WHY do we FF? **NOT A VENT THREAD**

[MrsFabuloso]

With DD, I bf/ff from birth. I had a long and difficult birth, haemmoraged, had pain relief drugs which made me and DD sleepy. The midwife asked if she could give her a bottle and I just couldn't be bothered arguing. I tried to bf once I felt a little more up to it and while she suckled, she had a terrible latch. I saw the LC and was forever calling the midwives to help me feed her. She absolutely shredded my nipples and I had blisters and cracks all over them. I pumped in hospital on the LC's advice, as well as being on motillium to help with milk supply (which was slow to come in as I was so badly anaemic, even after recieving 4 units of blood, from losing so much blood at birth), and one night I remember I fed DD then pumped and saw that the bottle was half full of blood. DD then projectile vomited blood everywhere. I was horrified, mortified and just so so sad. I stopped bf for a few days again at the suggestion of the LC to rest my nipples, so for those days DD was fully ff and so much happier. I started to try again to bf with nipple shield and the support of the LC, as well as DH. But DD wasn't a good sleeper. DH refused to have her in our bed and I was up all night trying to feed her enough. So I went back to ff, and would bf when I felt I could. I was a nervous wreack and crying all the time. I am pretty sure I had PND. It was really difficult, DD and I both got thrush, then mastitis. My bfing journey with DD was hell, but I persevered for 7 months with combine feeding, until I fell pg with DS and DD refused the breast totally. So I finally gave up. It was such a relief and such a sad day too. I so loved feeding my girl, but it was such a hellish time.

When I had DS, I was terrified of having similar issues, but we had a natural birth, he had a bit of a breast crawl at birth and suckled for about an hour when he was born. From then on, alothough I had sore, blistery nipples for a while, suffered 3 bouts of mastitis and one of thrush, I had a 16mth old toddler to care for too, and had to return to work 3 days a week when he was 5mths old, we had a wonderful easy bfing relationship, compared to DD's. We coslept from birth too which I think made a huge difference, plus DH was tremendously supportive and would take care of DD when he was home and left me to caring for DS, so I could sit on the lounge and feed him for an hour or two if necessary. We bf for 23 months

I'm praying with our next bub we have as much as succes as we had with DS, but if not, I will not hesitate to use formula again.

[Pretty Butterfly]

Some people made me feel like cr@p back then for stopping BFing, others asked why i had not put her on the bottle earlier.. you can't win either way....

Exactly... and how ridiculous. I have copped ridicule for b/f so long, for expressing, and then later on for using formula..... I mean if people want to be judemental, wish they would at least be consistant!!!

I used formula when DS 4 was 11 months old... I had stopped expressing as the meds I was on were only tested up to 6 months of use.. so after 6 months I stopped taking them and my milk dried up... I feel no guilt whatsover. I did the right thing for MY child, as do most parents!!

Great thread Maz... everyone deserves to tell there own story, b/f and ff alike!!

[Janie]

Kellie, your stories are such a wonderful example of the reasons things can sometimes go pear shaped, and some of the things that are most important in helping things to go right

[Rowellen]

Great thread Maz!

DS & I established BF really well and very easily. I felt so lucky. BUT life circumstances are not always perfect. I had to return to work with DH being a SAHD for financial reasons. I did try working from home when DS was 6 weeks old and feeding him on demand. It would take me 6 days to do 3 days work. It was incredibly stressful. We decided to try expressing. DH would feed DS a bottle of EBM and I would express when I could. It would take over an hour to express just 100ml when DS was downing double that in 10 mins. The result - more stress and very painful nipples. I ended up taking more time off work as I was so stressed. This time was the best. But we could simply not afford for me to take any more time off. When DS was 5 months, I returned to work. Due to the previous stress, I chose to give DS formula while I was at work and BF him whenever I was home. From that point on, my milk simply dried up. His last BF was at 8 months exactly. I had been persisting with a night time feed for weeks - each night ended in tears - mine & his. DS would suck and suck and suck until I felt like my nipples were falling off. Yet he still seemed hungry. And so the stress started again. Finally on the day he turned 8 months, I made the decision to give him a bottle after yet another night of torture. He downed the lot in 10 minutes. I never BF him again. I didn't even get a hint of becoming engorged - there was just no milk left. It was an incredibly tough decision to make and even now I have tears in my eyes. I really wanted to feed to 12 months.

