hi all, i'm a mother to a 3 week old baby boy. i breastfed throughout my entire stay in hospital (4 days) despite cracked, sore & bleeding nipples. needless to say, breastfeeding did not leave a very good impression! everyone always says "breast is best" and i think this is what fuels my guilt. due to my breastfeeding problems and low milk supply, i both formula & breastfeed my baby (more formula than breast). but i cant help but feel guilty formula feeding my newborn at such a young age as i had always thought i would breastfeed and am worried what other people would think of me. is there anyone else feeling this way or in the same situation? kinda need to be reassured that formula feeding is still good for my baby...
hi!
have u tried expressing??
i was in a very similar situation with dd 1 so when ds came along i didnt b/f i expressed and bottle fed from day 1 i never attached him- from fear i didnt want to experience wat i did wit dd with the pain ect. its ok to formula feed my dd is nearly 3 and is the smartest little cookie! ur baby has to be fed and u are doing ur best! there is nothing wrong wit formula, and as for people judging u they actually have no right so i wouldnt worry my love jus take one step at a time!!!
good luck
It sounds to me that you didn't get any support with breastfeeding and so you haven't failed to breastfeed the system has failed to support you. Did a lacation consultant come and see you while in hospital? did any of the midwives help you with breastfeeding or did they just get you to watch the video?
I am stealing parts of what I'm about to say from someone else I just can't think of their name. While breast may be preferred over formulae if you were to put a bunch of babies into a room it would be hard to pick the b/f ones over the formulae.
I guess you have a few options, you could try expressing and feeding that to bubs, you could go to formulae or if you do want to try to bf you could get in contact with the Australian Breastfeeding Association they might have a contact of a Lactation Consultant in your area who could come and help with attachment and see what else was causing your cracked nipples.
As for the guilt.... in those early months I felt guilty about anything, mummyguilt they call it. In the end if you are doing the best you can with the support and resources you have then you have nothing to be guilty about.
I agree with what oli's mrs said about expressing. BF-ing didn't work for me and expressing was great for a while. I expressed until DS was six weeks old when my supply dried up (mainly my fault), but I was glad I could give him breastmilk for that time.
The second is that since 6 weeks, my DS has been formula fed, and he has always been very happy and healthy. I know that's not any kind of conclusive evidence, and I too very definately had the 'breast is best' guilt, but fwiw, we are a case in point where FF has worked very well indeed.
Hun, If you want to BF, there is help available. BF can be hard. If you want to FF, that certainly does take a lot of the pain away, however once BF works well it can be more convenient. I FFeed my DD2. She couldn't tolerate my BM. I still feel that I failed her, but I know that it is not my fault. 'BF is best' is not meant to alienate formula mums, it is meant to reduce the number of FF mums, but the main thing is doing what is best for your whole family. Your mental health and your physical health are good reasons to FF if that is what you want to do but if you want to BF, then go and find a good Lactation Consultant that is IBCLC certified.
FF is still good for your baby. Your baby is being fed, that is what matters. It is not a crime to FF, and it is all a personal choice. Yes I am pro BFing, but I do know the need for formula, as DD has a medical need for it. Mummy guilt sucks doesnt it.
ETA: Waiting....
I BFed my DD1 until she got an ear infection, and then I weaned pretty much cold turkey. I regretted it after a week. If you dont want to give up completely, keep pumping, even if you dont get much, the stimulation will ensure you still have some supply.
Last edited by alioops; April 4th, 2009 at 04:13 PM.
: Note for Waiting...
I agree with everyone when they say that we as mothers feel guilt about everything.
I was in a similar situation to yourself and breastfed in hospital but when I came home I had a major breakdown and gave up breastfeeding so good on you for trying so long, you have done a great job!!
I think we all understand that breast is best but for myself formula was best and it took me a very long time to understand that. It took me awhile to realise that I have done the best thing for myself and my family and I would have not been a good mummy if I couldn't bond with my baby as i was heading down the road of PND.
You need to do what is best for you and your family and you can only know what that is. I have found that others are really supportive of my situation, I think I was the hardest on myself. Please dont feel guilty about this, whatever you decide is the best decision. If other people think badly of you well they can go and jump!
PB, congratulations on your new baby. The first weeks with a newborn are really hard, especially when's it your first. Every thing is new and confusing, and you are exhausted. Often no-one has told you where to get support if you need it. You sound like you are doing a really great job, but have been let down by not receiving the right information and support.
The thing now is to do decide what you want to do. It is still possible to breastfeed if you want to, and with the right help it can be done without pain (once the initial damage has healed). If this is what you want, I recommend you start by calling the ABA helpline on 1800 mum2mum. They can give you some initial information and hopefully recommend an IBCLC qualified Lactation Consultant in your area. The ABA call will not cost you anything and you don't have to be a member. An LC will cost money, but it's far cheaper than buying over time!
If this is not what you want, then that's ok. There is no doubt that when breastfeeding is possible that this is the best option. But when you have not received the right information and support from the beginning this can be a more difficult option, and if restarting is not something you are keen on doing then the right thing to do in your situation might be to continue just with the formula, or with some expressed milk and formula.
If you would like more information on the differences between breastfeeding and formula, I can give you more information, as can the ABA helpline.
Whatever you decide, it is difficult not to feel guilty. Mother guilt gets us whatever we do! But try to accept in your heart that you have made the right decision for you and your family in your situation. And that is the best that any of us can do.
Hey. I'm kind of in the same boat. My 4.5mth old has an ear infection and he's been having trouble sucking off me. I've tried expressing but it just doesnt get enough out. So I went and bought formula.
It's better to feed your baby something than nothing. If you continued to bf you and bubs would be stressed out and you wouldnt be able to let down and bubs wouldnt get anything anyway. You are doing the right thing and you shouldnt feel guilty. Dont let people make you feel bad because its not as if you didnt try. And if they keep wingeing about it show them your nipples. Thats the only solution I can come up with.
Good on you for trying Remember some mothers wouldnt have tried half as much as you so you should be proud
Formula feeding guilt...
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Mummy guilt sucks doesnt it.
Remember some mothers wouldnt have tried half as much as you so you should be proud 
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