pretty butterfly - you know i am still bf-ing bilby, so i can't say i have been in your shoes with this one.

but i did feel similarly with
- having a emergency c-section when i had my heart set on a drug free homebirth
- the post c-section complications that stopped me using slings/carriers

both where things i felt passionately about (just like you wanted to bf)
both where things that ended up, decided for me, out of my control
i felt like a failure in both instances
and constantly reading about
- successful home, drug free waterbirth stories
- mums using slings.carriers all the time
really did get under my skin.
i'm sure i read plenty of comments, from people doing these things, extolling their virtures, that put "salt in my wound".
They weren't to know my individual circumstances
How hard to tried to make these things happen, but they didn't

I have had a "journey" with bf-ing.
It wasn't easy.
So when i talk to women about bf-ing, i try to slip in "i feel very fortunate that i was able to do it (product milk) and that bilby was able to breastfeed (able to suck)". cos i DON"T take it dfor granted, either that we would be able to do it, or that every other woman is able to do it.

i see it as an IDEAL.
(just like the water home birth, and the using baby slings, were ideals for me also).

mothering seems like a lucky dip to me.
i researched and aimed at different things.

some worked out
(using cloth nappies, breastfeeding)
both took time, effort and constant learning

some didn't work out
(natural birth, slings, EC-ing)
regardless of how much i researched, life intervened.

so i really hope, none of my pro-bf-ing comments have upset you hon, to me, bf-ing is something to AIM for, something to TRY, but it is not suitable for every baby, not suitable for every mum, not suitable for every family (support from your dh and relatives is very important, to make a go of it i think).

if something i said upset you, please PM me, i would like the chance to explain, make it better, apologise etc.

i still feel devastated that i didn't have the natural birth experience, so much emotion attached to these things, so i get why you are upset about wanting to bf and things not working out, to carry out that wish/plan/desire.

Breast may be best, but formula was invented for a reason.
BF-ing is not always possible, and in those cases, babies still need to survive.
Formula is a brilliant invention for those instances.
i have met some mums in this boat, for whom it took a long time to find a formula that their bub's stomache could handle, so it's not an easy alternative. I know a particular bub whose mum tried a Holle organic formula and that one her tummy could handle.

Whether you feed formula way or breast way, you need support.

i've been dissed plenty of times FOR breastfeeding bilby. Very upsetting. Been told, ever since she was 5 months old, "Why isn't she on FF"? even by medical professionals!!

so WHATEVER you do, support is needed.

it seems, as soon as you have a child, EVERYONE and their dog feels like they can force their opinon on you! it's really hard! especially to cope with those words, when you are tired, overwhelmed with looking after a baby etc.

but people who love you, people who count, will think before they speak, take the time to find out WHY you are doing what you are doing. The truth is, whatever you do for your child, you HAVE thought about to the nth degree, you know your own history. i know it's exhauting explaining that to all and sundry. Choose your battles. Only explain it to people that it's worth explaining to (not just one-offs who you will never see again).

your child
your body
your decision

if it's too painful to talk about it, think of a comeback to use, to brush them off, or just change topic. "This is what works for us". "We tried our best, and this is what we need to do". whatever works/suits you to say.

you only have SO MUCH emotional energy, conserve it for things that matter (like explaining the situation to someone you WILL have an ongoing r;ship with, who really needs to know).

thinking of you.