I hate being made to feel that I didn't try hard enough. But my boy is very healthy, very happy and very loved.

[~clover~]

I'll add my stories

I had my DD1 at just 18. Quite young really. Well I think so now anyway, lol.
I always intended to BF my baby til about 6 months. I didn't think much about beyond 6 months, but thought if I could get there, great. I never intended on FF.
So when she was born & I had massive sharp pains in my nipple, I was less than prepared. After weeks of showing off my boob to be told I had perfect attachment etc I admitted defeat. Every cry she gave I was filled with dread. The thought of putting her mouth to my nipple just one more time had me in tears & terrified of the pain. I had no cracks, no redness, no thrush & no support.
I started expressing & feeding her ebm at about 6 weeks, but the never ending expressing & only getting 20 - 30 mls out just got too much. By 10 weeks I'd decided to FF her.

DD2 was born when I was 21. Again I wanted to BF. This time I didn't put a time frame on it. If I could do it, good. If not, oh well. I wasn't going to stress so hugely about it.
Things started out ok. The pain wasn't there... until week 4. I attached her wrong once & cracked my nipple. Then I finally got it healed up & that pain started.
I simply felt the failure & gave up. I thought there was nothing to be done. I couldn't do it.
Turns out I had thrush, but I didn't know that was what caused the pain til later.

2ish years later I fall pregnant with DS & find bellybelly. Suddenly there was a place to read about different BFing problems & how to fix them. When DS was born though, my computer had died, so I had no BB.
I started out BFing, & the pain was there, yet again. I pushed as hard as I could to keep going. At 6 weeks I'd been feeding him FF for 3 days straight. It was breaking my heart.
I rang my mchn on the verge of a breakdown. I couldn't fail another child. I had already suffered PND twice, I would not let this get me again.
When the mchn got to my house I was in tears. I didn't know what to do. She told me she was there to support me no matter which way I went, & I told her I couldn't fail again.

This is where my life changed. She called a LC for me. The LC & I chatted over the phone & she suggested I put a warm face washer on my nipple before a feed. I tried it & it worked. There was no pain! That was the way I found out I have vasospasm.

We passed 6 weeks & kept going for 23 months!

I have successfully BF one child, & working on the second one. Now I know that there is help & support out there & where to go to get it. Being young, with no support or recourses makes it so difficult. My mum had the same problem, so didn't BF any of us beyond 2 weeks.

Noone even told me lactation consultants exist before DS & BB. Noone wanted to go beyond the call of duty to help me. Once I found all that out I was so disappointed. I'd been so happy with my mchn til then.

This time I have a LC I can call anytime. She is a midwife at the local hospital & is only 10 minutes away. I'm so greatful I know that this time around. I still feel like I need to fight to get beyond that 6 weeks, but I'm hoping this one is my easiest journey so far.

[Glamourcide]

Awesome thread, Maz Thanks so much for sharing your stories, and to all of the other posters who have shared theirs

Mine goes a bit like this:
DD1 was born after a 4-hour induced labour with synto and ARM. I went from 0-10cm in under ten minutes and so the four hours was all pushing. As she was delivered, I began bleeding and ended up losing over 3L of blood, was bedridden for over 24 hours with needles stuck in both arms and my right hand, and was so sore and exhausted I could barely move. I could hardly hold DD1 to feed her, and because of the blood loss she was 'latched' (incorrectly, despite several midwives telling me it 'looked fine') onto each breast for 2 out of every 3 hours, and still not getting anything. Within 24 hours of her being born, my nipples were cracked, bleeding, raw, and so sore I would burst into tears as soon as DD1 started crying because I knew the excruciating pain that was to follow.
After 3 days we went home, still unable to latch and not even a drop of colostrum from me, the midwives had ended up giving her formula to let me get some sleep. On our way home, we stopped at Priceline and bought bottles, nipple shields, a manual pump and a few sachets of formula to 'get us through'. Despite my best efforts, I could not get a supply of milk up and had no local resources (LC's, ABA etc) to help me establish BFing. I expressed around the clock for 6 weeks, topping up with formula, until I reached my breaking point and threw it in.
I don't regret it. I don't feel bad about it at all. I have never felt guilty about not being able to BF DD1 because I know I was let down by a series of circumstances that, at the time, I simply had no way of overcoming. Yes, I was uneducated. Yes, there is a chance I *might* have been able to establish a supply despite the early struggle, had I had access to caring professionals and the right resources. But I didn't, so I FF'd because I simply had to, and that's okay with me and DD1

