I guess labels are exactly the problem.

and I feel the problem is also that I have been trying to do what feels right, what has felt natural for me and the kids and I have been please and proud of how beautifully they have responded to me. I just wish that there was more sleep! It is really only the sleep deprivation that has driven me to this point of despair and unfortunately that has made me into an irritable, intolerant mother who is so far from what I want to be.

I am more realistic than to try to follow the advice of such books to the letter, and it is not that I am down on myself for not living like the Amazonian Indians or never letting my children cry, because believe me, I know when a little bit of crying or less than textbook mothering is not the end of the world. I just feel that I am beyond that and have begun to behave in a way that I am really not proud of. I don't even want to mention some of the things I have done or thought today as it is certainly more than just being hard on myself.

Anyway, I'm visiting with my MCHN tomorrow and have put other avenues of support into place, I am just interested in the feelings I am having of (I guess) 'grief' at not being able hold it together. ...or even shame at some of the ways I have delt with things.

... and I have no inspiration to be a perfect parent