MD's Radical Life Revision

**Astrid** · September 9th, 2009, 08:14 AM

Great news MD! So happy for you

**rufalina** · September 9th, 2009, 09:32 AM

OH YAY!!!! So pleased the end is in sight! xo

**Junglemum** · September 9th, 2009, 09:45 AM

That is just fantastic MD. You have coped amazing well through all this. What a wonderful positive spirit you have.
And woohoo to having hair!

**Footsteps** · September 9th, 2009, 10:19 AM

im sooo glad to read this marydean, keep strong huni and take it easy.
love rach xox

**Inanna** · September 9th, 2009, 10:23 AM

Well I am bouncing around on my chair cheering!!!!

This is WONDERFUL!!!!

You are doing an awesome job my darling woman... xxx

INSPIRATIONAL lady you are...

**Jaycee** · September 9th, 2009, 11:57 AM

MD that is absolutely fantastic news, I am so so happy for you!

**Cassius2** · September 9th, 2009, 12:14 PM

I'm doin' a little dance

so so happy for ya babe! woot woo woot woo!!!!!!!!!!!

bring it baby bring it!

**leckert** · September 9th, 2009, 01:13 PM

YAY MD, means you may not have to stress so much when we have our next SA meet-up!

**Jennifer13** · September 9th, 2009, 05:30 PM

Fabulous news, MD. I can't wait to hear you've been pronounced 'cancer-free' by your specialist.

**AnyDream** · September 9th, 2009, 05:33 PM

YAY MD, means you may not have to stress so much when we have our next SA meet-up!

Oh you have *no idea* how much I am looking forward to not giving death stares to any one who coughs or sneezes in my near vicinity.

**AnyDream** · November 13th, 2009, 01:15 PM

Time for a Marydean Update, I think.

I saw the breast surgeon yesterday for the very last appointment before my left breast mastectomy, sentinal node biopsy, and reconstruction on Dec 7th. I had originally asked if they could preserve my nipple/areola (they take it off, scrape all the cells off the back, then stick it back on and hope it doesn't die

), and the surgeon agreed to do it if that's what I wanted (lovely lovely man, very good dr). However after lots of reading, research, 2nd opinion etc I have decided against it. The look of relief washing over the surgeon's face when I told him confirmed I have made the right decision (much less technically challenging surgery). It came down to taking a leap of faith that there are not already diseased cells in the nipple (which is connected to the breast duct which is where the funky cells were) - I decided that it was not a risk I was prepared to take.

I felt like if they could keep my nipple, my breast would still seem more like my own, and I might feel less mutilated. But very gradually I have come to realise that it was an attempt to avoid the pain of what has happened/is happening to me. I believe that the only way through your pain (and fear) is through it, avoiding it only makes it worse. I have had six months now to anticipate losing my breast - and all the associated surgical pain and recovery - and I can honestly say I have not yet arrived at a place of peace about it. I would love to be able to say "I am not my breast" or "I am no less a woman without it" but I have to walk through that gate of fire before I really get it.

So I'll have a new boobie by christmas - it will have no nipple, and a large football shaped scar across the front and side, and will be made from an entire muscle (latissimus dorsi) plus fat and skin from my back. It's a 5 hour surgery. Hopefully it will be soft (unlike an implant reconstruction) and I have instructed the surgeon to make it as much like my other breast as possible, in the hope of avoiding a lift/reduction on the other side (to make them "match"). I may or may not eventually have a nipple reconstructed - so for a while (or maybe forever) I will be a "one eyed wonder".

(Hopefully a very healthy one eyed wonder whose pathology from the breast and lymph node comes back clear and free of all nasties).

**Jennifer13** · November 13th, 2009, 01:23 PM

at the one-eyed wonder! Just like you to find a funny way of telling us your update.

on the realisation and the finality of going through this so soon.

**Cassius2** · November 13th, 2009, 01:27 PM

**thepixie** · November 13th, 2009, 03:46 PM

MD, you're such a warrior woman!! All the best for the surgery, I'll be thinking of you on the day and

for the best outcome for you.
You reminded me of a beautiful book I read a few years ago, there is a story in it which I think will really speak to you - the book is called Kitchen Table Wisdom (it goes under other names also but this is the most common one) by Rachel Naomi Remen. Have you read it? If not, get ahold of it and have a read. If you have read it you probably know the story I am talking about

Sending you strength and love

**Ginger** · November 13th, 2009, 03:55 PM

md- you're such a brave beautiful woman. well done on making the decision to got 'through it'. i'm proud of you.

**Artechim** · November 13th, 2009, 06:32 PM

MD.

I was secretly hoping you would come to the no-nipple solution - I hated the thought of you having to go though this all over again from a few left over funky nipple cells. At least this way your mind can be clear and still with no lingering fears. Although I know that won't help much when you look in the mirror

**AnyDream** · November 14th, 2009, 06:24 PM

Arte, I read the stories of a number of women who developed weird lumps after keeping their nipples and one in particular freaked me out of a lady who developed secondaries (ie death sentence) after keeping hers. Ok she had invasive disease to start with & I did not, but mine was high grade with signs that it was growing quickly (blah). I have trawled the entirety of the internet for studies and the cohort I fall into just isn't big enough to really inform the decision. Plus it comes down to having unclear margins after the surgeons thought they'd removed it all so any disease in there is literally, at this point, 'invisible'. That's just too much of a reach, kwim?

I forgot to mention, I had the privelege of visiting another lady who had the same type of reconstruction done by my surgeon on Monday. She showed me her new boobie and it looked amazing. OK so clearly not like a real boob (her mast was a couple of years ago so her tissue needs expanding) but I was really surprised by how tidy and un-traumatised it all looked. Plus to my great relief apparently this level of surgery qualifies you for a single room - that is a huge relief after my last experience in the 6 bed ward complete with confused and distressed dementia granny plus a lady who was parked there to die one night (!).

Pix, I haven't read the book but I am familiar with the author - I will check it out next time I'm at the library. thx.

**Muppity** · November 14th, 2009, 06:55 PM

Your strength and grace under fire continues to amaze MD.

thread: MD's Radical Life Revision

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