Having my gay friends baby?

[LionsandBears]

If you are interested in being a gestational surrogate or egg donor, that's one thing. There are a number of forums that could help you with that. The process involves various medical tests and counselling as well as legal issues.

If you're thinking of getting a pregnant because you want a baby, then there are a number of options there: including boyfriend/fiancé/husband, sperm donation. A one night stand is also an options but involves an enormous risk to your health/life as well as putting another human being in an awful situation. That's just the bloke, let alone the child. Then there's the lifelong responsibility to the child.

If you're thinking of conceiving a child with your gay friend because you fell sorry for him/ want to rescue him from childlessness/ feel obligated, then the issue you're most likely dealing with is codependency. Which is your own stuff that you need to work on, rather than bringing a new soul into the world as an expression of your need to be needed. A human being is not an object you can gift someone. Any child is an individual with rights of their own; you will then have a responsibilty towards for the rest of your life. That means having a relationship, good or bad, with this man as well. As many single mums can tell you, there is a special hell called child support and trying to raise a child when a relationship breaks up.

What are you planning on doing? Have sex with your gay boss who you're planning on moving in with? That crosses the lines of so many boundaries it's not funny. Even if you use insemination, you'll both want to get tested for diseases and then get tested again six months down the track before going ahead with it. Can you trust him to use condoms during all forms of sex in that period?

have you discussed this with your parents, siblings or close friends? What do they say? If you don't have that kind of support, I would suggest you seek counselling before even making this kind of offer. With all kindness, I would suggest you seek counselling anyway. It sounds to me like don't have the best understanding of boundaries and self-respect. In the meantime, it may be worth your while researching co-dependency and seeing if you fit the description.

ETA - other things to consider include the effect of pregnancy and birth on your own physical and mental health. I'm not saying this to scare you, but because these are some of the realities many women face. How might the two of you handle possible infertility, miscarriage, hyperemesis gravidarum, pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, poor prenatal diagnosis (ie. a baby with a severe abnormality), antenatal and/or post natal depression, SPD, cholestasis of pregnancy, birth and all it's variations and risks, prolapse, fistula, haemorrhage, infection. These things can and do happen to many women. It's one thing to undertake these risks because you want to birth and raise a soul, it's another thing to risk this for a man nearly twice your age who may well be grooming you for this.

Who will pay the bills? If he's already struggling to pay the rent, then what happens when he has a baby and you to support? What happens if things go pear shaped and he fights for custody?