Having my gay friends baby?

[LimeSlice]

How exactly do you think the 'trying for a baby' part will work?

[Phteven]

You're 18 and he's your boss. There is a huge power imbalance right there.
You have your whole life to have babies. Your bosses situation might make you sad but he is not your responsibility.

[Trillian]

I think the bigger question is, are you ready to be a mother? This wouldn't be as simple as having your gay boss' baby. This would be a lifetime of commitment for you and what exactly would the roles be? Would he expect you to hand over full custody of the child for him to raise or would he expect you to raise the baby (and suffer financial penalty from not working for potentially the next 5-6 years) and he just be a weekend dad? Would he pay child support? Would you try to conceive this baby the 'old fashioned' way or through IVF? Who would pay for the IVF? (Which can cost 10's of thousands of dollars). Would you even be prepared to go through the hormonal and emotional upheaval that IVF places on the body? What about when you are older and you meet someone else - having a child with someone creates a whole lot of history that you then have to take with you into future relationships.

And then there is the fact that he is your boss and is a lot older and that inherently means he has power over you. he is only 33. As a man, he still has plenty of time to become a father with someone who is better equipped to deal with the complex nature of what he is asking you to do. It sounds to me like he's groomed you for this. I would bet good money on him dropping your friendship like a ****ty rag if you turned down his offer.

[Mumma T]

It sounds to me like he's groomed you for this. I would bet good money on him dropping your friendship like a ****ty rag if you turned down his offer.

This is what I immediately thought.

You could suggest looking at the topic again in another 5-7 years. That will allow you time to enjoy being a young adult before becoming a mother. It will also show if he is likely to be someone that will stick around. At 19 my DP at the time wanted marriage and babies, I suggested waiting til I was 21 - well he didn't stick around til then and I am forever grateful for suggesting this.

I personally would be steering clear of this man completely as something just doesn't sit right about the situation.

[*Efjay*]

If you are honest with yourself, do you think you have feelings for this man the extend beyond friendship?

Have you been in a serious relationship before? His age & professional status in your life is one thing, but for me your age is the deal breaker. Dont get me wrong I have no problem at all with a couple planning a family at a young age. But you are basically setting your self up (on purpose) to be a single Mum.

[diannescruffy]

If you were my daughter I would have some major concerns, you have your whole life ahead of you. It sounds like you feel sorry for this man and giving him a baby will make him happy. There are so many issues you need to consider and the ladies here have given some great advice.

Regards,
Dianne

[Cass72]

No, no, no.

There are so many issues here that are wrong.

For starters, he is 33, you are 18. He is your boss. You are only friends, indeed you didn't know him until recently. He is gay. Are you in some way hoping that he will "change" for you? That is not fair to him or to you. How are you going to try for this baby? Presumably if he's gay he won't really want to try the old fashioned way.

What if you met someone? What if he met someone (he's only 33 for goodness sake - I met my wonderful husband at 35 and we had our first child together at 38)?

Have you thought about the legalities? Who gets custody of the baby? Who is going to pay/support the baby?

Don't rush into this. You need some time for yourself to think things through fully. Are you able to speak with your mother, a sister, aunt, grandmother perhaps or is there someone else who you can trust?