DD2 was a spontaneous labour, no bleeding, and attached perfectly to my breast before her cord was even clamped. I had done my homework this time around, knowing just how wrong things could go, and had a plan of attack - but it wasn't needed. I wanted to feed straight away, and I got to - I truly believe that this was a key factor in being able to establish a supply. DD2's attachment was absolutely perfect right from the get-go and I never had to 'teach' her, unlike DD1. I had learned more about how babies feed from the breast, and 'went by feel' for the most part - feeding whenever, wherever DD2 wanted to, offering the breast as a comfort to help keep my supply up, co-sleeping so I managed to get largely unbroken sleep during the night... it was wonderful. We breastfed with barely a hiccup for nearly 6 months, and then I got sick and started losing my supply. A sad coincidence, but at the same time, DD2 was teething and was alternately biting (a habit she still persists with to this day, no amount of 'training' would stop her from nearly tearing my nipple off) and refusing the breast. My supply was dropping and I was in quite a lot of pain from biting wounds, so we started topping up with formula and giving BFs to put her down for naps/at night. She took to the bottle like an absolute champ (where she had completely refused it before then) and I decided that she had made up my mind for me. I gave her the occasional 'bonding' BF every so often for a few more weeks, but by the time she was 6.5 months I had completely dried up and she was loving her formula.
I don't feel bad - again, I *might* have been able to BF longer had I persevered. But at that time, it just wasn't right for us, so we did what worked and have never worried about it. She is healthy, chubby, happy and I'm a happy mama.

Formula's not all bad, provided mums have all the resources and info and support they need to do what's right for them. Everyone's path is a different one to walk and if we can't (or don't want to) persist with BFing when it's not a fulfilling relationship, we shouldn't feel pressured to. One thing I love about BB is the fact that most of us recognise this and will offer support and help for mums who are struggling with BFing but want to continue, and on the other hand, will also offer our support to mums who feel they've hit a brick wall and are just wasting time and energy on continuing

[ShootingStar]

DS.. i breastfed for 9 days i think it was.. was in complete agony and he was wanting to feed every minute he was awake. I hated it.

DD.. breastfed for 3 days.. i just hated it. Didnt like one minute of it.

Both my kids while i was breastfeeding them, every minute i held them all they would do is look for boob. Really off putting and upset me that i couldnt just cuddle them and them enjoy me too. Best decision i ever made.

[ShootingStar]

double post

[Party-of-five]

I tried to BF 3 times I had all the help and knowledge I could muster but the pain in my boobs and the pain in my head was more than I could handle so I did what was best for ME and I FF all three of my babies. At the time I felt like a failure but looking back now I know I have failed no one
I applaud everyone for feeding and nurturing their babies the best way THEY can
Great thread

[nickle730]

I have had two breast reductions (one when I was 17 and revision surgery and further reduction at 22). After the second surgery, the surgeon informed me that my ducts appeared intact and that my chances of BF were quite good. I had my DD when I was 26. The MW came to assist with DD's first feed, took one look at my boobs and said 'I'll be back in a minute'. She returned with a bottle of formula and said 'here, you'll need this'. She (and several other MW's) told me that there was no point trying to BF as I would never be successful given I had had surgery. One MW INSISTED that I had to BF DD and told me that I was a 'bad mother' for not trying, she then proceeded to pull up my top and forcefully and quite violently attach DD to my breast. By the time I came home I was so confused that when the MCHN asked me if I was BF or FF I burst into tears and cried 'I don't knoooow!!' She encouraged me to continue with the FF as that was already established so that's what I did. I was very uneducated and quite overwhelmed.

When DS was born, I had educated myself and armed myself with literature proving that it IS possible for women to lactate after surgery. Again, I had a bottle shoved at me but I refused it and asked the MW's to read the literature I had with me. I had determined that I would comp FF only when my DS's demand outstripped my supply. I had him weighed every second day and was vigilant about his urinary output. However, things were complicated by the fact that my DS was born with serious renal problems and I could not risk him becoming dehydrated. When he was 10 days old he would not settle, his urine output had decreased and he had not gained any weight for a couple of days. I decided that I could not risk his renal health and comp fed him with formula from then. My DS was a booby lover and we continued to BF until he was about 3 months old, although it was mostly for comfort.

