Ausgirl, I'm an old fart of 41 and I'm yet to work out if I'm just shy and I should just accept it as being my personality or if I have an anxiety issue which I should do something about ie. counselling.

I know that if I get really anxious, it leads to depression for me and I have had a couple of episodes that have been really bad (suicidal) but I think I've learnt now what are my triggers so feel that I won't go down that road again.

Look, I guess, it doesn't really matter what 'label' you put on something, it's just whether it causes you a problem or whether you can accept it.

My shyness/anxiety has held me back hugely in my career (I have a good, well-paid job but I have the brains but not the confidence to get much higher in my field) and to a lesser extent, in other aspects of my life. It's a real conundrum to me whether I accept it and work around it or whether I make a massive effort and do something about it and reach my potential.

To me, it sounds like some of what you're experiencing is what many of us experience and some of it isn't so if you've never seen a counsellor before, it wouldn't hurt and it may help.

Don't worry about being confused - we're human beings, not robots and these things aren't simple by any means.