Aspergers in Adults - A place to chat

[Professor]

and there I was, thinking the rest of the world was the one with the problem, cos they couldn't cope with my brilliance...

Suddenly my school years make a lot more sense. I know I have the tendency to use my vast knowledge and intellect to 'lord' it over people, and find it difficult to accept that I may not be right. Because of that, I feel like I generate resentment in others, especially my peers, and so the bullying, and the social isolation I received in return seem almost appropriate.

Believe me, i have done a ton of thinking on this over the last 15 years. As i have gotten older, i have learned to accept that there are things that i don't know, or that others know better than i do. this makes me more willing to listen, but i am finding through this discussion, and through the things Keike is reading to me, that there are a lot more issues i have still to work on.

[RainbowBrite]

I have read a lot on Aspergers and I have many of the traits, it makes a lot of sense to me and explains a lot of the feelings I had growing up.
I have always been very awkward socially...not knowing how to act, if I am saying the right thing. Ihave always felt very out of place.
Even at school I had trouble making friends and felt I never fitted in....I was extremely shy and still am.
I avoid many social situations because it leaves me exhausted and doubting myself.
I was forever disappearing into my own world as a child. It was something that did not go unnoticed by my teachers and is on many a report card.
I was kept down in year one because of my lack of social skills...but then skipped year three and caught up to my peers on an educational level.
I very often get caught up in things that I am doing and I put my all into it. If I pull apart a computer I will not rest until I get it all put back together and working.
I am intelligent and am articulate but have a very hard time communicating through writing...my brain works far to fast for my hands and I miss words or write the wrong words and I feel I come across the wrong way.
Some post can take me a long time to write because I have to write and re-write many times.
I am an oddball
I am not sure if I have aspergers but I just know that reading the traits makes me feel like I 'fit in' some where. That there may be a reason I am like I am.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

My sister diagnosed me as an Aspie just over a year ago. She's right - I was Queen of the Aspies as teen. However, that was "wrong" in my mother's eyes so I learnt how to shut up and suck up the social scene "correctly". It is a case of yes, I can understand and empathise with people - when I can be bothered. Most of the time sociability is too much of an effort.

And yet I have chosen a career where you have to constantly be aware of everyone else and think what they are going to be thinking before them. Well, I do like challenges!

As for my marriage - DH is somewhere on the spectrum too, we just have to (a) be a mindreader and (b) stop the sulks within 2 days when one of us realises the other isn't. I was going to say DH was worse than me, then I forced myself to be objective and realised I'm a little more forgiving of him because I was forced to be a litttle more aware that "Aspie traits are bad traits" (so to speak) as a child so attempt, occasionally, to curb my tendencies. But Keike, reading that pdf made me laugh: imagine two people behaving like that married to each other! It makes for an interesting house. (And now DH is forgiven for not kissing me correctly before I left home on Saturday... just! Yes, I was in a mood with him for 2 days because the kiss was the wrong type of kiss.)

[~Trish~]

Wow, thanks for your replies everyone! Yeddi, this is exactly the sort of discussion I was hoping for . You have given a great explanation, thanks so much.

Professor - I'm glad you have joined in! I know what you mean about suddenly the school years making sense, I felt the same when I read through some info on AS in kids.

RainbowBrite - I could have written a lot of your post! All my primary school reports have a teacher mentioning that I was a daydreamer. I have changed a lot over the years and am far less shy than I was, but wow, it's nice to meet someone so similar to me

FlyingButter - ( Love your new name), it's kind of nice if you're both on the spectrum, hopefully you can learn together about each other. It makes a big difference once you start learning how you tick and why you do things a certain way.

Loulabelle - I'll PM you a link I found recently if you like? I just Googled Aspergers in girls (rather than females) and found much more info.

I'll come back and explain my own Aspy tendancies later when I don't have hungry kids at my feet! I don't come across as intelligent or knowledgable because I'm not , I didn't get the high intelligence that can come with AS haha! So please forgive me if I don't sound very smart

[Sibbie]

Hi all!

My stepdad & little brother are our quirky aspie gents in our family. My Mum works in early intervention for kids that have disabilities and of course that includes ASD kids & behavioral problems etc etc. She has a HUGE amount of resources, I will grill her for a list of things today - websites, books etc that might be of use for everyone. The ASPIA site is great for people that are NT with an ASD partner.

asperger women association I found this via google, not sure if this will help... I didn't get a chance to look through it properly. (hope I am ok posting that link, I can't find it selling anything so I guess its ok?)

Professor - props for posting man, it's not a fun ride - but knowledge is good! The more you know, the better you will be able to understand yourself

[~Trish~]

Sibbie - I'm so glad you have joined in! It would be great if you could share some resources . Thanks for posting that link, I'm having a bit of a read through it as I get a spare minute or two. I had a "Wow, that was me!" moment when I read this:

According to Dr. Tony Attwood, a leading expert on Asperger Syndrome, Aspie boys often appear like "little professors" who are expert in one subject. However, Aspie girls are more like "little philosophers." They may wonder if all people see the same color as blue, for instance, or analyze the meaning of the word "mind."

I have always been a "philosopher" and have wondered if people see colours the same way I do haha! I also analyse words, I had one recently, but can't think of what it was atm (I have shocking short-term memory issues ). I always get looked at sideways if I wonder these things out loud LOL!

[Yeddi]

They say everyone has some AS or ASD traits, so one or two of these things in isolation does not make someone AS, for instance I would consider myself a little philosopher but don't have social or voice issues. In order to qualify as AS you would need to meet at least 1 in each category of the following criteria:

1. Social impairment (extreme egocentricity) (at least two of the following):
- difficulties interacting with peers
- indifference to peer contacts
- difficulties interpreting social cues
- socially and emotionally inappropriate behaviour

2. Narrow interests (at least one of the following):
- exclusion of other activities
- repetitive behaviour
- more rote than meaning

3. Compulsive need for introducing routines and interests (at least one of the following):
-which affect the individual's every aspect of everyday life
- which affect others

4. Speech and language peculiarities (at least three of the following):
- delayed speech development
- superficially perfect expressive language
- formal pedantic language
- odd prosody, peculiar voice characteristics (like being monotone)
- impairment of comprehension including misinterpreting of literal/implied meanings (like not getting sarcasm)

5. Non-verbal communication problems (at least one of the following)
- limited use of gestures
- clumsy/gauche body language
- limited facial expression
- inappropriate facial expression
- peculiar, stiff gaze

6. Motor clumsiness:
- poor performance in neurodevelopmental test.