What happens to the sisterhood when you FF?

[Jakabella]

One of the main things that make FF mums feel like crap are when ppl say "formula feeding is dangerous and risky" Just stop and think about being told that how you feed your baby is risky and dengerous. It makes you feel like crap weather you have choosen it or had it forced apon you. Evey mum WANTS to do what is best for thier baby, I had no choice, Bella would have died. I get that it was out of my control and alot of other mums control - yep I get that breast is best. Many cant do that and when you already feel like a failure its a very very very hard thing to hear that they way you HAVE to feed your bub is dangeous and risky.

Kate

[Liz]

Just stop and think about being told that how you feed your baby is risky and dengerous. It makes you feel like crap weather you have choosen it or had it forced apon you.

I would feel the same as I do when people talk about the risks of immunising and I have my children immunised. I'm glad to know the risks that are involved. I'm not sticking my head in the sand about it and hoping no-one ever speaks of the risks of immunisations ever again.

[maz]

PEOPLE!!!!!! FFS

The part of BB is titled

FORMULA FEEDING DISCUSSION SUPPORT

PLEASE consider that before you post..man. Motherhood is hard enough without having to justify yourself in a section especially made for the stated reason

[Jakabella]

PEOPLE!!!!!! FFS

The part of BB is titled

FORMULA FEEDING DISCUSSION SUPPORT

PLEASE consider that before you post..man. Motherhood is hard enough without having to justify yourself in a section especially made for the stated reason

Well said Maz.

[BellyBelly]

I am going to close this thread as I have received numerous reports about it, but since I just found it this moment and read a few comments, I just wanted a chance to comment.

As I mentioned in the post of the specified thread, I had a very long, tiring and stressful day, both with the BB server and in my personal life in a big way, and I was trying to escape online and be positive, which failed dismally - I wasn't thinking straight but I did get online the next day and explain myself.

The feelings we create within ourselves, about anything in life, are our own self imposed feelings, our own reactions based on our past experiences and based on rules we set ourselves. Some people feel that they have failed when they choose formula. Some people are fine and know it's what the needed to do, water off a duck's back.

I have recently read a great book, 'Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self' by Lise Bourbeau and it talks about this. I take no offense to this thread because I know the poster has her own wounds (the way she feels) and the resulting behaviour, thoughts and actions are the 'mask' as they call it (which protects the wound that she feels). For those who feel like they have failed, at birth, breastfeeding or anything in life, I really recommend this book. I have been able to deal with my own and others emotions and feelings of failure, guilt, worthlessness, depression and all the rest that we hate living with. Who wants to keep going on in life feeling like this, carrying our wounds to the grave? I had an epidural once, I had a drip once. I tried formula before. But I don't feel like a failure. I did what I knew at the time.

All I can suggest from a practical level (for those who want to avoid it before it happens) is that if you have a goal for a normal, natural birth, or to breastfeed - then do your research and set yourself up for the best chance possible at that. For example, if you don't want a c/s, research says that you're 50% less likely to have a c/s with a doula and less likely if you homebirth. You are more likely to succeed at breastfeeding, less likely to have PND etc. It's up to you to choose options to give you the best chance at something important to you.

I believe BB provides a great platform for this and it's not about to change. It never will. It's empowering and educating where there is a major lack of it, in a time when doctors have more and more control over women and birth. It is challenging for some people what we talk about... but its amazing the life changing experiences some people have had as a result. The amount of times I have been thanked for being able to provide a platform to learn about certain things like doulas (loads of BB members have them now or are doulas themselves), vaginal breech birth or homebirth. Many people tell me they wouldn't have had or done these things without the help of BB, and are so grateful for the incredible experience they didn' t know existed before.

For those of you who weren't able to breastfeed for whatever reason, and they are all valid reasons, then you need to do something to help deal with the emotions it creates in you when you read these things or you will keep feeling negative, unsupported and like a faiure. The more you do this, it breeds more of the same, you attract more of it because you are hypervigilant to it. What you think about, you bring about. Your interpretations and what it creates in you is a result of an emotional wound not someone else's words. No matter what someone says to you in any walk of life, how you choose to react to it will effect your own feelings and emotional wellbeing. Yet it can be fixed and repaired so it never bothers you again... as the book says, you need to expose your wound for what it is - for example imagine a wound on your hand, wrapped up in a bandage... then when that bandage starts to come off, you need to stop pulling your wounded hand away and yelling that it hurts when someone tries to touch it - you need to allow it to be and retrain your thinking that this doesn't hurt and someone is just touching your hand.

Im sure I will make some people angry, especially those who are struggling to come to terms with how they feel and who have a brick wall up in defence. But think about the real reason you feel anger. I have not insulted, abused or flamed anyone in this or a previous thread. I have not been nasty or sworn at anyone or told anyone they are useless. Maybe inside you believe that, but I didnt tell you. Someone reacted to what I said and you just have to understand that we are all in control of our reactions and emotions and the sooner we realise that, the sooner we can be harmonious and comments will no longer effect us. Someone could tell me that babies who have had epidurals at birth have a shorter life span - well I wouldn't hate myself for it. I just didn't know, and I couldn't cope with the pain of the induction. In the same situation, I don't think I would have coped with the induction without an epidural even now. Personally I like my thoughts to be challenged, I like emotional growth and will never block the opportunity to do so.

People: We can choose to get angry and defensive or we can reflect and choose to prevent our ego from putting our mask up resulting in all these emotions and lashing out. Your choice.

Have a read of that book I suggested - it's life changing, especially if you are struggling with something in your life or an emotion that just keeps coming back up. Its empowering to have contol over that emotion.