I am pg again and I intend to BF this baby for as long as I can. I have already spoken to my ob about prescribing motilium this time to try to increase my supply and I am also better educated about natural galactalogues. I have also invested in an electric breast pump (my arm almost fell off with the old manual one)!! However, I am very realistic about the likelihood that I will have to comp feed again - and I'm OK with that. My success will not be defined by how long I BF for or whether I have to use formula to feed my baby, but by the knowledge that I have done the best that I could.

I congratulate all of you lovely ladies - those who BF, those who FF and those who use a combination of both - on your well fed, much loved babies!

[trishalishous]

I have combination fed DD from the start.
After I lost over 2L of blood during delivery my colostrum disappeared. it came back day 6 and my milk came in day 10.
DD was given formula by the hospital as she was losing weight, she lost 1kg in the 2 weeks we stayed.
I expressed what little I could and topped up with formula. I was expressing every 2 hours, 4hrs overnight (until DD was 8 weeks old)
Once we were discharged we tried and tried, but DD had HUGE problems attaching so I kept expressing and top-ups.
Then the midwife came around and said "have you tried nipple shields?"
BANG! we attached and I had a booby monster.
(it WAS hard though, and I kept saying that Id try to 4 weeks, then 6 weeks, then 8, and things were so much easier as DD grew stronger)
I took/take meds constantly as well as vitamins for boost my iron levels (Im still low/anemic after 5 months) and was feeding DD except for one expressed bottle every morning.
Then her weight kept dropping.
At her 8 week check up, I was allowed off bed rest, and the doc suggested giving her two small bottles a day (ebm if I could, then formula to fill the bottle) to help her gain weight, as she was failure to thrive.
So we did that until her 19week checkup where her weight stabilized yay!
Now DH gives her 30 mls formula and 100mls ebm (i still express every morning after feeding) before bed, and will keep going till the formula tins empty.
Ive had 5 transfusions and will be on meds until she starts solids (or even till she weans) as my body is struggling to make milk still.
I know how hard it can be but I did have a few advantages that many women dont
- DH left work when I was 32 weeks preg as I needed bedrest, and is only back 2 days a week now (DDs 5 months)
- My fil is a gp and had all the contacts plus gives me the prescriptions
- My mums Friend is a lactation consultant for the ABA
- My sister/nana will pop around to hold miss E so I can sleep if DH is working

So Ive been very fortunate!

[Rouge]

I formula fed because I was ill-informed by a paed, who told me DD's green poo was gastro due to lactose intolerance (which it wasn't). I formula fed because I didn't learn how to attach properly. I formula fed because I wasn't experienced and when DD cried when I put her to the boob I thought I had done something wrong, I didn't know it was normal, I didn't know it was part of helping the milk supply grow to her needs. I formula fed because I was not confident enough and I was stressed. I formula fed because by the end of it she was so upset when I put her to the boob because of how stressed I was, how stressed she was, the confusion she had with swapping to the bottle and the immense freedom I felt during that week I bottle fed her "for gastro" I would be lying if I didn't say it wasn't seducing me in the back of my mind telling me how easy it was. Well it wasn't easy when 2 weeks later I looked at my bottle feeding baby and realised all the closeness I was missing out on. Basically? I formula fed because I was secretly looking for an out, of course I wasn't hoping she had gastro, and I didn't listen to my paed because I wanted an out but I'm sure if I think deep down hard enough I was excited about having the break for that week. Had I known it would be in effect the end of our breastfeeding journey I would have said no. I knew I had to own my feelings, without guilt in order to learn and move on. I knew I had to be ok that at that time I wasn't ready for breastfeeding emotionally or mentally. I wasn't ready for the struggle and that's ok. But I was up for the challenge the second time and it was fantastic. I had the best experience. The only thing that sucked was in my experience the negativity towards breastfeeding. I was so proud of my achievement and very rarely did I feel that others shared my joy, instead people assumed that I hated on people who bottle fed... which I never did. I was there once, but no one stopped to ask and were nasty instead. And ironically the hate that others received when bottlefeeding... I never had. Not once. Not even from my pro-breastfeeding SIL. I guess everyone's journey is different and this is my own, but I grew a lot from baby 1 to baby 2 and I am so grateful to those friends and family who spurred me on and supported me when I was down and never ever let me give in to those thoughts that crept into my head at 2 am when I had a screaming baby who would not feed. And thank you to all those friends and family members who never judged me because I chose to bottlefeed.

