PB, congratulations on your new baby. The first weeks with a newborn are really hard, especially when's it your first. Every thing is new and confusing, and you are exhausted. Often no-one has told you where to get support if you need it. You sound like you are doing a really great job, but have been let down by not receiving the right information and support.

The thing now is to do decide what you want to do. It is still possible to breastfeed if you want to, and with the right help it can be done without pain (once the initial damage has healed). If this is what you want, I recommend you start by calling the ABA helpline on 1800 mum2mum. They can give you some initial information and hopefully recommend an IBCLC qualified Lactation Consultant in your area. The ABA call will not cost you anything and you don't have to be a member. An LC will cost money, but it's far cheaper than buying over time!

If this is not what you want, then that's ok. There is no doubt that when breastfeeding is possible that this is the best option. But when you have not received the right information and support from the beginning this can be a more difficult option, and if restarting is not something you are keen on doing then the right thing to do in your situation might be to continue just with the formula, or with some expressed milk and formula.

If you would like more information on the differences between breastfeeding and formula, I can give you more information, as can the ABA helpline.

Whatever you decide, it is difficult not to feel guilty. Mother guilt gets us whatever we do! But try to accept in your heart that you have made the right decision for you and your family in your situation. And that is the best that any of us can do.