Hi B& L,
firstly ill reply to the bit that Beth mentioned "I have spoken to other women who have used their partner's eggs, and they were a bit cold towards me when I was asking them questions about how it all worked. But they had done it at the end of very long difficult fertility treatments, as an only option to fall pregnant. I got the impression they thought I was being silly and just "playing house" trying to create an idealistic family."
I guess women in general become cynical and annoyed sometimes when people ask questions - from where I stand questions are the only way to educate people - so I was always fine with questions. But I guess from talking to other lesbians in the community around the nation - there is some annoyance at the idealistic attitudes of some women trying to create "ideal" families.
What always helped me was trying to look at it from "what is in the best interests of the child?" - somethings work for some women and some things don't - however you MUST consider what will happen to your child if your relationship breaks down. My advice to women from past experience is to document everything - go and see a lawyer and draw up an agreement between yourself and your partner and the donor if there is one - and you want him to have contact with the child regularly or otherwise. You can do this for free if you feel you have the knowledge by lodging Orders by Consent with the Family Court of Australia.
Beth is correct - you can not put your partners name on the birth certificate in all states and territories. Births, Deaths and Marriages are a State jurisdiction not a Commonwealth one - so Orders by Consent are the best way to document your intentions at the time the baby is born between yourself and your partner - if the event that your relationship breaks down. If you use a known donor - go and see a lawyer and draw up an agreement - and include every detail that you want included. Do NOT leave anything to chance. Things do not always end well and not everyone stays friends - sure people start out with the right intentions but when a baby arrives - people become very determined to do it their way.
I have seen many lesbian women leave it to chance and lose heavily. Finanically and with regard to children - not everything ends as you initally intended.
When you make your decisions ensure that you will be happy with that decision if the relationship breaks down - and if you have reservations - go back to the drawing board. This is especially relevant with regard to a known donor. Don't take risks on the permise that it "will be ok!" It is too late once the "deed" is done.
With regard to Medicare and Centrelink - you need to be correctly informed. I know women who have had to jump through hoops with Centrelink in order to get the Baby Bonus and the FTB etc - when they have used a known donor. It is a mindfield to navigate and not everyone in the Australian community is as progressive as we would like them to be. I have encountered numerous situations where people have been discriminated against - by saying that they used a known donor - myself included.
My only advice is be very careful - we all begin with the same intentions - but not always do things go to plan - and sometimes things change.
I have used a known donor and have also been through IVF and IUI through a clinic - on different occasions. All options have their negatives and positives. The difficulty is navigating your way through the minefield - and coming out the other side with an option that everyone is happy with.
Best of luck - this is onyl advice that i have learned along the way - I hope it assists someone.
Cheers
Levi
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