That's exactly how I feel! I suspect we will take the same approach with my DDs.I just don't even make an issue as I want my children to not even bat an eye lid at same sex relationships.
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That's exactly how I feel! I suspect we will take the same approach with my DDs.I just don't even make an issue as I want my children to not even bat an eye lid at same sex relationships.
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
Marydean... Shel and I are actually having to think about this now. Not so much with our families, even though Shels sister has three girls (15, 13 and 10) it has always been known to them, and actually they were a part of our TTC, asking us if we knew yet etc, and are very excited about having a cousin (and have never question that it would be there cousin, even though I am the tummy mummy).
I did have one awkward moment, I had just moved in with Shel, and I was looking after our two youngest neices and the youngest (8 at the time) said "where do you sleep", and her sister burst out laughing and said "yeah where do you sleep" (she's a cheeky one I tell ya!), so not making a big deal about it I said "In there" (pointed to the bedroom) and then she says "But where does Shel sleep?" and I said "She sleeps in there with me"... I just got a "oh, ok!" (all the while the other one is giggling!).
We've never actually talked about it with them, not made a big deal out of it, and if the girls ever asked any questions we'd answer openly and honestly (age appropriately of course!), and not make a big deal about it as we feel this is the best avenue to take. As a result the girls don't even see it as anything different or abnormal, they're such lovely tolerant young ladies and I am proud of them!
We ARE dealing with this with some of our friends children though. Our friends have always told their kids that Shel and I are just special friends, and thats their decision as its their kids. We are very conscious not to 'parade it' in front of them, as thats what their parents want and I respect that (her kids are 10, 8, 3 and 6 months). But now its a bit harder with a baby in the picture, and our friend is now worrying that she's going to have to explain everything, so I have ordered some books for her to help explain it. I do agree that the best way is to treat it as though its not a big deal, and just answer questions honestly as they come up, but these books are also GREAT to have on hand when explaining it to kids as sometimes tongue tie can happen, and you're not quite sure exactly what needs to be explained (as the only difference between gay and staright relationships are what happens in the bedroom, and thats not always the right thing to explain!!!!!!!!!!).
Here are some great titles... (you can get them from http://www.feministbookshop.com or Hares Hyenas queer bookshop or Amazon.com)
'Duke Who Outlawed Jellybeans' by Johnny Valentine (This one is EXCELLENT... its a collection of fairytales with gay and lesbian characters, really helps to 'normalise' gay and lesbians and same-sex relationships by not making a big deal out of it)
'Mummy Never Told Me' by Babette Cole (deal with many issues that parents amy not be comfortable explaining without the book, like why some woman love other woman)
Anything by Brenna and Vicky Harding
'Crabbing at High Tide' by Paul Ishiguchi (a picture book about a child and his dad going crabbing with their two gay uncles; helps explain that people in same-sex relationships are still the same people that they were before they 'came out').
'King and King' by Linda de Haan
'Molly's Family by Nancy Garden
'Daddy's roomate' by Michael Willhoite (Straightforward explanation of parents divorce and a new partner moving in with Daddy. The partner happens to be male and their relationship is 'just one more kind of love'.)
Hope this helps!!!!
I also wanted to write, just as a side note, to butterfly*kisses... I understand your resentment to your parents. I had a similar upbringing (minus the lesbian mother, my parents are straight and still married), and as a result I suffered anorexia for 7 years, numerous hospital visits and suicide attempts, and finally escaped that when I moved out of home... I can kind of understand that you attribute this to your mothers sexuality, because it is probably a major part of her life, though I really wanted to say that I really don't think it was her sexuality that caused any of that (I'm sure you know this, but don't be offended... I am a little shocked that you are biased against lesbian and gay couples having children, when ANY person can harm their child and their sexuality is usually never a part of that). I hope you are able to accept that any couple can respect and raise a happy, well adjusted child, just like any couple can harm a child, regardless of sexuality. I kow I hold prejduices based on experiences as well, some of which I hate and I feel very guilty for so please don't think I don't understand or that I am attacking you for venting or being open about your situation. I guess I just needed to stand forward and separate myself from the experiences you had with your mother, and hope that one day you are able to move past your prejudices against gay and lesbian parents.
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
MD, congrats to your sister for having to courage to be herself.
My mum announced she was a lesbian when I was 18. I did suspect it for a while because about 6 months prior she cut her hair short and started hanging out with a lesbian lady from work. I was at uni by then so it didn't really affect me but my brother was still living at home and was 13 at the time. When she called to tell me I asked how he was reacting to the news and she said he was fine, still cuddling up to her on the couch to watch t.v etc.
I don't have a problem with gay people but I am ashamed to say that when I was home for holidays and a lady friend came over I retreated to my room. I just couldn't watch my mum canoodle with another woman.
After a couple of years dating woman she realised that a man friend was the one for her and is now married to a really cool guy.
I haven't ever talked to her about her sexuality but can only assume that she is bisexual.
Two of my best friends are gay. I am planning to let Will know as he grows that men love ladies and sometimes other men, hopefully he will just accept it if he grows up with it being the norm.
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Thank you for this list!!! I was just about to start hunting for some children's books like this for my pre-school teacher & parenting kit
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hi, my DH's best friend from grade 5 is gay, he and his partner (now they are married they had a commitment ceremony late last year which was beutiful - i was the 'best man'!) have been a big part of our lives including, of course, our kids. Josh who is nearly 13 asked about their relationship when he was about 5 i think the conversation went like this:
J: Mum are A & R brothers like me and Zak?
Me: No josh they are lovers like Dad and me.
J:What does that mean?
Me: Well it means they love each other like Dad and i love each other.
J: oh they love each other like you and Dad.
Me: that's right Josh.
That was how Josh found out about different kinds of families and how love can be found between men and women, men and men and women and women. DH and i hadn't even thought about it much it was just another normal friendship and when josh picked it up we answered his questions and moved on really. Eventually Zak picked up that they weren't what he saw alot of but i think that kids acceptance of situations, if treated normally, is usually easy and matter of factly. kids pick up on how their parents react and responded similiarly, positively or negatively, depending on the parents reaction. anyway that's my 2 cents worth.
beckles
Registered User
Thanks everyone for your fantastic & considered replies. The consensus seems to be, as I suspected, to answer any questions as matter as factly as possible without making a big deal out of it. Leasha, that's an excellent list of resources, thanks very much for that.
Arte, yep I'm pretty proud of my sister and delighted that she can now step up for the happiness that she deserves!
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