[Purple Penguin]

DD#1 - Went onto formula after 6 days, after a 20 hour labour that ended in an emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia/hypertension and her going into distress. My milk never came in, I was able to express colostrum and possibly could have kept trying, but I didn't know that and had no support. We put her on formula because she was very dehydrated, sleepy and losing weight.

DD#2 - I went straight to FF because I was so traumatised from my first experience. I battled for a long time with being ok with it all, I did my research and gathered all my info that I needed and I was going to try Exclusive expressing but changed my mind at the last minute because I was having anxiety attacks just thinking about it. I was scared of failing again.

[~Minny~]

Great thread!

DD i was in labour for 17.5hrs before she went into distress and was rushed in for an emergency ceaser, she took to the breast great in the beginning but refused as nothing was coming out. Milk ended up coming in on day 5! By then she just wasnt interested at all, it took 4 weeks of trying to feed at the breast first and then try to express with a screaming hungry baby so she had something to eat she was also wanting to feed every 2hrs 24hrs a day no big stretches. I managed to get her on the boob around 4 weeks where she would still feed every 2 hrs all day and night but would also take 1.5hrs to feed then half an our later we would start over again.
After 7 weeks of this i snapped and fed her a bottle of formula, i wasnt copping i was starting to resent her even being near me, the lack of sleep was the most awful thing! She slept for 5 hrs straight after her first bottle! (mind you i could express 200 + mls in one sitting no probs)

DS has been pretty cruisy so far thankfully i havent really had any problems other than teeth :S but he loves his boob and i couldnt be more happier to feed him.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Firstly great thread Maz

I have been sitting here for a while thinking about this question while reading everybody's experiences and i have come to this conclusion: I didn't choose how i was going to feed her. Remembering back as soon as Miss K was born she was given a small bottle of formula i wasn't given the opportunity to feed her, i was bleeding quite a bit so i had 2 midwives around me one was talking to me the other pushing down on my belly to control the blood loss, then the doctor came in to stitch me up. I think thats why i chose the FF road. But then when my milk came in the midwife who came out to see me said i could try if i wanted, i wasn't offered real support and because i was so uneducated on it and to be honest scared that i would fail i continued with FF. For weeks Miss K would try and suck on my boobs she knew thats what she had to do but i just stopped her, it hurt because she had that strong instinct.

I am content with the way i am feeding her, even though the formula she is on is quite expensive it works for us and she is a very healthy baby girl.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

double post

[Kazmar]

Firstly great thread Maz

I have been sitting here for a while thinking about this question while reading everybody's experiences and i have come to this conclusion: I didn't choose how i was going to feed her. Remembering back as soon as Miss K was born she was given a small bottle of formula i wasn't given the opportunity to feed her, i was bleeding quite a bit so i had 2 midwives around me one was talking to me the other pushing down on my belly to control the blood loss, then the doctor came in to stitch me up. I think thats why i chose the FF road. But then when my milk came in the midwife who came out to see me said i could try if i wanted, i wasn't offered real support and because i was so uneducated on it and to be honest scared that i would fail i continued with FF. For weeks Miss K would try and suck on my boobs she knew thats what she had to do but i just stopped her, it hurt because she had that strong instinct.

I am content with the way i am feeding her, even though the formula she is on is quite expensive it works for us and she is a very healthy baby girl.

My I just for you. The girl a few weeks ago would get very offened about this ff talk. Now the woman who posts atm, is a pleasure to read Seems asthough you are truely taking in what the bb community has to offer

Also I got a little teary at the thought of my baby trying to booby feed, but feeling the urge to not let her. That would be heartbreaking. Good luck with bubba number 2

[maz]

I thank each and every one of you for coming forward and allowing others to see the internal struggles we have / had FFing our children.

I hope that those who think negetively of FF mothers have now been enlightened by our stories and can view mothers in all the same light..maybe different shades and colours, but the main thing as that the light is on and shining brightly.