALL the other mums around you. *mwa*!

    Bx

  12. #66
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    I agree that FF is not a crime. It's such a sensitive topic too.

    Madeleine is a FF baby and I've had people look down on me because of it. I started FF'ing Madeleine when she was a few weeks old because my nipples were cracked, bleeding and sore and I was crying at every feed. I saw an LC and I perservered but to no avail. I didn't wish to continue with it but praise all those women out there that are successfully able to BF! I certainly did not want to end up with depression, my baby is so important to me and I wanted to be a happy Mum.

    It really shocks me how people can judge so easily.

    Madeleine is really healthy and thriving and she's such a happy baby so that is all that matters to me.

    I believe if your baby has love, affection, a warm bed, lots of cuddles and a belly full of milk, then feeding is a small part of the rest of their lives. I was formula fed as my Mum's milk went out but I turned out ok and have an awesome relationship with my Mum!

    Life is short, be happy what you are doing and don't let others make you feel like you are making the wrong decision.
    Last edited by ~Belinda~; February 26th, 2008 at 10:57 AM.

  13. #67

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    My Twins were FF from Birth and so is my DD and they are perfectly healthy happy babies.

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